Our Valentine's Day Treat

We kept a very detailed travel blog of our entire trips to both Vietnam and Ethiopia. If you’re interested in reading, they are both long, but go for it! Click HERE FOR VIETNAM and HERE FOR ETHIOPIA.  If you’re really bored and you decide to check either one out, please do NOT leave any comments on those blogs. I’m going to print them and save them for our children; they are meant solely to encompass our time in Vietnam and Ethiopia (and therefore I’d like the comments to only be those left while we were in country). You can send me an email or leave a comment here if you’d like.

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I’ve also copied and pasted our entire journal Vietnam below. It’s broken up by the dates the posts were written and in true Laura-fashion, it is LONG. I didn’t include any of the posts that were written before we left, but rather just from our time in country. So far, the photos are not here. I have to go back through our VN folder of over 1,000 pics to find the individual ones we put up on each post. I will do that, but it is going to take a while! The other journal is much “prettier” and easier to look at, but I at least wanted the text in one place.

I will copy and paste our journal for Molley soon.

 

 

We’re almost to Vietnam! We’re currently in Hong Kong waiting to board our FINAL flight. It’s 8:00 a.m. on Saturday here, so it’s currently 5:00 p.m. on Friday at home. (Mom: I tried to call the house.) The flight to San Francisco was an uneventful two hours, followed by a five hour layover. The 15 hours to Vietnam really weren’t all that bad. We flew Cathay Pacific. While it’s not so much fun to sit on a plane for 15 hours, the service was incredible. There were plenty of movies and games to keep us busy. I only slept about four hours total, so if you add that to the combined eight hours I’ve slept since Sunday night, I think I’m running on adrenaline! We’ll update once we’re in VN.

 

 

 

 

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December 8, 2007 – Our First Day in Vietnam!

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WOW! First off, just in case you’re dying to know why I’m updating at 3:00 a.m. Monday, here’s the story! We fell SOUND asleep – finally – at 9:30 Saturday night. Ed and I ran on adrenaline until then. I was woken from much needed deep sleep at 2:00 a.m. by my regular cell phone’s obnoxiously loud ringing (we also have a VN cell phone while we’re here). Confused because I couldn’t figure out where I was, I stumbled over and noticed the number of the missed call belonged to Bloom, the restaurant where my mom and I are hosting my best friend Laura’s baby shower next month. Long story short, it was originally scheduled for December 8th. When we found out we were leaving, I scrambled to reschedule it. I booked a new date and called all of the guests with the new plans on Monday. An employee from Bloom called me on Tuesday to tell me the new date was not available. Huh? We were leaving the country in less than 48 hours, I had spent four hours calling and emailing guests, and they had just “noticed” that they had double booked our new date?! Not so much. After speaking with the manager multiple time, we were back on for the rescheduled date.

The original shower was scheduled for noon on Saturday. Guess what time it is at home when it is 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning in Vietnam? That’s right ~ noon! A Bloom employee was calling to find out where we were b/c our party of 17 was fifteen minutes late. I think he was slightly confused when I told him I was in Vietnam. After a bit of digging around (at $2.99 a minute, than you very much), he found the problem. The date had been changed in one place but not another. After verifying that we were still booked for the new date, I climbed back into bed. However, I’m wide awake and cannot fall asleep. Want to know why???

Because we’re leaving at 7:30 a.m. to make the seven hour drive down to Kien Giang to pick up Mattix!!! (Sorry for the lead in with the boring story. Laura and Mom – I know you’ll appreciate it b/c of the stress that whole situation caused me. I thought I might have another meltdown, but all is well.)

Backing up, we landed in Vietnam around noon. A travel agent was supposed to meet us to help us obtain our Visas. We traveled on Entry Visas because three days just isn’t enough time to obtain a Visa. (Imagine that! It’s barely enough time to pack!) We were prepared to have a local travel agent meet us and help us through the process. We were in for quite a surprise. There was no travel agent to meet us and there is no “process” for obtaining a Visa. (For CHI families traveling in the future without a Visa: triple check with Nicky that a travel agent will indeed meet you.) It was unbelievably overwhelming and slightly frightening. After traveling for 24 hours, you get off the plane and shove your way through a huge mass of people from many different countries who all want the same thing, shove your paperwork, passport, and money through a window, and pray, pray, pray that it comes back with a Visa. Because our agency rep told me that there was no need to bring the Visa application that I had printed and filled out entirely, I didn’t! Therefore, we didn’t even have the appropriate paperwork (or information) to obtain the Visa. Karen, our travel partner in crime, did an excellent job pushing, shoving, and getting us in there to get the Visas. She found someone who understood enough English to find new forms. I filled them out – sort of – and prayed. It doesn’t sound too bad, but it was definitely disconcerting. We eventually had our visas after 30 minutes or so of total chaos. I now understand why one needs a local travel agent to obtain a Visa. The travel agents apparently have an “in” – they shove to the front and someone actually takes their stack of applications and processes them in a somewhat orderly manner. The rest of us have to fend for ourselves.

After we made it through the Visa process and through customs, we collected our luggage. Ed complained and made fun of me for the blue luggage with pink “accenting,” but he was left with his foot in his mouth when we spotted our luggage from the second floor! (Unfortunately, Karen and Andrew’s luggage did not make it. I believe Karen wrote about it on their blog. Please keep them in your prayers, because this is of course very stressful for them.) A CHI rep met us and drove us to the hotel. Vietnam is amazing. I was in awe during the entire ride from the airport to the hotel. I’ve read about the traffic and the motor bikes for nearly two years, but it’s not something you can really grasp until you see it. It’s truly unbelievable. I can’t even describe it. I’ve posted just a few photos, but Ed will take more over the next few days so you can really see it. We’ll also take video. Andrew knows how to embed video on our blog, so he’s going to help us out with that…especially video of Mattix!

After we checked in at The Rex, Thuy, CHI’s “main” representative in VN, took us across the street to the Tax Market to pick up a few items. She asked whether we wanted her to come or if we wanted to brave it on our own. After looking at the street we needed to cross to get to the Tax Market, we all opted for her company. If she had not come with us, I would still be standing on the street corner, trying to figure out how to get across to the Tax Market. It’s a life threatening experience, crossing the street in Vietnam. If you saw that HORRIBLE movie Bowfinger (with Eddie Murphy, Heather Graham, and Steve Martin) from 1999, try to remember the scene where Eddie Murphy is running across the freeway, dodging vehicles that didn’t stop, yelling, “Hail to God, hail to God, hail to God…” That was us today. Nobody stops. Ever. I’m the dork who refuses to cross a street until the red hand is replaced by the little man that tells me it’s okay to cross, even if the street is empty. Well, there are no red hands or little men here, and nobody stops. We just followed Thuy’s lead and went for it. Motor bikes literally shoot around you, missing you by inches. You’re not supposed to speed up or slow down – just keep a consistent speed so they can judge their speed. Sure. Easier said than done when dozens of motor bikes are headed straight for you, honking wildly. Karen and I have decided that there had better be some really great things to do on the block where our hotel is located!

At the tax market, we picked up diapers, formula, and rice cereal for Mattix. Until we’re back home, it is best to feed the babies the same food they have eaten in the orphanage. Thuy helped Ed and I shop for items to donate to the orphanage, such as diapers, formula, baby powder, and wipes (thanks for contributing, Mimi!). Added to all of the clothing we collected (thanks to our friends who really helped us with that – Bess, Lindsey, Sarah, and everyone else), we have a lot to take with us tomorrow.

Karen, Andrew, the Rankeys (Matt and his MIL) and Ed and I had dinner at the Rooftop Bar at our hotel. It’s an historical location where reporters used to hang out during the VN war. (For a bit of background, see http://www.footprintsvietnam.com/Travel_News/June07/RexHotel-Vietnam-Memories.htm). The food was great and it was amazing to look around at the city below.

After dinner, we came back to our room and packed for our trip to Kien Giang. We fell asleep early and here we are! It’s now 4:15 a.m. and our alarm will go off in an hour and fifteen minutes. I’m so excited I can’t possibly sleep. I can’t believe that we will finally meet our baby! I’m a little anxious about the drive. Kien Giang is only 150 miles away, but it is a seven hour drive that involves lots of small bridges, bumpy roads, and two ferry rides. (And no, that’s not a typo; I wrote seven hours.) I’ve heard it’s a little rough, but we’ll be able to see a lot that we otherwise wouldn’t.

I learned tonight that Ed has never changed a diaper. (Why didn’t I know that?!) I haven’t changed a diaper in ten years, so this is going to be interesting. Trial by fire, right?!

If you made it this far, I’m impressed! I’ll try to keep future entries more reasonable in length. Thank you to everyone for the phone calls, emails, and comments here. We both love reading your emails and notes and feel so lucky that our friends and family are so excited to meet Mattix.

The next entry you see will have photos of our baby…taken by us!!!!!

Love,
Ed and Laura

December 9 – The Trip to Kien Giang

(We took lots of photos, but I am only able to upload ten for each entry. I may go back later and add extra entries just to upload more photos. Also, many of these were taken in a moving vehicle, so give the photographer (Ed) a break! And finally, take careful note of the photo of the open area with tables and chairs. Yep, that’s where we ate lunch. I told Ed to take a picture because nobody would ever believe that I ate there without one!)

The drive to Kien Giang (pronounced sort of like Gen (with a hard “g”) Yen) was amazing. I was apprehensive because I’ve heard it is bumpy and long with lots of bridges and a few ferries. All of that was true, but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Thuy, her husband, and our driver met us in the lobby at 7:30 and we headed out. I thought crossing the street was traumatic. Ha! That’s nothin’! I could have never imagined what it was like to ride in a car or van here! I thought the drive from the airport was a bit wild, but I had no idea what it would be like to drive down the narrow, often unpaved two lane roads with motor bikes, vans, and busses flying in every direction with no order whatsoever. Well, it was scary crazy. CHI’s hired driver is incredible. I’m certain of that, because if he weren’t, we would be dead! We drove within inches of other cars’ bumpers, whizzed by huge trucks with maybe two inches between our cars, and nearly hit hundreds of scooters and bicyclists, either head-on or by sideswiping them. We engaged in several rousing games of chicken with huge busses, trucks, and tons of scooters. The scooters didn’t bother me so much (hey, we had size on our side), but the trucks and busses? Yeah, that was frightening. We would head straight towards them, then jump back over into a space that seemed far too small for our van at the very last second with absolutely no time to spare. Luckily, Ed and I ended up in the middle row of seats, and I was on the driver’s side. As such, I couldn’t really see out the front window unless I leaned around to look. After one such game of chicken with a huge truck, I had enough of the leaning around and looking thing. We missed smashing head on into the truck by maybe three seconds. The only other places I’ve been where the driving is pretty chaotic are the border towns in Mexico (Tijuana and Nogales) and let me tell you, that is NOTHING; it’s not even a valid comparison.

I spent the ride looking out the side windows in complete awe at what we saw. Vietnam is amazing. Ed took hundreds of pictures from the van as we drove. There was so much to see that I was afraid I would miss something. It’s not difficult to see the poverty in so many places, and yet it is such a beautiful country. I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to see what we did. I know that we wouldn’t have seen so much if our baby had not been in Kien Giang orphanage, because the other orphanages are so close to Saigon.

Also, because we were in the car for so long, we had a lot of time to talk to Thuy (CHI’s in-country facilitator) and ask her questions. That’s another reason I wouldn’t ever have wanted to miss out on this opportunity. Thuy is an AMAZING woman with a true, pure heart for adoption. I asked her a lot of questions about herself, and she shared openly. There is no doubt that she cares tremendously about the children she places and her job is far more to her than just a job. She is unbelievably dedicated to helping children who are in need of homes find those homes.

All throughout this process, I have been very certain that I would never have to question Mattix’s history and the manner in which he ended up a part of our family simply because of CHI’s reputation. (For those who are reading and are not APs/PAPs that are aware of the current situation in Vietnam, there are a few agencies that have been called into question by USCIS – United States Citizen and Immigration Services – because of its belief that those agencies are engaging in illegal, unethical, and immoral activities to “procure” children for adoption, meaning some children are not truly in need of homes, but rather end up adoptable as a result of human trafficking.) That is why we waited such a long time for a referral when other agencies could have referred us a baby within days of signing with them (read: way back in February of 2006). After meeting Thuy, I’m as certain as I could ever be that there is no reason I should ever be concerned. Thuy places children who truly need families. It would shock me dead to ever learn that she had placed a child she wasn’t certain truly needed a home. We all hear about how wonderful CHI’s staff is to the families when they are in country (and they are – Thuy is incredible), but more importantly, what they are doing behind the scenes is absolutely above board.

(For CHI families who have yet to travel, everyone says it, but I’ll say it again. The in-country staff, and particularly Thuy, is truly wonderful. Thus far, while this trip is centered on adopting Mattix and much of what we have to do over the next week-and-a-half involves taking care of the adoption-related tasks, we’ve been afforded wonderful opportunities because of Thuy. She bends over backwards for all of us and is unbelievably helpful. If you need something, Thuy makes it happen.)

I was able to ask Thuy about the horribly long delay between Mattix’s referral and our travel date. It is not at all typical to wait that long. I finally got an honest, straightforward answer. The reason is ridiculous and almost inexcusable to me – nothing to do with researching his background or any snags with that– but now I know and I at least have some closure. . Thuy told us what she did to try to move things along, and it is very evident that she did everything in her power to make it happen (ethically). I now know that she did what she could, rather than just sitting on her hands and waiting. Mattix will never be able to get back those extra three or four months he spent in the orphanage, which is a shame because he was clearly affected by his time there, but it’s not for a lack of action on Thuy’s part. There was nothing she could have done to make it happen more quickly, so we have accepted that and can move forward. I feel like we finally have a sense of closure and understanding, which is important because Ed and I had a very hard time with that – not just because WE wanted Mattix home with us, but because we knew what the additional time in the orphanage would mean to HIM – and we were not keen on repeatedly being told me be patient and pray. I did not need patience for myself; I needed to get to my baby home for him.

In addition to having time to talk with Thuy and being able to see a lot of the southern part of Vietnam, we were also afforded the opportunity to eat at more local “restaurants.” This was also amazing. I never would have eaten at any of the places we stopped because I would have been too concerned about becoming sick. If I were “normal,” I might have risked it, but I’m not and it’s not worth it. Not so interested in any near death experiences here, and I’m certainly not looking to need an IV in a clinic!! Because Thuy knows everything (seriously – just try to find something she doesn’t know), she knew of wonderful local places where it was safe for us to eat authentic Vietnamese food that was out of this world. I wouldn’t have stopped at a single place where we ate – trust me, if you saw them, you wouldn’t have, either. All of the local “restaurants” we ate at were not enclosed; they have a sort of tall “roof” and are open on three sides. For breakfast, we stopped somewhere and had the most amazing Pho (pronounced fuh) I’ve ever tasted. I could eat that every day for the rest of my life. We also had Vietnamese coffee with condensed sweet milk. Holy crap! Starbucks sucks! I will crave that forever. The amount is very small – maybe five or six ounces – and it leaves you wishing you had more (no such thing as a Venti here). We stopped for a snack and iced Vietnamese coffee a few hours later. Again, holy crap! We ate a banana covered in sweet sticky rice that was deep fried. It was so rich I could only eat a few bites of Ed’s, but I’m craving more now. By lunch, I wasn’t even hungry from all the very flavorful, rich food. We did lunch “family-style” and it was true Vietnamese food. There were so many things on the table; I couldn’t identify them all, and I can’t remember many of them now. I know for sure there was a huge pot of soup on a small burner that they brought to the table that had crazy stuff in it such as fish heads (there ‘ya go, Dad). There were also different types of fish that I didn’t recognize, pork, and chicken. Unfortunately, I wasn’t hungry from all the rich foods we had eaten all day. Plus, I wasn’t able to identify some of the sauces on the food, so I didn’t want to live dangerously and deal with gluten poisoning for the other 3.5 hours in the car.

So, there’s a not-so-brief summary of our drive to Kien Giang. It was worth every minute of the seven hours, every bit of bumpy road, every game of chicken, every (perceived) near-accident, every rickety bridge we crossed, and all four ferry rides. I normally get VERY car sick (even in a normal car on a normal road) and somewhat anxious when dealing with less-than-desirable road conditions (when Ed drives, of course). However, I didn’t get at all sick and I was quite calm. We were both like sponges, absorbing absolutely everything we could. Nothing has really fazed me during this entire trip. I usually hate to fly and I couldn’t have cared less. I would normally be anxious about being forced to ride in a van at the very, very front of the ferry, just inches from the edge, where we sat for the duration of the ride, but I didn’t think much about it. Okay, I’m starting to sound like I’m a neurotic freak in everyday life, so I’m gonna stop now (because I’m not)! The point is that when I’m in a situation over which I have little or no control, I usually don’t feel the best about it. Here, I have loved every minute of the things we’ve done. This is an amazing experience in an amazing place.

The next entry is by far the most important one! Read on to see photos of little Mattix and some information about this incredible child!

December 9 – Meet Mr. Mattix!

Here’s our baby! We arrived at the orphanage after our seven hour adventure and were taken into a medium sized room and told to sit at a large table. The orphanage director came in and sat at the head table and welcomed us to Vietnam and asked us how we were enjoying our trip. We were told that the babies would be brought in just a few minutes. Shortly thereafter, two nannies came in, each carrying a baby (Mattix and Khai, our travel mates’ son). Oh my goodness! He was absolutely precious. He was super quiet and looked at each of us intently. He went to me with no problems (not necessarily a great thing) and let me hold him while he just looked at me. He didn’t squirm or cry, just hung out while I held him and talked to him. He was so quiet! I handed him to Ed, and he did the same thing. We tried to stand him up (holding onto him) and he would just collapse. I figured he just didn’t have enough time out of the crib to develop adequate muscle tone in his legs. We were then told we could go into the room where the babies live. We had asked Thuy ahead of time if we would be able to spend any time at the orphanage and in Mattix’s old room and were told that we would be able to spend an hour and half or two hours there. That was a relief, because sometimes families don’t have any time at all and we really wanted a chance to spend a little time where Mattix spent the first ten months of his life.

I was starting to wonder if he was ever going to move or make a sound when we went into the baby room. He lit up at the sight of his nannies. We put him on the floor and they all played with him. He laughed, squealed, crawled, and stood up. They had him clapping his hands while they sang and standing up and bouncing up and down (dancing) while holding onto something. The baby room was small and there seven or eight babies of varying ages there. They were all so precious, and I felt good knowing that all of the babies in THAT room were going to permanent families. Thuy told us one of the babies was going to a CHI family so we took a lot of photos and video of him. I¡¦ll have to ask Nicky who that family is so that we can send them the pictures of video of their baby; he’s a doll. We spent about an hour in there playing with all the babies and taking photos of them, playing with Mattix, and taking lots of video. .

We walked around the orphanage grounds a bit and took more photos. We didn’t go into any of the other rooms, so we did not see too many other children. There were a few toddler age children wandering around, as well as a few kids that were maybe five or six years old. They broke both of our hearts. It was hard for Ed especially; he asked about them and we learned that these children will grow up in the orphanage and likely never have a “real” home. They apparently have one or two living parents who are not able to care for them for some reason (e.g., they are impoverished or in prison), but don¡¦t wish to have their children adopted internationally and therefore won’t relinquish them for adoption. We were told that often these parents rarely or never visit the kids, so they will grow up in the orphanage until they turn eighteen. It’s horrible, because these kids watch families leave with babies or other children all the time. Ed took pictures of them and it was difficult to watch them ham it up for the camera; they obviously don’t receive the kind of attention that every single child deserves.

As a side note, the good news is that Thuy told us that every single thing we took down to the orphanage to donate (supplies and clothes), as well as the gifts we brought for the nannies, will stay there (and the gifts will indeed go to the nannies). I say that is good news because we have heard that sometimes orphanage “donations” are sold rather than being used for the kids. Apparently this is not the case with Kien Giang; they will use everything we brought them because they desperately need it. Ed and I knew about the possibility of things not ending up in their intended places a long time ago, but figured there was no harm in trying and hoping. We’re both very glad that everyone’s effort will help the kids that we intended to help.

We left the orphanage to head for our hotel, which at $20 a night, needs little explanation. I will say that it was not the most horrible place I’ve ever seen, but it is certainly not a five (or one) star hotel. ƒº The bathroom floor was wet because there was no shower curtain. There was a drain in the actual floor where all of the water that collected in the bathroom would drain out. There were quite a few mosquitoes in the hotel room, but Thuy assured us we need not be concerned. Of course, Ed’s paranoia meant we had to cover ourselves in Deet, but that’s okay. Better safe than sorry. Our room was huge. It had three queen beds, a full table and chairs, tons of space, and the ceilings were at least 15 feet high. Very strange and not exactly clean. It cost us a whole 300,000 Dong ($18.75). Karen and Andrew had a smaller room to the tune of $12.50. There was only one big room on each floor, and being the crazy big spenders we are, we went ahead and took the large one. ‘Cause you know, we needed all that room for the big party we threw.

Going back to the 30 minute ride to the hotel, Mattix was very quiet. He spent most of the ride looking out the windows, completely silent, his eyes as wide as saucers. He looked like he was just taking everything in and thinking about it. He seems too old for his ten months in that respect.

By the time we checked in and settled into our room, we were absolutely exhausted. Mattix played on the beds (pushed together) for a while with some of the toys we brought. He was very giggly and cute, but not too into being held for any length of time. (We don’t have any photos of this b/c we took video but forgot the photos!) We wore ourselves out and changed Mattix for bed. He had his bottle and all three of us fell asleep. In fact, we were supposed to meet Thuy and her staff for dinner, but we slept through it. I think we were out by 5:30 p.m.

Poor little guy woke up every hour or so after the first two hours by crying and fussing himself awake. It is very apparent that he did this in the orphanage but didn’t have anyone to comfort him. He cries and whimpers and it breaks my heart. Ed and I both rubbed his tummy, back, and butt over and over all night to try to calm him. He’s such a sweet little baby; to see him so sad is very difficult. He deserves so much more than to feel afraid and lonely.

Overall, it was an amazing, exciting, and sad experience all at the same time. Mattix is incredible! He’s just a little peanut, weighing maybe 15 pounds, although he is super solid and has the cutest little Buddha tummy ever. He is truly a beautiful baby. He makes the most precious and expressive faces. His little hands, feet, tummy, and especially legs are covered in an absolutely horrible rash. I’m not sure whether it is a “regular” rash or scabies. If it is not scabies, I have no idea what caused it. I’ve never seen a rash like that. I have heard that the babies often have eczema, but I have certainly never seen eczema like that before. . Thuy said it may go away after a few days, so we held off on the scabies treatment. I guess we will know if he has scabies if Ed and I are rockin’ the same rash in a week. We’ll go for the family treatment and cover all of us in the cream, then we’ll all stink together. He itches so much that I hope it clears up soon. He also has a slight cold, but nothing like some of the orphanage babies. Often they seem to have horrible respiratory infections. He just seems to have a mild cold which should hopefully clear up soon. We’re slightly concerned because of his lack of a meltdown when we left the orphanage. I think a meltdown often means that a baby was bonded to someone there and is having a hard time being separated. That’s good because it means the baby was able to form a bond with someone, indicating that he should be able to form a bond with his new parents without too much difficulty. Mattix was so quiet. Maybe that was his way of dealing with the change. We’ll see over the next week or so how he adjusts. The issue that really upsets me is the back of his head; it is as flat as a board. That confirms what I’ve heard – that the babies only spend an hour each day out of the crib. That’s hard to think about. It is amazing that he is as developed as he is physically. He can pull himself up and stand up on his own as long as he is holding onto something.

That’s all for now. I’ve uploaded another entry about our trip down to Kien Giang (directly before this one), so if you’re interested in reading about our amazing road trip, be sure to go back and read that entry as well.

We miss everyone very much and cannot wait to bring Mattix home. Thank you so much for the comments and emails. We appreciate it and are so happy that Mattix has so many people who already love him. He’s a true blessing!

Love,
Laura & Ed

December 10 – First Full Day as New Parents!

MONDAY:

We woke up on this morning around 5:30 because that’s how Mattix rolls. This is the beginning of the end of my 1:00 a.m. until 7:30 a.m. sleep schedule. I’m pretty sure that the 1:00 a.m. bedtime will stick around, but not so much the 7:30 a.m. wakeup time.

Mattix woke up happy and played with his toys. We gave him a bath, which he didn’t mind at all (we took lots of video, and if we ever figure out how to embed it, you’ll see how cute he was), and got him dressed. Ed and I prayed that we didn’t leave with bed bugs or foot fungus (seriously, I packed everything under the sun EXCEPT for shower shoes), and we went to breakfast. We ate at a restaurant right across the street from the ocean. It was very nice (I think it was aimed towards tourists) but the food wasn’t nearly as good as the other places we ate yesterday. Welcome to mommyhood for me. I held Mattix, staring at my food, while Ed ate. God knows I can’t have food in front of my face that’s not entering my mouth, especially when I haven’t eaten in 24 hours, so I told Ed (who was leisurely taking bites in between sips of coffee) that if he didn’t start shoveling, his “turn” was going to end. I had enough time to eat about half of my bowl of pho. I really hope Ed enjoyed his entire omelet, baguette, and cup of coffee.

Today was the G&R – the Giving and Receiving – Ceremony. That’s when the adoption becomes official under Vietnamese law (it’s not official with the U.S. until a Visa is issued). The ceremony is quite short and to the point. A government official speaks about the importance of making sure Mattix knows his heritage, another official speaks for a moment, the orphanage director says a few words, and the adoptive parents make a “speech.” Only one of us was allowed/required to speak; Ed went ahead and took the floor. Perhaps I should have thought twice about that – we all know how Ed likes to talk!!! Apparently Ed’s going to be a busy, busy man. He pledged that Mattix will know his birth country, be proud of where he was born, and that we would bring him back to tour the Vietnam when he was old enough to understand and appreciate it. He also promised to send lots of post-placement reports and photos. These were all things we’ve talked about frequently and agree are very important. Then Ed went crazy. He said that Mattix was going to learn Vietnamese. Huh? Really? ‘Cause we can barely pronounce Mattix’s Vietnamese name and birth province. I guess Ed’s going to be at ASU for about ten hours a week for the next ten years, ’cause he’s planning to teach Mattix Vietnamese. I’m all for it, really, but good luck with that one. Mattix was quite vocal during the ceremony. I think he even laughed at Ed when he mentioned that whole learning Vietnamese thing. I had to keep bouncing him up and down so that he would laugh and make happy sounds, rather than having him sit on my lap because that made him scream. I was a little worried because one of the officials didn’t seem too pleased with the whole noisy baby situation, but I did what I could (the other two were smiled a lot and didn’t seem to mind). Hey, I had just changed by first diaper in ten years less than 12 hours ago. I have no idea how to make a baby that doesn’t even understand me stop squealing.

After the ceremony, we headed back for Saigon. The ride down was fascinating and amazing. The ride home was a little long and difficult, being that we were taking with us a baby that didn’t really know us. Mattix would not sit still. I guess I’m being punished for making fun of Ed’s ADD! He had to be in constant motion for most of the ride. He would become so exhausted he would fuss and moan, but wouldn’t hold still enough to sleep. I finally held him against me, wrapped him in a blanket, and made him stay there until he nodded off. That only took an hour. He slept for about 45 minutes, and then woke up. A few hours later, we again went through the routine and he fell asleep after another hour. Of course, we got to lunch 45 minutes after that.

Um, yeah, I’m moving to Vietnam. First of all, I’ve lost about five pounds in the last few days (I fully realize that it’s mostly lean muscle loss, but still, I’m going with it. Don’t burst my bubble). I now understand why Americans are heavy and the Vietnamese are so petite. Sure, their bone structure is small, but as a whole, they are much thinner than we are. Here’s my theory, because I know you’re dying to hear it. It’s a combination of four things.

• First, the damn chopsticks. Really, how can you ever get anything in your mouth with two wooden sticks? You can’t. Well, maybe some of you can, but I can’t. I have horrible dexterity and I’m beginning to think rather limited fine motor skills. I’m not going to be the stupid American that asks for a fork while I’m here, so chopsticks it is. I get about 20% of the food in my mouth at any given meal.
• Second, the portion sizes. Besides gobs of rice, the other things are reasonably sized. It prevents one form shoving everything under the sun down one’s gullet.
• Third, the type of food. It’s pretty simple and contains limited, normal ingredients. Real Vietnamese food isn’t filled with crap additives, fillers, and preservatives.
• Fourth, it’s about 200 degrees here with 400% humidity (and it’s December for God’s sake; I can’t even imagine the “hot” season). When you’re constantly sweating like a pig, trying not to pass out, you think little about eating and have a limited appetite.

Okay, back to the reasons I’m moving here. I can actually eat at a lot of places. Food isn’t filled with gluten because most things are rice based. I can eat so much. It’s wonderful to be able to go to a restaurant and not have to worry that I’m going to go home vomiting because my food is contaminated with gluten. I’ve eaten lots of rice, noodles, and things wrapped in rice paper. Yum! Again, because of the limited additives (e.g., artificial and natural flavors), I don’t have to be so careful that I sit at dinner at watch everyone else eat because I’m afraid of what I’m putting in my mouth (not that it hurts me to do that. I talk like I can’t afford to miss a meal!). 

Also, my blood sugars are awesome, even a little on the low side (much better than the high side). Ed and I were talking about it and he suggested the humidity may have something to do with that. I think he’s correct, because for the entire three years we lived in California (a block from the ocean) while I was in law school, I had great A1Cs despite the things I was dealing with at the time. CA is not nearly as humid as VN, but it is certainly a lot more humid than home.

And the main reason I want to live here is a very important one. It actually conflicts with my plans to stay here until I reach size double zero, but that’s okay because it’s so great. While you’re eating, it’s not at all uncommon for a female employee of the restaurant to come take your baby and wander around with him while you eat. I kid you not. I had read about it, but I didn’t fully appreciate it until it happened at lunch today. I was sitting there, watching Ed eat (I’m getting good at that), staring at my plate of rice and a piece of fried pork that looked amazing, when a woman came up, held out her arms and said, “Baby?” Hells yeah, take the baby! Are you kidding? Mommy’s hungry! I handed Mattix to her; he was of course happy to go to her. He’s obviously familiar with Vietnamese people and the language much more than he is with Ed and I, so he was very much at ease.

I’m being flip, but I did know that this happens and you just roll with it. Can you imagine if that happened at home? If someone tried to take my baby, I’d punch them in the face and call the cops. Here, it’s cultural and probably impolite to refuse. Ed and I discussed it ahead of time and both agreed that it was important for us on our entire trip not to be the typical rude Americans (in every respect). Once we’re home, we can’t just hand Mattix to whomever because we have to work very hard to develop a bond with him. However, we recognize that during these two weeks, we have to be flexible.

I’m going to be spoiled when we return home. We’re gonna be eating at Red Robin (isn’t that the only restaurant you’re allowed to eat with kids, besides Chuckee Cheese, which doesn’t really count as a restaurant?) and I’ll be looking around yelling, “Who’s going to take the baby?! I need to eat my burger! Someone take the baby!”

Anyway, shortly after she took him, the next thing that I knew would happen happened. She came back and said, “Pants?” Yup, here you wrap your kids up like it’s snowing, even though it’s 250 degrees outside. I had stripped him down to his onesie after the G&R because we (“we” being the Americans) were sweating like pigs. For the love of God, I had a layer of oil, sweat, and makeup dripping off my face, down my chest and back. My thinking was that if I was in that bad of shape, the poor baby must have been miserable with that rash all over his body, festering in a layer of sweat under his clothes. I even paused for a second before we got out of the van, considering putting his pants and socks on, but lo and behold, I didn’t. Well, Ed got to run to the van, grab Mattix’s pants and socks, and dress him up like we dress for the middle of winter at home. Lesson learned; I won’t try to be sneaky again.

Enough about me. We got back to the hotel at about 5:00 and dropped off the other couple who also adopted their son from KG. Ed wanted to have four or five suits made by a tailor here in VN, where the cost of one entire suit, custom made to fit from incredible Italian material, is less than half the cost of a pair of suit pants from a retail store in the states. It would cost ten times as much per suit to have something comparable made at home. Anyway, in order to have them finished by the time we leave for Hanoi, we had to go make the selections and have him fitted tonight, even though we were exhausted. Thuy took us to the tailor that she apparently uses for the adoptive families who want suits. He was an older gentleman, very appreciative, and accommodating. It wasn’t a shop at all. Rather, an open space smaller than my master bedroom closet right off an alley. Really, I’m being honest.

We felt very rushed, which we learned later was because we were apparently in a very bad neighborhood. I guess Thuy didn’t tell us that so as not to upset us, but she kept things rolling. So much so that when we were finished, we didn’t get to stand on the sidewalk and wait for our driver. Oh no, we literally took off speed walking down the sidewalk, got to dodge a million motor bikes, vans and trucks as we ran across three streets in some sort of six-way street situation, and then ran down the center median. I had Mattix in the Baby Bjorn and was about to crap my pants. He was really into the whole thing. For being in an orphanage for his entire life, he sure rolls with the punches. He was really digging the bouncing, screaming horns, and me yelling (once again) “Hail to God. Don’t let me die here. My body is going be flattened by motor bikes.” Finally, Thuy said, “Hurry, here.” The van’s sliding door flew open and we had two seconds to jump in. Thuy wasn’t even all the way in when we took off. She had to use all 80 pounds of her body weight to get the door to shut as we drove away. Crazy stuff, but hey, Ed’s going to have his suits by Sunday. That’s what matter, right?

After we got to the room, we were exhausted. Ed was hungry so we headed to the Rooftop for dinner. I didn’t even bother ordering because I knew better than to think I might actually have a chance to eat. All the servers were male, so I knew nobody was going to hook us up with the free babysitting service. Plus, I was so tired I wasn’t hungry. And here’s how you know Ed and I were officially first time parents. Our conversation is as follows:

Me: What did we bring for the baby?
Ed: Huh?
Me: What did we bring for the baby?
Ed: What do you mean?
Me: Don’t you think Mattix might be hungry or thirsty?
Ed: I guess, yeah, maybe.
Me: And what about something to play with?
Ed: Yeah, he might need that.
Me: I’ll be right back (slinking off to room, ashamed, to get some stuff, you know, like food, a bottle, a bib, and a few toys).

And there you have our first full day with Mattix. We’re very, very tired, a little overwhelmed, but unbelievably overjoyed to have this little baby become a part of our family. We couldn’t be any luckier to parent him. He’s precious, adorable (sorry, but he is), and an amazing baby. His short ten months of life have been difficult and full of loss for him. I hope and pray that we’re able to be the kind of parents that he needs to thrive.

December 11 and 12 – Adoption Highs and Lows

I’m posting Tuesday and Wednesday together. I wasn’t sure that I was going to post Tuesday’s journal entry because it was such a hard day for us. I typed it out and saved it as a Word doc. However, adoption is all about hard days, so I left it. Also, excuse the typos and stuff – no time to read and edit, so it will have to do as is!

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Tuesday

Today just plain sucked. Because of that, I’ll start off on a humorous note. Mattix took his first poo today. I used to read adoption blogs and roll my eyes when I would read family’s blog entries about first dumps, thinking, “Who would write that? I’ll never write that. Who cares?” Well, never say never. FYI, with adoption, babies and children usually don’t poo for quite a while after joining their new families. Sometimes it can take over a week and it’s quite normal for it to take five or so days. Well, apparently the yogurt we fed Mattix for breakfast did the trick. He certainly liked it, smacking his lips three or four times after every bite. Apparently his tummy wanted it out, stat. Less than thirty minutes later, Ed yelled, “Holy crap! He blew his diaper. Hurry!” I figured Ed just wasn’t man enough to handle the first poopy diaper on his own, so I ran over. Yeah, well, neither was I. I nearly threw up in my mouth. I have yet to see something so rank come from something so small. How can such a cute little baby produce that?!?! First of all, the diapers in Vietnam are cruddy. The quality is horrible and they don’t hold their load (ha ha) well at all. They are the same name brand that you can buy in the states (e.g., we’re using Pampers), but they are the equivalent of something seriously generic and cheap you might buy at a discount store. As such, Mattix’s little (rather big) treat was everywhere. I ran to the other side of the room, gagging so badly I honestly thought I was about to vomit. Unfortunately, I’m not being funny. I have a horrible gag reflex (it’s hereditary – my little brother is a freak, too) and it doesn’t take much to set it off. I was bent over in the corner, hacking and gagging, doing everything I could not to dry heave, while Ed, even more disgusted with me than he was with what Mattix deposited in his cheap diaper, was yelling, “You get your ass over here right now and cut it out and help me clean this crap up.” Anyway, we had everything cleaned up and good to go after a few minutes. Yikes. Nobody told me that it was THAT bad. That ain’t right.

So, onto the serious stuff. We had to apply for Visas with USCIS and have passport photos of the babies taken today. The guys went to the visa office on their own (Ed reports that gov’t buildings are the same all over the world, because it was just like your typical nasty DMV) and the girls took the kids to have their photos taken. Mattix gave his usual adorable contemplative look in his photo. Seriously cute. He wouldn’t smile. At this point, he’s not an easy sale for smiles. I now understand why he was only sporting a half-smirk in ONE of the fifty plus photos we received of him while we waited. He looks at you with the most intense eyes, as though he’s thinking something profound. When he gives that look to me, it feels like he’s thinking, “You suck at this, lady. Try again. I’m not buying it.” His looks are precious; he just absorbs everything around him and looks at you while he thinks about it.

Anyway, next we had a meeting with Thuy to plan out the rest of the week. We have a lot of adoption-related stuff to take care of, but we planned to go to the Melong Delta tomorrow and the Bin Tau Market (or something like that – can’t remember the exact name) on Thursday to do some authentic shopping. We’re leaving for Hanoi on Sunday morning, and will only be there until Wednesday morning (when we leave to come home). Ed and I are both actually really disappointed. I know this is contrary to what many who traveled under the old I600 procedures will say because they felt like three weeks was too long to stay, but we’re here for just under two weeks and it’s not enough time. We won’t have a chance to do anything we otherwise would have while we’re up north. Ed and I really wanted to do an overnight at Ha Long Bay and there’s no way that will happen (b/c we have adoption things to take care of every day that we’re in Hanoi). Anyway, that was pretty disappointing.

We learned that we had our adoption medicals for the babies this afternoon. At this medical appointment, you must receive clearance from Vietnam approving the child to leave the country (b/c he is healthy). Hmmm. I’ll write more about this when we return. Anyway, after a non-existent exam, we were told Mattix is a “strong boy” and we were approved.

Next, we went to the international clinic because Karen, one of our travel mates, and I wanted to have our children examined. I was worried that Mattix’s horrid rash was scabies and I was concerned about his cough and wheezing. Well, if the whole deal didn’t cost me $20 (seriously, $20), I may have been upset. This is the international clinic where we’re supposed to go if WE get sick while in country because the care is supposed to be good enough for Americans. Huh. I think if I went in there for something related to my health issues I’d probably leave with an amputated arm or something. This only motivated me to continue to take care of myself. While a million times better than the VN hospital where the children had their clearance medicals (I’d rather just die in my hotel room than EVER go there), the international clinic left something to be desired. The doctor who examined Mattix was nice and all, but she didn’t understand anything I asked or said. She told us his rash was “viral” and that he wasn’t sick at all. She then sent us to the waiting room. Five minutes later, a nurse came out with a prescription card for three different drugs for my “not sick” child. Strange. Anyway, he’s now supposed to be on antibiotics and Robitussin. I’ve turned into my mother – I’m thinking about whether he really needs them and hesitating on whether to start them. Dear God help me. I hope this kid never has to have surgery, or I’m worried I’ll go down Terry (my mom) style and deny him his pain medication.

Beginning this morning, Mattix screamed his head off any time I stopped moving while holding him. If I wasn’t bouncing him around like crazy or walking at a fast pace, we would freak out, arch his back, and scream. Ed and I started paying attention and realized that he had a complete meltdown each and every time we tried to just hold him.

As the day wore on, it became apparent that this child has never been held just to be held. I’m having a very hard time with that. At the medical clinic, he became so upset that I didn’t know what to do with him. We also noticed that he’ll cry up a storm, yet shed no tears. No matter how hard he cries, he doesn’t cry real tears. I became very upset because I know these issues are a result of being institutionalized for ten months without proper care (meaning nobody to hold him when he needed to be held, or hell, nobody to hold him at all, whether he needed it or not).

This is very, very difficult for me. I came into this adoption with no expectations as far as Mattix’s reaction to us. I fully realized this baby would not know Ed and me from Adam and therefore wouldn’t just fall in love with us the way we fell in love with him nine months ago. In fact, we expected him to be very apprehensive and guarded. We are complete strangers to him and I’m well aware of that.

Adoption involves a very significant amount of loss for the adopted child. An adopted child suffers the loss of his first mother, and then suffers yet another loss when he is removed from the orphanage. It’s easy for us to see that life with an adoptive family is far superior to life in an orphanage, but that doesn’t mean that the loss isn’t tremendous for the child.

Because of this, I never expected Mattix to just cling on and love us. However, I certainly didn’t expect him to have had such a tough life that he didn’t even know how to be held. We’re both hoping and praying that he just doesn’t want to be held by US. That’s perfectly fine and to be expected. Our concern is that he doesn’t want to be held at all because he never was.

I did my best not to cry in the van on the way home from the medical appointment. By the time we got back, I just wanted to return to our room. All of our group members were on overload and we were all wavering about the Mekong Delta trip. We really, really want to go, but I don’t think I can handle another day like today, which is exactly what will happen if we go out all day. After much debating, I had the world’s most brilliant idea (seriously, this is how tired all of us are – it took lots of discussion before I even came up with this one). I called Thuy and asked if she could reschedule the Mekong Delta trip to Friday or Saturday. She said that she could, so we’re going to spend tomorrow hanging around and just being low key to see how the kids do.

We ordered room service (and I finally ate!) and spent some time on the internet reading about holding and attachment. We’re of course going to give this some time and see how we progress. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! I’m sure it will. I also realize that I’m in a daze. I haven’t slept more than four hours a night (on a good night) since December 1st (which just so happen to follow up an out-til-4:00 a.m. night out with the girls). We’re obviously overtired and over-stimulated (no, it’s not just the baby that is experiencing a whole different world – we traveled across the world AND become parents in two days). We’re hopeful that each day, Mattix will show us a little more of his true self.

Wednesday

What a difference a day makes. Everyone always says to wait a few days once you have the child out of the orphanage and it’s true. We certainly don’t even know him yet, but this child is amazing. He becomes more and more engaged every minute. Last night, before we fell asleep, we were playing on the bed with stacking cups. (Stacking cups are the only toy we’ve used so far b/c he LOVES them. It’s not even natural how much he loves those stupid cheap plastic stacking cups.) Anyway, I would hold one up to my mouth, make a silly noise, and toss it at him. I’ve never heard a giggle that great. He laughed and laughed and laughed until he was choking (no I’m not trying to kill my kid). We did that for about 20 minutes. He had both Ed and I crying he was so precious. The smile on his face, with his two little bottom teeth half poking through, is priceless.

Nights are difficult. I hope they get better, but I’m not counting on it anytime soon. Nights are when you can really see the effects of his institutionalization. I’ll write more about it later, but it’s sad and upsetting. We’re doing what we’re “supposed” to do; we’ll just keep hoping for progress. The reason he’s bald on each side of his head is not b/c they shaved his head or because he lies on those sides. It’s because he yanks and scratches at his head so forcibly that he has pulled or rubbed all of the hair out. It’s called a self-soothing behavior. Because nobody responded to his needs for ten months, he had to learn how to calm himself and put himself to sleep alone. Institutionalized children often develop different self-soothing behaviors so that they can relax themselves when nobody responds to their cries. It makes my heart ache to watch him. When we prevent him from doing it (which we do), he becomes very, very frustrated. It’s such a strong need that he’ll do it on my (or Ed’s) chest or arms. It’s very painful when he does it to us – he gets his nails in there, pinches, grabs, pulls, and scratches, so I can only imagine how much it hurts his poor little baby head. We hope that over time, he’ll learn to rely on us so that he no longer needs to do this. However, we also know that children sometimes continue this for years. He doesn’t sleep through the night at all; he wakes up crying and sometimes terrified. We’re hopeful that this is due to a change in environment. Needless to say, we’re all very tired.

I don’t want to sound too depressing, because today was really a great day. He allowed us to hold him for short stretches. We couldn’t sit perfectly still, but we also weren’t bouncing him all over the place. Ed is absolutely amazing with Mattix. He’s such an incredible father. I was having a hard time this morning because every time I would try to pick Mattix up and he would cry, I would cry, too (I know – I’m actually crying). Not exactly helpful parenting! Ed worked with him for over an hour this morning, and by the end, Mattix would sit calmly in his arms for ten minutes at a time while they slowly wandered around the room. We played with him on the bed for hours. He’s so engaging. He’s starting to care more about us playing with him than his stacking cups. When we first brought him home, he wanted really only cared about his toys, not us.

Oh, before I forget to talk about the most important thing of the day (food), the breakfast at the Rex is freaking awesome. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it yet, but if I have, sorry – skip this part. We all know my day (life) revolves around what I can get down my gullet, and seriously, I could eat here every day. It’s sooo good. They have lots of Vietnamese food, in addition to some American and French dishes. Ed and I have yet to eat anything American because the Vietnamese food is so good! Oh, and I think Ed must have read the blog, because for the past two mornings, he has walked around with Mattix while I eat first. He even told me today to stop eating so quickly and enjoy it. Nice!

Okay, back to the baby. He took a nap for an hour and a half and woke up all happy and ready to go. We were meeting our travel mates for lunch, but because he slept a little long, we didn’t walk with them. Great idea. We couldn’t find the place. I asked for directions at our hotel. I’m not exactly sure what she said, so we interpreted the best we could and took off. Over the next hour, we walked blocks and blocks, in circles, asking at least five other people for directions. Each pointed is in the opposite way, so we would take off, walk for four or five blocks, then stop and ask someone else. We’re really great world travelers. The good news is that I can cross any street, anywhere. Really, I can now. I just go and pray (out loud). An hour later, sweating like a like a man, we found it. (Side note: I’m starting to look like a dude. Really, I am. I was looking through the photos from the past few days wondering exactly what happened. It’s not normal. I’m blaming it on the weather,) By the time we got there, we were so hot and so tired (and I was a little frazzled from all the street crossing) that I wanted a Valium, not lunch. Nobody had a Valium, so I settled for a Diet Coke and Ed a beer.

Thuy brought us all strollers yesterday and Ed and I gave it a try. I was a little worried but as it turns out, Mattix LOVES the stroller. Absolutely loves it. He hangs out in there, eyes wide open, looking back and forth to check out everything around him. He takes it all in and gives his little contemplative looks. Nothing scares him, which is shocking because all he’s ever known was the orphanage. The kids aren’t taken outside the orphanage, and certainly nowhere like THIS. Hell, I’m not used to this. It’s madness. (Although it could be that he IS scared, but he deals with it by becoming quiet. That’s how he reacted to us when we picked him up. He was very, very quiet and just studied us, but I do think he was upset. Hopefully we’re not traumatizing him.)

Oh, and he doesn’t sweat. I thought he did, which is why I had him in just a onesie the other day (when I got in trouble), but I’m apparently wrong. No sweat. What is up with that? The Americans are dying here, dressed in as little clothes as is socially acceptable, and he’s sporting the pants, long sleeve onesies, shoes, and hat and is as cool as a cucumber.

After lunch, we went sightseeing around town. We saw some really neat things. (Oh, and for my girls at home, authentic Louis Vuitton – they have lots of our favorite upscale boutiques here – does cost as much as it does in the states.) Anyway, by the time we finished, I was soaking wet with my own sweat, certain I was going to die at any moment of heat stroke. You could have rung out my tank top. I’m from the desert and I can’t take this. I’d suggest that Al Gore take a trip to Vietnam to focus his global warming awareness efforts on this place, because something’s got to be going on with that.

Mattix loved every minute of the walk and so did Ed and I. There are so many amazing, old buildings here. It’s neat to walk around the streets and just see everything. There are lots of people on the streets selling stuff. Some of it is interesting; some of it made me throw up a little. There are tons of street vendors with all sorts of food, and all I wanna know is who buys shrimp that is sitting in baskets on the street when it’s 145 degrees out. The smell alone makes you want to die. Bacteria, anyone? Oh, and if anyone wants to learn Vietnamese, Ed purchased a translation book from someone who just wouldn’t let up. Yeah, ‘cause that’s helpful. Just because I can see the word written in Vietnamese certainly doesn’t mean I can pronounce it. The good news is that there’s an entire section apparently focused on picking up hookers, entitled “Sex,” wherein you learn the important stuff, including: “How much?” “Harder!” “I won’t do it without a condom!” and “I love you” (because you’ve gotta be polite, right?). If anyone needs it for a future trip, shoot me an email.

Anyway, after our walk, we came back to the room and hung out together. It was great. Mattix is opening up so much. He smiles at us, giggles, works hard to make eye contact, and gives the sweetest looks. He’s the most precious baby. It makes me cry to think about how much more he deserved for the first ten months of his life. I’ll get through that, but it’s hard, just knowing that someone so sweet and helpless has been through so much. Today he stood up – ON HIS OWN – twice, for a few seconds each time. He’s just a few days shy of ten months, so I believe he’s right on track with that. He walks while holding your hands, and he walks around the bed (really quickly) while holding on to the edge. Now that I think about it, I’m certain he’s highly gifted, possibly a genius. Sorry, I’m just being honest. Even if he’s just right on track, I’ve determined he’s brilliant. (He’s probably going to solve the global warming issue, mentioned above, and show Al Gore that although simply talking about a problem may get you the Nobel Peace Prize, solving it is better.) Anyhoo, I digress. After spending every day of your life in a crib, enough so to make your head flat, you’ve gotta be special to be physically on track, right? It’s too early to make any determinations about his mental and emotional development, but from what we’ve seen, he’s an amazing little boy!

We met our travel mates for dinner on the Rooftop, which was fun (mostly because they have Vodka tonics, but also because it’s fun to eat with them). After that, we went across to the street to the Tax Market to buy more stuff for Mattix. (Seriously, he needs a lot of stuff. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Diapers, formula, wipes, baby food, blah, blah, blah. Geez.) The Christmas season in Vietnam is cool and weird. I guess the Tax Market is like a mall (nothing like our malls – very strange), and right now, it’s like going to the mall during Christmas, except we’re in Vietnam and all the Christmas music is English rap versions of popular Christmas songs. And there are people, people everywhere. It’s like shopping the day before Christmas, except it’s not the day before Christmas. They have a tree set up in the middle on the ground floor and some Christmas decorations around it, and the way people gather around in awe, laugh, talk loudly, point, and take pictures like crazy posed in front of it, you would think there was a celebrity there. Except there’s not. Very, very interesting.

So that’s all I have today (“all” – I think I wrote too much again). Things are improving each day. Tomorrow is the shopping day, so I’m sure I’ll have exciting things to share. Hope everyone is doing well at home. I hear it’s raining a lot at home. (Kedra – hopefully the green isn’t filling up too much! I wouldn’t like to come home to a flooded yard!) Thank you all SO much for your emails and comments – Ed and I absolutely LOVE reading them and we’re sorry we can’t respond right now. We’re short on internet time, plus the connection is spotty at best. We’ll talk to you all soon!

December 13 – Shopping Madness

Each day just gets better! The nights not so much; last night was another long one. The new mom and dad are zombies, so someone please help me understand why, at 5:00 a.m. after crying, tossing, turning, and more crying all night, Mattix wakes up, sits up, smiles at us with the most beautiful little grin we’ve ever seen, and begins to play? Those who know me well know I’m not a morning person. At all. However, I love waking up to that face so much that I’m excited to see him open his eyes. I can’t get over how lucky we are to raise him. After our morning routine (which somehow takes over two hours), we of course went upstairs for breakfast, then met our group in the lobby because today was shopping day! Mattix was rollin’ in the stroller, ready for action.

We all piled into the van, ready for a nice, air conditioned van ride. Two minutes later, we were there. Huh? It turns out it’s only about five blocks from our hotel. This was a whole new experience. I would give you something to compare it to, but nothing comes to mind. I haven’t been to the fair in YEARS (since I was very young), but I recall going indoors where there were tables set up where people sold different things. Take that concept, but shove hundreds of vendors into a giant, non-air conditioned warehouse with hundreds and hundreds of people shoving, pushing, and shopping. It’s crazy busy and overwhelming. People are trying to sell you things left and right. It’s hard to focus on anything, let along make decisions. It is so hot. So. Hot. The air is all hot, humid, stale, and did I mention hot? Some of the “isles” off of the main ones are so narrow that you’re constantly bumping into people. There were many places we couldn’t go with Mattix because they were too narrow to get the stroller down the aisles (and this is a little stroller – comparable to an umbrella stroller in the states).

Mattix lost interest quickly because we would stop moving to look. Every time we stopped, he got irritated. The more irritated he got, the louder he got. Not that it mattered, because the tremendous amount of noise drowned him out. At one point, a vendor came up to the stroller, unbuckled him, and helped herself. She bounced him around and talked to him for a while. He seemed to enjoy it. Ed stood there and watched him while I shopped (of course).

I really can’t stress how packed and tight this place was. I’m no slender princess by any means, but I’m not exactly huge. There was one isle I wasn’t sure I’d make it down. Despite that, this place was great for my self esteem. The women would tell me how “beautiful you face, eyes” are and touch my cheek. Don’t try to tell me it’s because they wanted me to buy their things. I don’t believe it. I’m just looking that good these days. The sweaty pig look suits me. I must have been mistaken yesterday when I thought I was starting to look like a dude, because they said I’m beautiful. I’ll have to look at the photos again to be sure, but I’m inclined to agree with them.

We bought lots of great stuff. The prices were very good. You’re supposed to barter, which I’m not that good at, although I got a little better as we shopped. I felt like a bad person engaging in the bartering thing, but Thuy told us that they inflate the prices significantly and it’s part of the process. I guess they do that expecting you to barter, but hoping you’re stupid. I may have been stupid a few times, but my skills improved. We bought some really neat things, including some stuff for Mattix’s room and for around the house.

I forgot to mention that at one point, Thuy took Mattix in his stroller for us. Sounds minor, but it was so unbelievably helpful. We were having the hardest time entertaining him, shopping, bartering, and carrying all of our stuff. She pushed him around for at least an hour and we were able to do a lot of shopping during that time. After she returned him (she had to go with Matt to the passport office to pick up the baby’s passports), we shopped some more, but we were all slowly dying. It was a combination of the heat, the sickening stench of some pretty funky foods that were once again festering in the heat, and the fact that we were all very dehydrated. We kept trying to leave, but I would think of “just one more thing” that I really NEEDED, so it took a while to get out of there.

Let me offer a little perspective so you can understand exactly how hot it was in there. When we stepped outside, it felt cool and I was relieved to be in the sickening, hot, sweltering outdoor heat. Mattix just sat there, looking up at me, certainly thinking, “Stupid Americans.” Just wait, little man, until you truly appreciate air conditioning. Then who’s gonna be laughing?! By the time we hoofed it back (crossing a few scary streets), carrying tons of really heavy stuff, I was a D-O-N-E. At first, I carried a few of the boxes because I was too afraid to push Mattix across the street in the stroller. The boxes were very heavy, though, and it got so bad that I set them down on the sidewalk and was ready to take a rest. At that point, I decided I was willing to risk it and Ed and I switched jobs. If I needed a Valium yesterday, I need a horse tranquilizer today.
Mattix was incredible during this whole thing. All CHI adoptive families make the shopping trip, so I guess we all neglect the kids for a few hours. That’s what it feels like. I would NEVER do something like that at home if I had him with me. We even allowed him to hold his own bottle because there was no way I was going to take him out of the stroller, lay him back in my arms, and feed it to him. (I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but we haven’t allowed him to feed himself since he joined us on Monday and won’t for quite some time. Adopted kids have to learn to hold their own bottles as soon as possible. In fact, I can see in the progression of photos we received over the months the point at which he probably was able to hold his own bottle, because he gained a significant amount of weight. I don’t know how they do it in KG, but I do know that for many children in orphanages, the bottles are propped because there are not enough hands to feed all the babies. Again, I don’t know if this is the case with Mattix, but I do know that there was a very distinct point that we could see him go from underweight to a very healthy weight, and I think it was about the time he would have been able to hold his own bottle. The reason that we don’t allow him to hold it anymore is so that he can learn to rely on US for food, rather than himself. It’s another way to facilitate bonding and trust – he’ll know that WE are here to feed him, and to feed him when he needs it, not on a fixed schedule).

Anyway, by the time we got back, his little diaper was wet and he was exhausted and hungry and I swear, even though he didn’t look like it, he had to be hot. I couldn’t strip my sweaty clothes off quickly enough. We have the temperature in our room set to about 60 degrees, and the cold felt soooooo good. The worst part of this whole thing it that we have to go back on Saturday because I thought of more things that I “need!”

Praise the Lord Mattix finally got good and tired. Now that I think about it, we’ll definitely do this again on Saturday, because all three of us slept from noon until 3:00. He slept fitfully and whimpered and whined, but he only had one or two major crying episodes, which is great for a three hour period. Ed and I both felt great when we woke up.

Matttix woke up in a really sweet, happy mood. He woke up slowly and we talked to him quietly, and he wasn’t at all startled today. In fact, he opened his eyes, rolled over and smiled at us. Oh my gosh. Melt my heart. He has the most beautiful smile. I just can’t seem to catch it on camera because he’ll be laughing, smiling, giggling, and playing, then I pull out the camera, and it just stops and stares at me, as if to say, “I’m not a zoo animal. I will not perform for the camera!” I did have a little more luck today, so I have a few cute pictures to share. We’re going to have to catch this giggling and laughing on camera, because it’s priceless.

We went to a group dinner at a local restaurant. I don’t know the name of the restaurant, but is was very, very good! We sat by the water, so I was the proud recipient of a few mosquito bites. If I come home with dengue fever, don’t worry about it. They do things very differently here. By the time some of our group’s food came out, many of us were done with our dinner. I mean, there was probably a 25 or 30 minute span between the time that the first plates came out and the last. Anyway, the food was good and we all had a nice time. La (I’m not sure how to spell her name) took us. She’s such a sweetheart and it’s obvious she also cares about what she does.

Mattix did surprisingly well. We had to walk him around for about 75% of dinner, but he allowed us to hold him without struggling. He was very curious about what was going on. So was I. It was a strange setup. I guess it was all one restaurant, but it was spread out over a huge space, with different rooms (some enclosed, others open) and spaces. There were two Vietnamese weddings taking place, and they were really going to town with the karaoke at one of them. My favorite is when one totally tone deaf guy broke out in the Vietnamese version of Old Time Rock N’ Roll.

All of the kids started to get tired and cranky by the end of dinner. We were pretty anxious to leave, but another thing that sometimes seems to take while here is figuring out the check so that you can pay. It seems like they sort of come out and figure out what you ordered after the fact, then add it up the old fashioned way. I haven’t seen a single computerized system at a restaurant yet. We have eaten at a few places where they asked us what we had, assumed we were being honest (which we were), then wrote it down and added it up. It’s a process for sure.

I couldn’t wait to climb back into the air conditioned van, so Mattix and I headed back while Ed paid (the driver usually leaves five or ten minutes before the group to get the air going). Yeah, well, I walked out into the parking lot to find about 15 vans that looked exactly like ours. At that point, I didn’t really care whose van I was in, as long as the A/C was one. I found one that was running and guessed. Lucky for us, I guessed correctly.

Because it was past Mattix’s bedtime when we got home, he was overtired and adorable! When he’s really sleepy, he’s either super sweet and giggly, or irritable and cranky. Well tonight was the former and it was so much fun. I almost didn’t want him to fall asleep because we were enjoying him so much. He’s a crackup. Ed was making some silly noises and shaking (sounds weird – I can’t really describe it) and Mattix thought that that was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. He would laugh and laugh. Deep belly laughs to the point where he would have to stop to catch his breath. Then he would clap his hands and scream so that Ed would do it again. All three of us were rolling around the bed, giggling, and making stupid sounds. It’s amazing how silly you’ll act (and enjoy it) just to entertain a baby. It’s also amazing how much fun it is. Mattix is such a blessing. I can’t get over how lucky we are to raise him. He’s funny, smart, curious, and pushy. We love him so much and we probably don’t even know him yet. It’s fascinating to watch him warm up to us more and more each day. Every morning, he wakes up and it seems like he’s ready to show us a new part of him. I love getting to know him. I love the way he engages us with his smiles. He’ll look right at one of us when we’re out (which is when he’s very guarded, quiet, and apprehensive), and crack the biggest, two half-tooth grin ever. Sometimes it is difficult not to cry. However, when other people try to get him to smile or laugh, he usually gives them his “are you done acting stupid yet?” stare. We can see how much more comfortable with us he is becoming because his behavior in our hotel room is such a stark contrast to his behavior outside of it. It’s like we have two different babies.

And now that you I’ve shared how cute Mattix is, I think it’s time to end with the world’s most disgusting story. This morning, after his yogurt, Mattix dropped a load that Ed “detected” early. Ed was quite pleased with himself, even mentioning that it was great he noticed right away so that Mattix knows we’ll change him as soon as he needs it. Hmmmm. I’m not sure if you know where this is going, but for those with a weak stomach (like me), stop reading and skip to the end.

Ed flips him on his back, expertly removes his diaper, and busts out the wipes. Ed says, “Wow, that’s a small one, and not messy, either.” He’s sitting there holding little Mattix’s feet in the air, hog tied-style, wiping away smugly, mumbling about how good he’s getting at this, when he yells, “Holy crap. He’s not done! Get a towel or something.” I turn around to see my adorable, precious little child dumping all over the place with Ed trying to catch it in the folded up used diaper, little legs still straight up in the air, held tightly by Ed. I run to the bathroom and grab and a hand towel just in time. (Sorry, Rex Hotel, this one’s going in the trash. Charge the room.) After what seemed like an eternity and a very large amount of “stuff,” Ed moves the soiled towel and again proceeds to wipe away. I’m half conscious at this point, doubled over in the corner of the room, alternating between laughing and gagging, when Ed yells, “For the love of God, he’s still not done! And now he’s peeing everywhere!” At this point, sweet little Mattix has his face twisted in knots, is grunting loudly, and pee is spraying everywhere. Following each grunt, he giggles and smiles, very pleased with himself, then repeats the whole process. I run to the bathroom again for another towel, but it’s evident to me that things are not looking good for the Rex’s comforter.

We both got Mattix all cleaned up, did what we could with the comforter and a handful of baby wipes, wrapped the towels up in plastic bags and threw them away, and called housekeeping. I’m not sure we were all that popular with the two really nice ladies who came out with only one new sheet in hand. They seemed a little confused when I gestured that the whole thing (comforter, sheets, and all) had to go, but they went replaced all of the bedding. They talked a lot while they were changing the bedding, and I can only imagine what they were saying. Twenty minutes and two large tips later, we were as good as new. As for Mattix, I have yet to see him that happy. If you had seen the amount of stuff that came out of that little 18 pound body, you would understand why.

Tomorrow we tour the Mekong Delta, which should be a very neat, hot, and long experience. I’m sure I’ll have lots to share!

December 14 – A Touch of Bird Flu and the Mekong Delta

Dear Crappy International Clinic “Doctor,”

You suck.

Sincerely,
A very unhappy, sick, scabies-infested mom

I’ll get into our day (which was long but good) in a minute, but first, for the future adoptive families reading this, if you think your child is sick or has scabies, and the doctor at the international clinic (which clinic is supposed to be “good”) tells you otherwise, I would follow my instincts. Turns out the rash isn’t just “viral.” The poor kid is infested with scabies. How do I know this? Because I now have them, too. I’m actually glad I ended up with them because that indicated to me that I needed to treat my little guy. I feel terrible that Mattix has had them since he joined us on Sunday (well, I’m sure he’s had them for much, much longer, but I’ve had the ability to do something since Sunday), I’m sitting here with three tubes of Elimite, and he’s scratching away. I started itching last night during my sleep, on my left hand and forearm. It’s a really painful itch, almost aching, then burning. I woke up this morning and told Ed I thought I had scabies, and he told me I was being ridiculous and to stop overreacting. Yeah, well, by this evening, the itchy area on my hand started sprouting a few bumps. I had our travel mate Karen look at Mattix’s rash, especially the one on his feet, and she said that it looked exactly like her son’s rash before they treated it. (Her son, who was from the same orphanage/same baby room as Mattix, had scabies, as diagnosed by an apparently competent doctor at the same international clinic on the same day. It would make sense to me that if one child from the same room has them, another will, too, but nooooo, not so says the incompetent tool bag M.D. from the international clinic.)

So, tonight, we once again called housekeeping and had them strip and replace every last piece of bedding in our room. I think they are starting to wonder what the hell we’re doing in here that necessitates new bedding twice a day (they replace the sheets and pillow cases every morning, and here we are calling them a second time each day to replace those and the comforter). I gave Mattix a bath and covered him with Elimite from head to toe, showered myself and covered myself, and had Ed shower and do the same. Although Ed apparently escaped the wrath of the scabies, we decided that everyone gets treated to avoid re-infestation.

The good news is that it should only take one treatment to get rid of them, and they totally die within 24-48 hours. The bad news is GROSS. Seriously. Gross. I’ve never even had head lice, and here I am sporting skin mites. Cool. Actually, I’m handling this really well. I didn’t even freak out. Having a kid makes you very level-headed. Non-mommy Laura wouldn’t have done so well with having little microscopic bugs hanging out under her skin, but Mommy Laura just went straight for the solution. To everyone at home, not to worry. You can’t catch them from casual contact at all and even if you could, they’ll be long dead by the time we leave Vietnam. Like I said, they all die within two days. In fact, the itching is starting to lessen, and I just applied the bug killer cream three hours ago. And if you Google “scabies” like I did, don’t freak out. Neither Mattix nor I look anything like those horrible pictures. While his rash isn’t exactly lookin’ good, it’s nothing like most of the worst-case scenario pictures on the ‘net, and I only have three small bumps on my hand.

Like I said, I’m mostly upset because this poor little guy has probably had these things for most of his ten months and I should have just known to treat him right away. I could see them in so many sets of photos we received. When we finally had him, I wanted to treat him but Thuy suggested we wait to see if it got better because the kids sometimes just have bad heat rashes or terrible eczema. That’s completely reasonable. However, when it didn’t get better, I should have just treated him instead of assuming that the “doctor” (I use the term loosely) at the clinic knew what she was talking about. Poor little guy. It’s only been three or four hours and already you can tell he’s not itching much. Karen’s son was feeling better within eight hours as well, so the good news is that he should be like a new baby by tomorrow morning.

Next order of business: not only do I look like a dude, I now sound like one. This may come as a shock, but the “doctor” at the international clinic was….wrong again! Mattix obviously has some sort of nasty infection, and now, so do I. I caught my first illness from my child. This certainly doesn’t feel like a cold, so I’m breaking out the Amoxicillin for myself and the Clamoxly for Mattix (you know, the antibiotics the “doctor” at the clinic gave my “not sick” son). I’m really hopeful that it’s just an infection. Could be the bird flu. Probably a 50-50 shot. There were enough chickens, ducks and roosters living around the places we drove through on the way to KG that you never know. We’ll see. I’ll either die or get better, right? (I’m totally kidding, just in case you missed the sarcasm.) Ed can’t decide if my new deep voice is low and sexy or creepy (too dude-ish). I suspect he’s having mixed feelings about liking it, yet realizing I sound like a man. He’ll have to sort that out for himself. I’m too busy scratching my scabies to help.

On to more important things…

HAPPY TEN MONTHS, BABY BOY!
Our little guy turned ten months old today! I’m so happy that he’s part of our family now.

 This morning, our little “birthday boy” decided that he was going to sleep in. I’m happy he had a good night’s sleep. Really, I am. I just want to know why he decided to sleep in on the one day when Mom and Dad had to be downstairs at 8:00 a.m. Instead of his usual 5:00 a.m. wakeup call, WE actually had to wake him up at 7:00. And he was annoyed. Really, really annoyed. I was annoyed that I had to get up at 6:00, so I totally understand. After a little wakeup time, he was back to his happy morning self. He’s starting to like the duck-bath, and today we discovered today that it actually quacks. (Note for future adoptive families: I would highly recommend the duck bath. It’s inflatable, doesn’t take up that much room in your luggage, and it’s pretty light. We just keep it inflated in the bathroom. The tubs here are large and slippery, and without Mr. Duck, I’d be worried about him falling backwards and hitting his little head. It makes bath time much easier and much more fun. I bought it at Walmart in the baby section.)

Once we were dressed and ready, we had just enough time to run upstairs to my new favorite place – the breakfast buffet – where Ed and I shoveled down a bit of food in between feeding Mattix. We’re getting really good at this. One of us puts him in our lap, and we alternate giving him bites. Ed gives Mattix a bite of yogurt while I take a bite of my food, then I give Mattix a bite of yogurt while Ed takes a bite of his food (Ed’s food, not Mattix’s!). So much for my weight loss plan.

We left for the Mekong Delta around 8:15. It was a 1.5 hour ride, which seemed like small potatoes compared to the seven hour ride to/from KG. Mattix isn’t going to be keen on his car seat. I see a lot of screaming in the future for us. He does not like to be confined or to hold still. Lucky for him, there are no seatbelts or car seats here, so he doesn’t have to hold still, but things are certainly going to change in a week!

We arrived at the Mekong Delta and met our tour guide, Kim, who was awesome. She speaks (and writes) five languages fluently: Vietnamese (1st language), Russian, French, English, and Mandarin. She studied in Russia for five years when she was in college. Pretty impressive. Her English was amazing. She said that in order to have a good job here, a person must speak English. She told me that we (Americans) are lucky because we can go almost anywhere in the world and get by because English is spoken in so many places.

We had to climb onto an old, rickety boat for the ride across the river. That was interesting. There are no handrails or anything. You just walk down a narrow slab of concrete and onto the front of the boat. Ed carried Mattix because I wasn’t quite ready to fall into the Mekong with the baby. For someone who hates water and used to get nauseous and panicky ridding across the bay to downtown San Diego in a ferry when we lived in Coronado, I certainly didn’t have any issues with what we did today. I’m not even sure there were life vests on the boat. I didn’t think about it, really. I surprise myself sometimes.

We arrived on the other side, climbed off the boat in the same manner, and saw how coconut candy is made. It’s a pretty interesting process. The guy who uses the giant, scary, pointy speak-like device that is anchored in the ground is talented if you ask me. He can apparently peel 1,200 coconuts per day on the spear without decapitating himself. That alone impresses me. The candy is delicious, especially after it is just made and is still warm. We bought a bunch to bring home for you guys to try if you’re interested.

We climbed back on the boat and continued on to the next stop, where we walked through a really beautiful garden. There were a few scary monkeys in cages that Kim fed and one giant, horribly, nasty python that was capable of killing and eating a person (really, I’m not just saying that to be funny ~ Kim said it is capable of eating a human). It was huge and not okay at all.

After that, we wandered to the “snack” area, where we had tea and some of the most amazing fruit ever: papaya, dragon fruit, pineapples, and mini bananas. Mattix LOVED the mini bananas. I mashed up little bites in my fingers and let him lick them off. (Yeah, that’s how I do it these days. I squash banana on my fingers and stick them in his mouth. I think I officially qualify as “mom.”)

Next came the worst part of the day. I wasn’t worried about falling in the Mekong and drowning. Whatever. But having a horrible python put around my neck? That about did me in. I included the photos just so you’ll believe that I did it. If you know my extreme fear of snakes, you’ll understand why I look this way in the photo. (Kedra, next time we hike the mountain and there are rattle snakes all over, I’ll be good to go. I’m obviously good with the snakes.)

After doing a few more touristy-things (during which they try, try, try to sell you stuff, and during which Ed and I were weak, weak, weak), we climbed into row boats and headed down the channels. That was actually really neat. By this time, Mattix had fallen asleep in the Baby Bjourn. We knew the sleeping part wouldn’t last long, but we were both really happy about that because he usually resists being held tightly against us enough to relax. He actually fell asleep while we were doing rice wine shots at the tea table (we’re a crazy group of partiers, the Walls – our travel mates – and us), so we transitioned him to the carrier where he fell back to sleep. Climbing into the row boat with the baby strapped to me was certainly interesting. It’s pretty unsteady and it feels like you’re going to tip over into the water. I could just envision Mattix and I going down, poor little guy strapped to me in the carrier. I figured if I fell into that water, I’d prefer them to just let me go down, ‘cause I probably wouldn’t ever be the same again. That water does NOT look clean, and I do NOT want to know what lives in there.

There was more to the tour, but nothing super exciting and this is getting a bit long. We stopped for lunch on the way home, wherein both the babies were not havin’ it and were not interested in allowing their parents to eat at the same time. This restaurant seemed a bit more touristy and most of the food was fried. It was really good, and really, when am I one to turn down fried food? I don’t know exactly what I ate because I chose it based on the pictures, but I really enjoyed it all. Ed had his own little fan club of three (female) Vietnamese servers who gathered around the table and stayed there the entire time, rolling each of his pancakes (something to do with rice, shrimp, crab, cheese, and some other stuff) in lettuce and vegetables for him, then smiling and giggling each time he took a bite and indicated it was good. If I weren’t trying to entertain Mattix, who by that time had made a HUGE mess with some teething biscuits that Karen had given him (and that he LOVES), I might have found the whole fan club amusing. However, lazy, rude American that I am, I was mostly just wondering why one of the fan club didn’t want to hold the baby?!

The highlight of the day for Ed occurred when Kim, the travel guide, told Ed that Mattix looked like him. La also said that last night. Lost of family and friends have told him that over the past nine months each time we received a set of pictures. I used to roll my eyes, but now that two Vietnamese people have validated it, I’ll stop making fun of him and concede the point. Kim also said that Ed could be Vietnamese. We were buying a T-shirt during the tour for someone at home and I asked for a large. Kim engaged in some serious discussion with the vendor, then asked us if it would be for someone “like” Ed or a “big American.” We indicated the latter, so they gave us a 2XL, which honestly is probably slightly smaller than an American size large. Remind me never to shop in Vietnam. My ego can’t handle it. I’m going to keep hitting up Banana Republic, where I totally buy into the theory that I’m a size 2 because that’s what the pants that fit say I am, and there’s no chance that Banana Republic downs their sizes to make consumers feel good about purchasing their clothing, thereby increasing their sales. No, it’s because I’m really a size 2. ThankYouVeryMuch.

Ed asked Huey (the CHI’s rep who went with us today) to teach him how to say “I love you” to Mattix in Vietnamese. After much gentle correction and practice, he’s fairly sure he has it down. He impressed his fan club at the restaurant with it, so he must be pretty close. If you’ve seen the movie Babe, Ed thinks it sounds like the pig when he says, “Baaa Ram Ewe!” I have no idea how to spell it, but it sounds something like “Ba ew gong.” When the mom says it, she says, “Ma ew gong.” Vietnamese is so difficult because it is all tonal and there are SIX tones. I think that in order to ever really learn to speak Vietnamese with any skill, it would be necessary to live here for a period of time to go for total immersion.

Actually, I need to correct myself. I think the real highlight of Ed’s day happened tonight, when he went out by himself to take photos (while I sat at home with the baby, barefoot, slaving over the stove, cooking him dinner…) First, a few children rooked him into buying gum (that he actually brought back and suggest I chew. Seriously? I think not). He apparently tried to resist first, but when the little girl told him he was handsome, he relented. Much like me at the market yesterday, he’s pretty sure she really thought he was handsome. It had nothing to do with her wanting him to buy the gum. He was most impressed when she skipped (literally skipped) out in the rushing traffic to sell gum on the other side of the street. He said she just took off skipping, out into six lanes of traffic that never stops, and made it to the other side whole, without hesitating once. Scary.

Second, he’s pretty sure he was proposition by a hooker. I asked him how he knew this, and he said he had a good idea when she said, “I go back to room with you.” I guess that might be the first clue. And when he said, “Um, no thank you” and smiled uncomfortably, she said, “Why you make that face? I go back to you room with you, okay?” Here’s what I think. If he’d had his special translation book with him (to read all about the translation book, click here: ) things might have gone a little differently, but because he didn’t know the important phrases, he was outta luck. Maybe another night.

 Oh, and Mom, Ed wanted me to tell you that we have yet to find a place that serves sweet & sour sauce or sweet mustard. Strange, huh? Although we didn’t ask anywhere so as not to thoroughly embarrass ourselves, we have not seen either yet. The fish sauce here is amazing, though, and I think even you would love it. If I can find some to bring home, I will because you’re missing out.

A few little Mattix factoids:

- He weighs just over 18 pounds
- He makes the a cute little smacking sounds with his lips when he likes what he’s eating
- He claps his hands when he gets really excited and also bounces up and down
- He started sucking his cheeks in and making a really funny noise while doing it today. We think he might be trying to mimic us giving him kisses, but he’s just a little off
- When we’re playing on the bed, he throws himself down on his stomach and rolls around. If Ed or I lay down next to him, he rolls up to us, looks us in the eye, and smiles. It’s priceless
- He started blowing spit bubbles today. Kinda gross, kinda cute
- He fits right in with his mommy – he’ll eat just about anything. The boy can eat like a champ. If we’re eating, he wants what we have and gets quite irritated when we won’t share. Makes me proud! (Oh, and he’s a messy eater just like me, too!)
- Sometimes he likes having his diaper changed, other times it really, really annoys him and he lets us know.

Time to end today’s novel. It is 2:15 in the morning, I missed the “good” sleeping hours long ago (the first two or three, where Mattix screams, tosses and turns the least), the scabies must be gettin’ busy making baby scabies because I itch like crazy, and I think the bird flu is worsening. Because we don’t actually have to be anywhere tomorrow morning, I’m sure Mattix will wake up around 4:00 a.m., 5:00 at the latest, so I’d better catch a few hours while I can.

We miss you all lots!

OH, AND FOR THE RECORD: I have not posted all these pictures with me in them because I enjoy seeing my slimy skin, frizzy hair, man arms, and lazy eye over and over and think that you will, too. It’s because Ed won’t share his beloved camera very often (he apparently doesn’t trust me with the camera, but no worries with the baby) and all of the photos we have of Mattix today were taken when we were out and therefore I was carrying him. I’m not about to set my baby down in the boat to get a good solo shot, so we’ll all just have to deal with it.

December 15 – Gluttons for Punishment

Quick note about the photos: because the captions function isn’t working (which irritates the crap out of me), I wanted to point out two things. First, the photo with all of the women sitting in the small area is a photo of a nail salon here (in the market). I asked if I could take a photo and they allowed me. I’d have some pretty mangled toenails if this was my only option. Second, at mom’s request, the photo with Mattix and the woman in pink pants is Thuy, our VN coordinator. She’s a miracle worker. I have a few more of her I’ll post later.

Another Note: Unfortunately, we can’t treat Mattix’s whole body with the scabies meds again. There are two types: one can be used for three to five days, and the other only once every seven days. I called a pharmacist at home, and learned Elimite (generic is Permethrin) is used only once eveyr seven days. However, it seems as though the scabies have began traveling up to his face, where I didn’t use much at all because I was worried about putting it there. I don’t think that was my best idea, because it looks like they are all taking up residence in the untreated areas on his cheeks. If his face continues to look worse, I’ll have to retreat just his face.

Well, you’d think Ed would learn, but apparently that’s not the case. As such, I don’t have any good crappy diaper stories to share because when Ed once again took off Mattix’s diaper this morning too soon, I declined to assist. All I overheard was Ed saying, “Again? Why?” followed by two minutes of Mattix grunting, then “Awesome! I caught it!” This is my life.

As predicted, Little Man woke up at 5:00 a.m. After only sleeping for two hours, I was not pleased. He was fussy and whiny though, so we decided (prayed) that he might be willing to sleep a little longer. Forty five minutes, one bottle, and a lot of tossing and turning later, he was back asleep. At 7:45, I woke up to the sweetest little hand on my face. I opened my eyes too see Mattix’s little face was two inches from mine, smiling at me, saying “Dadadadadada.” Not quite Dada, but I’ll take it. What a great way to wake up. After he was sure I was up, he crawled over to Ed and woke him up, too. This is great – he wants us up and interacting with him. On the first morning, he couldn’t have cared less if we were up or not because he had no expectations of us. Now he wants us to wake up and play with him. Very, very cool.

He was starving by the time we got to breakfast. He ate his entire container of yogurt, some nasty looking “porridge” from the restaurant, and half of a mashed up mini banana. He loves bananas! It was so cute watching him take a bite, then get annoyed while we got the next bite ready. He couldn’t get the banana bites in quickly enough.

Oh, Laura, you’ll find this amusing. This morning, while we were dressing him, Ed noticed something white on the floor and asked me to pick it up. It turns out it was one of the M&M’s from the baby shower with his birth date on it! It made it all the way to Vietnam in one of the socks that apparently never made it into the wash. By the way, those are the socks he’s been wearing this whole trip. I brought the whole stack and somehow, I always find a pair to match his outfit.

So, I got mine for not helping Ed earlier this morning, While Ed was in the bathroom, Mattix was crawling around the floor, playing with his stacking cups (of course), when I detected a foul odor. I smell pretty terribly these days, but this was much worse than my usual BO. I went for Mattix, because when something stinks, he’s usually suspect. Upon close inspection, I found doody all over the back of his legs and socks. Great. Another blow out. These diapers are so cheap! I got to strip him down, toss him in the tub, and hose him off. Thank goodness for the removable shower heard or we’d be in trouble. I was a little put out because we had dressed him in a onesie and the ONLY pair of elastic waist shorts that I brought. That only pair of shorts was now doody stained.

Why did he need shorts, you ask? Because we’re gluttons for punishment and were headed back to the big market for more shopping. Once we were home the other day, I thought of about 20 things I really needed but didn’t buy. Ed was game because, believe it or not, sometimes he’s in the mood to shop. I had dressed Mattix in a onesie, shorts, and no socks and decided that I didn’t care if anyone (or everyone) had something to say about it. It’s well over 100 degrees in there and the humidity is out of control. Vietnamese or not, the boy was hot the other day.

Well, unfortunately, because his only pair of shorts was covered in doody, Mattix ended up in a onesie and a thin pair of pants, which I pulled up to his knees, and no socks. And off we went, in the stroller, ready to face the stank, heat, and crowd.

Ugh. Long day. We were there for almost four hours. The smell today was so rank, and probably because of my cold (bird flu) and dehydration, there were a few times I really thought I was going to lose my breakfast, which would have really upset me, because that’s now the meal where I eat the most. Of course, I’m not one to give up my food easily, so I managed to keep it down. Like usual, Mattix was a champ in his stroller. He hung out in there for all four hours, only getting fussy a few times. Water, some formula, a little juice, and a few teething biscuits were all it took to make him happy. He doesn’t like to stop moving, so if one of us wanted to stop and browse for long, the other would push him around.

Lots of people were of course interested in him. Many people touched him, talked to him, sang to him, and asked us the usual question, “Vietnam baby?” to which we would respond in the affirmative, followed by, “Go to America?” Today was a little stranger, though, because three separate people asked Ed if he was Vietnamese. One assumed he spoke Vietnamese and started talking to him. When he just smiled and didn’t respond, she said, “You speak Vietnamese?” He shook his head to indicate that he didn’t, and she said, “Ooohhhhh.” Maybe he’s starting to look like the locals the longer we’re here??? I dunno. When he was pushing the stroller and was a few steps ahead of me (so it was difficult to tell that were together), a few people asked him, “You have wife?” and when he would turn around a point to me, I think they were surprised and disappointed. I was waiting for an “Ohhhh, you small Vietnamese man with biiiiggggg American wife.” Apparently the locals are unimpressed with my eight pound weight loss. Whatever. As far as I’m concerned, I rule.

As if my self esteem weren’t damaged enough, I decided that Ed and I needed traditional Vietnamese outfits to go with one (of about eight) that we bought for Mattix for a family photograph when we return home. Ed, who is of course always in need of a self esteem boost because of his poor self image, was quite pleased that the first place we asked had one in his size, and he about threw a party when he found out it was an XL. He’s never been an XL in his entire life, so this is quite the novelty for him. Maybe that’s why Ed’s such a hit here – he might be able to pass as Vietnamese, and he’s really big, so he’s quite the prize. If I have to hear him tell me he looks Vietnamese one more time, all pleased with himself, they can keep him.

Not such a party for me, however. I approached a woman whose booth had one that I liked, pointed at it, and asked for a “big” one and pointed at myself. “Ohhhh nooooooo, not have big,” was the response I got, in addition to some serious head shaking. Apparently, not only can I not pass as Asian, I’m plus sized. Score: Ed 2, Laura -2. That’s okay. I was undeterred. I approached another woman, who shook her head yes (jackpot!) and pulled it out of from a box under the cabinet. Apparently the jumbo sizes are stored away for special occasions. While Ed was quite pleased about being an XL, it didn’t do it for me. For the record, the top half (from the waist up) is too big, so apparently it’s just my hips and butt that are extra super big. The rest is just big. I had enough of this whole shopping for myself thing. My fragile ego can only take so much. I’m going back to the states for the rest of my shopping, where Banana Republic assures me that I’m a size small.

After four hours of torture, Mattix, Ed and I all had enough, so we headed back. During the walk, we bought more stuff of course. I also saw a few of the most horribly disfigured people I’ve seen so far. It’s very difficult to see that, and there’s enough individuals who are very unfortunate begging on the streets to remind us how incredibly privileged we are to live where we do and have the medical care that we have.

We were exhausted and really hot by the time we made it back to the hotel. Mattix, who still fights sleep as though it’s his mortal enemy, refused a nap even though he was exhausted. Mommy wanted a nap, but Mattix didn’t care! Ed decided he wanted to walk down to a few camera shops, and I agreed as long as he took Mattix. I needed just half an hour of quiet time to cool off and relax. This bird flu is kicking my butt.

We met our entire travel group for dinner, which was fun. We’re definitely here with a fun bunch of people who have similar senses of humor. We had intended to go to the Vietnamese House, but they were booked. Then we thought we might try a restaurant across the street, but one couple went over there and returned saying not so much, as the broken glass all over the floor (really) was not too child friendly. So, in our usual fashion, we ended up at the Rooftop again. Mattix was exhausted because of his new no-napping, no-sleeping-at-night policy, so he alternated between slap happy and fussy. At one point, he was banging away on the table with Khai (travel mate’s son), when he knocked over my entire vodka tonic. Ooooohhhh, Little Man has a lot to learn, such as never mess with mommy’s vodka. And don’t tell me he doesn’t appreciate air conditioning. It doesn’t take long. He was very, very fussy, so Ed walked him into an air conditioned room across the way, where he stopped fussing and started giggling.

We leave for Hanoi tomorrow (Sunday). I’m a little disappointed to leave Saigon. I love it here. It’s hot and humid, but it’s an amazing city with really neat people and incredible food. Ed and I stood outside on our little deck tonight, watching the ridiculous amount of traffic and people. The lights are so bright and the horns are so noisy; it’s a crazy sight. I took some video of it because it’s hard to believe unless you see it. The Christmas music from the Tax market is super loud, but I love it. If you could only see the amount of people gathered on the sidewalk in front of the Tax, you would think it was Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, except that there’s no parade. There’s just some Christmas decorations and music. I would like to stay here for at least a few more days, but apparently Mattix’s Visa takes priority.

Wish us luck on our flight. Hopefully Mattix will do well. He doesn’t sit still and he hates to be confined, so we’ll see!

A few more cute things about Mattix:
- He growls. Really, he actually growls. It sounds like something our dog Gidget does when she’s annoyed. I still can’t tell whether he does it when he’s irritated, or whether he just does it because he wants to.
- He’s really starting to teeth. He’s taken to chewing on his little fingers and drooling a lot. I think it’s making him fussy.
- When we hold our arms out to him, he reaches for us (finally) and when he’s really upset, he allows us to hold him for just a few minutes to comfort him.
- He makes a lot of eye contact with Ed and I and is really starting to smile back at us.
- When he cries, there are still no tears. Our travel mates’ son does the same thing, so we’re thinking it has something to do with institutionalization and not having their needs met. I’ll have to ask the doctor if that will ever change.
- He’s getting comfortable enough to throw fits! He arches his back and cries when we do something that displeases him, such as changing his diaper or clothes. Actually, he likes you to take them off, but not to put them back on.
- He sometimes crawls on all fours (hands and legs straight, with his little but straight up in the air). I think he’s trying to walk. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t have it down in two months or so.
- He’s really solid and not at all underweight, but the bottom half of him is so tiny. For footsie jammies, 9 months fit really well. In onesies and tops, 6-9 months fit, but in bottoms, he needs 3-6 months. He has a tiny little hiney. Obviously doesn’t take after his American mom in that department

December 16 – to Hanoi We Go!

Well, Mattix got the day going like always: early and poopy. We flew to Hanoi this afternoon, so we had to get up this morning and start packing. YUCK. You should have seen our hotel room. I forgot to ask Ed to take a picture, but it’s probably a good thing because seeing it again would cause me to have severe PTSD. I took one look at all the stuff and curled up in the fetal position. We brought two huge duffle bags of clothes and toys to donate to the orphanage. We kept one empty duffle bag in which to bring all of our purchases home and left the other with the orphanage. We should have kept the second duffle bag as well, because I was certain that there was NO way we were getting everything into the bags we had. However, Ed was able to use the expansion “function” on our small carryon piece of luggage and stuff more things in there than I thought humanly possible to check with the big bags. The problem we had was that after we finished packing, each of the two huge bags weighed 80 pounds, and I’ve heard that if a single bag weighs more than 70 pounds, they won’t take it at all. Furthermore, the weight limit on domestic flights in VN is 20 kg per person, which is about 44 pounds. That’s per PERSON, not per piece of luggage. Mattix counted, as we had to buy him a ticket. But puh-leeze. Forty four pounds per person? Give me a break! More on that later.

So, back to Little Man. He woke us up bright an early, although not as early as usual. Today’s wakeup call came at 6:00 a.m. Once again, the night was a nightmare for all of us. He slept well for maybe two hours, then the screaming, crying, and tossing and turning began. Poor little guy has the hardest time with sleep. Poor mom and dad also have the hardest time with sleep now. I may have to admit to taking two NyQuil to help with the Bird Flu. I NEVER take any sort of cold medication, so I suspect I slept better than Ed, who was on solo duty for half the night. I wouldn’t have taken it because I don’t take over the counter cold/allergy medications, but the Bird Flu is progressing and I was worried that it might turn into something worse. This morning I lived super dangerously and took two DayQuil. I’ve never taken DayQuil before, and I assure I won’t ever take it again. I felt like I was on crack all day, although I’m only guessing what it feels like to be on crack. If it’s anything like this, I’m glad I always said no (not that I was ever offered drugs because I’m just that cool and always have been).

Little Guy was good and active while we worked on packing. We put his stacking cups on the floor and let him crawl around and play with them. He also likes to stand up in front of the mirror and bang on it, smile, and giggle. (We all suspect that the kids have never really had any time in front of a mirror, because the first few times he saw his reflection, he was in absolute awe. He’s still quite font of the mirror.) Mattix was playing with his stacking cups, as well as his reflection in the mirror, or so we thought.

The orphanage may want him back (not in a million years would that happen!), because we were busy packing when we heard a horribly loud thud, followed by screaming. Mattix had hit his head on the chair while he was trying to stand. It sounded HORRIBLE and, as it turns out, it must have felt worse. Within two minutes, a giant goose egg had formed on his poor little forehead. I almost threw up I was so upset. I was far more upset than he was. The sad thing is that these kids are tough. Way too tough. He cried for maybe 60 seconds, then just stopped and wanted to be put down, as though nothing had happened. I was sure he was going to have a concussion because of how hard he hit, so I of course called my mom. She said he would probably be fine, but I was still very worried. I gave him some baby Tylenol because even though he wasn’t crying about it, I knew he must have had a huge headache. I guess Ed and I get the crappy parenting of the year award for that one. (By the way, the goose egg went down by about 50% and turned a lovely shade of black and blue.)

So, after the fall, I stopped packing and sat on the floor with Mattix while Ed packed more. I thought this was a much better arrangement, as we didn’t want him to break any bones and I was not doing well with the packing thing anyway. However, I changed my mind when I smelled that familiar horrible stench. Mattix crawled over to me to show me the lovely brown hue that the entire back of his footsie jammies had taken on. Seriously. If I can offer one bit of advice to adoptive parents, it’s this: pack a bag full of quality American diapers. I don’t care how much room they take up. Bring an extra suitcase if necessary. Leave your toiletries and clothes at home if that’s what it takes. Just bring diapers. Now I know why they don’t often bother with disposables at the orphanage. They end up sharding their clothes anyway, so why mess with the middle man (the diaper)? We’ve had a blow out every time he goes poo, except for the times when Ed takes the diaper off mid- or pre-poo, which, although Ed complains about it, seems like a much better plan because at least Mattix’s clothes aren’t covered in poo.

Anyway, I stripped off the footsie jammies and put Mattix in the tub. (RIP Carter’s Footsie Jammies with the airplanes. We loved you the one time Mattix wore you and he sure looked cute in you, but you’re off to bigger and better places – the trash can. No time to get the laundry back from the Rex and you can bet your butt we weren’t going to bag those bad boys up and take ‘em. Wasteful Americans.) Mattix is getting used to the bath-after-the-poo routine, because he doesn’t complain a bit. He just sits there while I hose him off. I wouldn’t complain, either, because I’d much rather have the poo hosed off than sit on my hiney, back, legs, and arms (yup, it spreads quickly).

After the bath, we were trying to figure out what Mattix was fussing about when we realized that we had not fed him breakfast. Strike Two (one was the bump on the head). Up to the breakfast room we went. I am going to miss this food. We have our routine down, so all three of us ate quickly. We were just getting good at it, and now we have to leave.

After breakfast, we met in the lobby and eventually left for the airport. Yeah, the airport was fun. We were worried about missing our flight because we cut it pretty close. Once we were at the check in counter, we learned that our total baggage overage was about 50 kg. We knew we would just have to pay for the overage and we couldn’t have cared less, but we weren’t so thrilled when we learned we had to leave the check in counter (after waiting in line for 20+ minutes), walk back around, and get in another line to pay. Once there, we were told it was going to be $750 American dollars. Okay, seriously. I didn’t mind paying, but $750 in baggage when the tickets cost $100 each? Then the woman realized she hadn’t converted properly and it was actually $75. Much better. We paid more than that for our bags on the domestic leg of our flight here (domestic flights in the states only allow 50 pounds, international 70), so that was a bargain. Anyway, we made it back to the counter, where a few people who probably didn’t realize we had already checked in there were quite unhappy with our “cutting” to the point that they felt it necessary to shove their cart full of luggage into my legs just to show me what was up. Yeah, ‘cause that’s a good idea. Knock over the lady with the baby. Little did they know that my big American ass is hard to knock over. We got our tickets and our passports back and headed for the gate.

Security was an interesting experience. Not quite like in the states. I’ll write more about that when I’m home. Once through security, Kathy told us that our flight was delayed by half an hour and we were relieved. Boarding flights here is certainly interesting. By interesting I mean a bit of a mess. There’s no order. When they announce that the plane will begin boarding, everyone just pushes to the counter and forms a pseudo-line. (Pseudo because if you wish for your place in line to be closer to the front, you just make it that. And by “you” I mean everyone else besides us.) And if you think you might get to pre-board because you have kids, think again! All this time, Mattix was a trooper in his stroller, just hanging out with his bottle, looking around. I really wanted to beg the airlines to let me leave him in his stroller for the flight, but I knew it was futile. I reluctantly handed it over right before we boarded and prepared for the storm.

I about started my own storm when I found out that I was on the far right side of the middle section, and Ed was in the middle seat of the left section (about three seats and one isle away). Not so much. We sort of remedied the problem when we switched one of our tickets with a travel mate’s, who was also separated from her spouse. That put them together, and left one seat in between Ed and me. Ed just took the middle seat. We figured that anyone who would actually insist on keeping their own seat in between the parents of a screaming infant would not be stable enough to be let on the flight anyway. We were correct. The woman gladly indicated to Ed that she would take the isle seat. Smart, smart woman.

They give you a silly lap belt to attach to your belt so that the baby is restrained. This part did not please Mattix at all, nor did it please us. Really, all that it would serve to do in an accident is allow the baby to be crushed by the parent’s body weight, or in the alternative, as one of our travel mates suggested, keep the baby strapped to your burning body. We were allowed to remove it during takeoff and never had to put it on during landing. Mattix was a champ, really, based on what we had expected. The hour and forty five minutes was definitely long for him (for the love of God, someone tell me how we’re going to make it home), but he never broke out into a full-on screaming fit. He drank his bottle for about 75% of takeoff and another 75% of landing to clear his ears, and only cried and whimpered for about 15 minutes total (but no intense screaming). At one point, we broke out the emergency teething biscuits, which kept him happy for almost 30 minutes. Said biscuits probably did not please the flight crew quite as much as they did Mattix, as the chair and floor (in addition to Ed) were covered in teething biscuit slop. Oh well. I made an executive decision; it’s easier for the flight crew to clean up teething biscuit slop than it is to listen to a screaming baby and/or complaining passengers.

We landed at the Hanoi airport and deplaned onto the tarmac, where we loaded into busses. We were all set for a long ride. Imagine our surprise when the bus literally stopped 20 seconds later. They drove us maybe the length of a quarter of a football field. It was a lot more trouble to get on and off the bus than it would have been to walk. I’m sure it was some sort of security measure, but I’m still slightly confused about that one. Our luggage came out (everyone’s made it!) and the guys loaded it onto the world’s smallest luggage carts. This is important because what happened in the parking lot was hilarious. It might not have been so funny if we weren’t all shot and exhausted, but we were, and so it was very funny. More on that in a minute. In Hanoi, they apparently check all of your bags with your claim tickets. If you have lost your claim tickets, you have to tell them what’s in your bag. They proceed to open it up and check the contents against your verbal list. Apparently, this isn’t like home, where you can take your bags and whomever the hell else’s bags you want and nobody notices or cares, because they never check bags at home. Claim tickets at home are only good for toilet paper or if (I mean when) they loose your luggage. The line was long and apparently, it’s a free for all. I realized that if I didn’t get aggressive like everyone else, we were never going to get out of there. I stopped letting everyone push in front of me and stood my ground with little Mattix in his stroller. Even that cheap little stroller can serve as a weapon when needed. The woman who nearly knocked Mattix out with her should bag while shoving in front of us learned that the hard way. I’m pretty sure the bruises on her heels will remind her of that for a few days. It turns out the guy behind me wasn’t so thrilled with my stance (I wouldn’t let him past me), as he proceeded to shove his cart FULL of heavy luggage into the back of my legs multiple times. (I have war wounds. Really, the back of my legs are bruised.) At some point, I was certain I was going to end up in Vietnamese jail because I was going to turn around and beat the crap out of him. I sized him up and determined that he maybe weighed a buck ten soaking wet. I had him by a solid 20 pounds and three inches. Plus, Ed always says that in a fight, crazy accounts for about 50%. Well, there was plenty of crazy on my side. I was dying of some mystery illness, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and done. I gave him one good warning donkey kick to the cart, which knocked him back a few inches, and that ended it. Good thing, ‘cause I’m not messing around. I was ready to rumble. I can see the headlines… “Big American woman lands in jail after fistfight with small local citizen.”

Back to the funny part. First, Ed lost every one of our bags on the way down the ramp to cross the street. All four big bags and two small bags went flying out into the street and into airport traffic. I started laughing so hard I couldn’t see straight. We were all scrambling to help him get it back on when Matt (another travel mate) did the same thing on the other side of the street with his cartful of luggage. So we all helped him. I think you had to be there but it was really funny. Hopefully none of our many fragile, breakable purchases shattered.

La (CHI staff) went and hired a bus driver to take us to the hotel. Bless La, because this was a full sized, air conditioned bus. The drive from the airport to the hotel is one hour, so I was worried about Mattix. He’s not keen on holding still during car rides. However, the bus had huge windows and he was quite pleased. He just sat in my lap for the first 40 minutes, staring out the window in awe, taking everything in, occasionally letting out an excited giggle or squeal. Furthermore, even better, the back of the seat in front of us had a handle on it, so he could stand in my lap, hold the seat handle, bounce up and down, and look out the window all at once. He was in heaven. Mattix is such an inquisitive, interested little guy. He loves to watch what’s going on and take it all in. I would love to know what goes on in his little (goose-egged) head. He just seems like he’s thinking about it all. His eyes follow whatever he’s watching and he has a very serious look on his face. When he does this, he seems like an adult, not a baby (not to worry – he reminds me of his baby status at naptime and bedtime and diaper blowout time). I think that in order to avoid the problem I see coming with strapping Mattix into a car seat in the Tahoe, I’m going to just trade it in for a bus with huge windows and no seatbelts. That should work for him. Who cares what state law and has to say about it. Safety? No worries.

About 20 minutes before we got to the hotel, he passed out in my lap. This was the very first time he’s ever fallen asleep in my arms so calmly. I’m sure it’s because he was just that exhausted, but it’s great nonetheless. Of course, he woke up before we even got upstairs to our hotel room, but still, baby steps. This hotel (Hanoi Hotel) is nicer by western standards than the Rex, but in the short time we’ve been here, it’s apparent that we like the Rex much, much better. The Rex is much more authentic Vietnam, with great service and very friendly people. Here, the rooms are nicer by western standards, but something’s definitely missing. Our room is on the 12th floor and overlooks the Hanoi “Lake.” It has a bedroom with a full bath and a sitting room with a half bath. It actually has a real couch and chair (the two wooden chairs at the Rex were so uncomfortable that I spent all my time on the floor or bed), but I’m still not that into it here.

The weather in Hanoi is much cooler and less humid. I’m not good at judging temperatures, but it’s definitely cooler than and not as humid as Saigon. The traffic is horrible! I thought Saigon was crazy, but compared to Hanoi, it’s nothing. There’s more traffic here and even worse, they drive faster. I didn’t think it could possibly be any scarier to cross a street than it was in Hanoi, but I was wrong. I’m not sure that I’ll be crossing any streets here.

I know I said that I wouldn’t be ready to leave after just under two weeks, but I’m prepared to take that back. Today’s traveling made me ready to go home. If we could have just stayed in Saigon for another week, I’d be singing another song, but the packing, airports, plane ride, and pushiness tested my limits. Plus, Mattix’s face is covered in scabies, he’s teething, and his cold all seem to be worse. I just want to get him home and to the pediatrician. Medical care here, even at the international clinic, leaves something to be desired.

Mattix was, as usual, a little doll at bedtime. He gets so adorably giggly, playful, and sweet. I swear it’s his way of stalling. He knows how damn cute he is and how much it makes me want to roll around the bed with him, tossing him around, giggling, and making silly faces and noises. The boy plays rough. The more you throw him up and down, the better. He loves it when I lay on my back and hold him up over me, push him up and down, up and down. He’s like a human dumbbell, which is good, being that I haven’t set foot in a gym in well over two weeks. (At this point, my body has digested all of my lean muscle mass and it’s looking like a total loss.) He’s a little ball of giggling energy at bed time and in the morning, and I love it. What a great way to end and start each day. (It’s the part in between that we need to work on.)

And that’s all for today. Tomorrow we have our embassy interview so that we can get Mattix a Visa and then the water puppet show. I’m slightly skeptical about this water puppet show. What ten month old sits still and remains quiet for an hour long show? Wish us luck with that one.

December 17 and 18 – Monday and Tuesday in Hanoi

Note: I’m posting Monday and Tuesday together. The internet connection here is garbage; it took me nearly five hours to get Sunday’s post and photos to upload this morning (which was Tuesday morning) after trying for hours on both Sunday night and Monday morning. (I type the posts in Word documents here and there when I have any free time and put each set of photos into an individual folder so that when I have a chance, I can upload quickly. We haven’t been so lucky with the internet since we got to Hanoi, though, and it’s frustrating me!) I’m hoping that I can get both posts and a set of photos to upload together. If I’m only able to get the post to load, I’ll do my best to upload the photos tomorrow at the airport (either VN, Hong Kong, or LAX) if I have a chance. We have some cute photos of Mattix to share!

 

 

This morning sucked. I think we had a day last week that sucked. Well, this morning did, too. Mattix woke up tired (imagine that – none of us slept all night), cranky, teething, and with his little adorable face covered in scabies ouchies. Strike Three. I really dropped the ball when I applied the scabies medication the other day. I covered his body in it, but was super ultra conservative with his face because I was paranoid about it. That was stupid, stupid, stupid, because all the scabies have done is simply close up shop on his body, relocate to the untreated area (his face) and go to town. His face is a wreck. I made an executive decision to reapply the medication just to his face. Because I barely put any on his face the other day, I was 99% certain it would do far more good than harm to treat his face. I was correct, because by the end of the day, although his face is still all scabby and itchy, it’s very apparent the evil buggers have all but died off. With scabies bumps, it’s very apparent when the scabies are alive and active vs. dead (leaving just the scabbed over bump behind). By the end of the day, we could all (our travel group) see the big improvement. I can’t wait for the horrible itchy bumps to go away, though, because they just look so uncomfortable. I know that will take a few weeks, but at least all the scabies should finally be dead. 

The rest of the morning was crappy because Mattix is teething. When you add that to his extreme sleepiness, he was quite the pistol this morning. Nothing was making him happy. I gave him some baby Tylenol and rubbed Ambesol into his gums, hoping to give him a little relief. He was very fussy and cranky. By the time we made it down to the breakfast buffet, we nearly missed it. And for the record, the breakfast buffet here pales in comparison to that at the Rex. The food is not at all traditional Vietnamese (the Rex had lots of good choices) and it’s icky. In fact, even if you don’t compare it to the Rex, it’s a huge letdown. I guess it’s kind of what you’d expect from any buffet (garbage). The Rex was very unexpected in a great way. (Does anyone want to tell me how much time I spend discussing food? It’s no wonder I’m a “big American.”) Ed held Mattix while I shoved my food around my plate (as opposed to the usual shoveling of it down my gullet). We had already fed him baby food this morning when we woke up, so Ed gave him a bottle of apple juice (which I’m going to have to start cutting with water, because he looovveeesss it so much he can drink 10 ounces within a few hours). Poor little guy was so miserable he fell asleep sitting straight up with the bottle in his mouth. Sensing a wonderful opportunity for a nap, we immediately got up and went upstairs, hoping he’d stay asleep. Well, he did…long enough for Ed to put him in his crib and sneak out of here. We haven’t put him in a crib since he joined us last week because I feel adverse to them, given the fact that’s he spent 23 hours a day in a nasty metal crib for almost ten months. The idea of a crib for sleeping really bothers me (this is just my issue). However, because I wasn’t going to lay down with him today and I planned to be in the other room, I didn’t want to leave him on the bed alone and leave the room. He throws himself around the bed so violently that I worry. We usually block him in with pillows just to be safe, but this new bed is much smaller and therefore concerns me. So, Ed carefully laid him down in the crib and we snuck out and shut the door. Ed then went downstairs to get some paperwork done while I was supposed to hang out, relax, and let Mattix sleep.

Right as Ed walked out the door, I heard Mattix let out a cry. He does that often during his sleep, so I held still and prayed it would be short one and he would pass back out. He got quiet quickly, so I assumed that he had never fully woken up. However, five minutes later, I just knew I could hear something in there, so I opened the door. My heart broke. He had woken up and was sitting in his crib, staring longingly through the slats, with a blank look on his face. Even as I approached the crib talking to him, he just stared straight ahead, quiet. I reached into the crib and waited for him to hold his arms out to me (we’re doing this so he learns to reach for us when he needs us). He did, so I scooped him up and nearly cried for him. Once he was out, he lit back up and started smiling at me and giggling. I’m pretty sure that’s the end of the crib situation for a while. Good thing we bought him a beautiful, expensive crib and bedroom set!

We hung out for a few hours and played. Guess what happened next? We had our usual morning diaper blow out. I’m beginning to suspect that Ed knows when to anticipate these, because he wasn’t here to help when it happened (I’m no longer buying into the “I have to get some work done” excuse). This one was sort of expected. Here’s the story. He was on the floor playing with his new toy (an empty plastic garbage can with the plastic liner removed – yeah, we really spoil our kid). I thought his diaper might be wet, so I set him on the bed and removed it. I was in the middle of changing his soaking wet diaper when he dropped one tiny (but horrifyingly stinky) little treat just before I pulled the diaper away. Unlike Ed, I’m not tryin’ to hang around and see how much I can catch, so I quickly stuck the new one on, left his pants off, and set him on the floor to do his thing. I literally sat there and watched him go to town. He’s a grunter for sure. He twists his little face up and grunts like nobody’s business. (These are the kinds of stories I know he’ll want his future girlfriends to hear/read) After each “deposit,” he smiled and giggled, all pleased with himself. He did this for about ten minutes. I gave him an extra two or three just to be sure he’d wrapped it up, because I was not going down Ed-style. Right as I was ready to scoop him up and change his diaper, he threw himself backwards in one of his famous back-arching fits, thereby smearing the mess up the back of and out the top of his cheap garbage crap diaper, all over his back and shirt. I seriously thought I’d hit the jackpot as far as “neat” and to the point, but nooooo, of course not. So, I’m trying to hold him up with one hand, get the diaper off with the other, pull his poopy shirt off, not pass out (because this was the motherload of all stinkfests) and wipe him down with baby wipes all at the same time. Thirty seconds into cleanup duty, Ed walked in. Thank goodness. Double points for Ed. Not only did he get back just in time, but he was carrying a “Coca Cola Light” (VN Diet Coke) for me. We got Mattix cleaned up and redressed and all was well. (And I enjoyed my Coca Cola Light). Mattix returned to his toys: stacking cups and the hotel’s plastic garbage can. (Note to family: if you bought Mattix any real toys for Christmas, take them back immediately. Just go to Target and buy a brightly colored small plastic garbage can. This thing is like gold, and it’s just a boring solid white hotel version. He pushes it all over the room, bangs on it, and has more fun than imaginable. If you pick it up and toss it five feet in front of him (yes, Ed was doing that, and no, I’m not too impressed), he takes off after it, giggling and smiling. I can’t decide if this is cute or heartbreaking because he’s probably never had any real toys. Either way, we’re having a heck of a time getting him to play with any of the real toys that we brought for him other than those stacking cups. Maybe we’ll have better luck once we’re home.)

Oh, before I forget, the best thing ever happened today. Mattix crawled over to me (which he often does), sat at my feet and actually reached his arms up to me for the first time because he wanted to be picked up. He made an irritated squeaking noise, which is his signature “I want something now” sound. Ed and I were thrilled. He’s learning that someone will indeed respond to him when he makes a request. This is great progress. I can’t remember if I mentioned it yet, but I talked with Thuy the other night. I asked her whether the children are slower at language acquisition because although Mattix is young, he’s only heard Vietnamese for the past ten months. I figured that it will take him longer a bit longer to learn to speak because it’s like we’re starting over. Not only did she say that yes, he would most likely start talking a little behind the “normal” schedule, but that even if we spoke Vietnamese, he would probably be slower to learn to talk because the nannies don’t talk to the kids much except briefly during feeding times and play time. I guess they’re just that busy or short staffed. Furthermore, I asked her if he spent most of his time in his crib (b/c of his flat head) and she said that yes, most of his time was spent in a crib. So the whole point of this information is to confirm what Ed and I thought last week. Mattix really didn’t know how to be held and it’s very unnatural for him. Many babies seem to pick it up quickly and just go with it, but Mattix is not so “natural” with the holding thing. However, we’re making a little bit of progress each day and today was a really, really big step.

After more playtime, we headed downstairs to meet the group and go to the United States Embassy for our exit interviews. This may come as a shock, but our government operates the same here as it does in the states: slow and late. We sat in a totally empty room (other than our group’s three families) until someone finally came out and brought the first family in 45 minutes after our appointment time. It’s strange. We entered a small room, where the woman interviewing us (who was very nice) is behind some very thick glass. The good news is that the appointment is quick and easy because the legwork is done before we even get to Vietnam under the new I600 process. I asked the interviewer how she felt about the new procedure. She said that we were her very first “new” Visa interviews, but she thought it would work much, much better.

She only asked us a few questions about whether we were able to spend any time at Mattix’s orphanage, how many babies were there, and the age of the babies. We answered honestly, of course. I know that the reason she asked this was because in the past, rumor has it that a few other agencies were referring out of orphanages with rooms full of healthy, young, female infants. These are the children that Americans seem to want to adopt the most, so it is highly suspect when an orphanage is filled with “in demand” babies, most of similar age and sex. Fortunately, Ed and I had absolutely no concerns when we visited Kien Giang (as far as anything inappropriate with referrals; quality of care is an entirely separate issue that I’m not prepared to deal with right now). His baby room had about eight or so infants of varying ages and sexes and with different physical abilities. Only one of the babies was very young.

After the embassy appointments, we caught cabs to the Water Puppet show. I’m sure the water puppet show is neat and all, but not so much for a ten month old who doesn’t care to sit still. We arrived early, so we walked across the street (I was certain we were going to die, as the traffic here is much worse than in Saigon and they drive so much faster) to another “lake” for some sightseeing and photos. “Lakes” in Vietnam are very different than lakes in the states. It was certainly fairly large, but I believe it’s cemented. I’m not sure we would call it a lake. On a good day, it kind of reminds me of the huge pond at Encanto Park where you go for paddle boat rides (if you’re middle name is “Danger” and you wish to catch a strange, incurable, water-borne disease). On any other day, as our travel mate Karen said, it looks and smells like a wastewater treatment facility. Anyway, Mattix finally conked out. He was so tired and I was so happy. I was praying he’d stay asleep during the Puppet Show, but no such luck. They allowed me to carry his stroller up to the back row so he could sleep in it during the show. He was out like a light, but unfortunately, one of our travel mates sat down on the step in front of him and accidentally gave him a good jar, which ended the very brief nap all too soon. I jumped up and took my crying baby out into the lobby. He was so overtired, he alternated between smiling and giggling and whining. Ed was kind enough to come out about 20 minutes later so I could go back and watch a bit. The water puppet show is definitely neat and the music is pretty, but I think it’s something he’d like in about five years. We didn’t make the whole show because one couple wasn’t feeling well. Oh well. Maybe on the next trip.

One other dad, his mother-in-law, their newly adopted adorable daughter, La (CHI staff), Ed, Mattix, and I went to dinner at the hotel’s restaurant, which serves Chinese food. The food was good and the service was incredible. Even better, they brought out a high chair with an actual real strap to hold the baby in. So far, any restaurant that offered a “high chair” offered just that: a high chair. A narrow, tall version of a chair – totally open in the front, no strap, no tray, nothin’. Each time I was puzzled because I would wonder if other 10 month old Vietnamese babies really stay in those chairs. I’d be shocked. Anyway, we strapped Mattix in and much to our surprise (and delight), he was happy. We cleared away all of the glass items on the table (there were a ton), put some of his toys (stacking cups) out, scooted him really close to the table, and he went to town. He kept dropping his stacking cups, and each time one of the women would stop and pick it up before I even had a chance to grab it. By the tenth time, I was starting to feel bad, so I put the cups away and gave him a magic biscuit. I was a little nervous about the mess, but I was so excited to have him sit still at the table that I decided it was worth it. He had a great time with the biscuits, only throwing them on the floor four or five times (we observe a five second rule in our family now). We ordered apple juice for him, which was fresh squeezed and delicious. Lucky I’m a nice mom, or I would have kept it for myself. I put it in his bottle and that really pleased him. Our dinner came and he was still good to go through most of it. In fact, Ed and I only had to take one turn each, walking him around for five or ten minutes. It was like magic! I’m think he might do better than expected in a high chair once we’re home.

Dinner was not bad, but I was let down that I was eating Chinese food! I love real Vietnamese food so much and I’ve been very disappointed that the food here in northern Vietnam seems so different than in southern Vietnam. When we were in KG and Saigon, I looked forward to eating. Here, it’s just sort of a chore. We did, however, have a really nice time with the Rankeys and La. We laughed a lot and enjoyed their company. It was the first dinner where neither Ed nor I were either holding a baby in our laps or doing laps around the restaurant with a baby in our arms. We were able to eat at the same time with two free hands each, and we weren’t scrambling to stuff our food down so the other could have a turn. Mattix sat between us and was such a sweetheart. He laughed and smiled a lot; I think he’s become comfortable enough with our travel group to behave more like himself when he’s around them. Too bad everyone else is leaving tomorrow!

We came back to the room and Ed volunteered to take on bedtime duty before he started working. Lest he think I’m slow, I know his eager beaver attitude was a result of his after-hours plans. The three guys in our travel group were meeting in the bar downstairs much later tonight for drinks. I was perfectly fine with him leaving for a while, but I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t glad that he felt obligated to take on bedtime duty tonight! It’s difficult to put Mattix to sleep. Not difficult as in I-don’t-want-to-do-it-because-it’s-a-chore, but rather it is emotionally difficult for me. I’m having a really hard time accepting how tough his life must have been; the absolute trauma he experiences when he tries to sleep is gut wrenching. I know some biological kids have trouble falling asleep, but I don’t believe that this is at all a common issue with non-institutionalized kids. You’d have to see it to really understand how distressing it is for him.

And that’s where I’m at now. I’m typing next to Mattix so that I can give him his bottle and rub his back each time he wakes up crying. I’m waiting for Ed to return because my insulin pump malfunctioned earlier (it didn’t start back up after I changed out an infusion set) and my blood sugar is now 400. Certainly not the end of the world and nothing to complain about, but it’s taking a toll because my blood sugars have been so wonderfully in-line during 90% of our trip. Highs like this are far more impacting when the averages are so great! I took a ton of insulin, so I’m also a little worried that I’ll crash and I certainly don’t want to do that in my sleep, especially when a baby that doesn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time is depending on me. We’re obviously going to be tired in the morning, but probably no more tired than we would have been if we’d been in bed around midnight anyway.

Tomorrow morning La is taking us on a mini-tour around town. Ed offered to take Mattix and let me hang around here if I’m not feeling up to it. Although I want to see a few more sights in Hanoi, I might just take him up on that offer, as the lack of sleep is getting to me. I doubt I’ll be able to go back to sleep at 9:00 after having been up for three or four hours, but it might be nice to have two hours of down time all alone! Tomorrow is our last full day, so I’ll try to get one more journal entry in before we leave. I’m really starting to miss home and can’t wait to see everyone (and my own bed) again.

December 18

 
Long day. Where to start? I think I’ll jump to the end of the day and share my massage experience just to get things going. So, at about 5:00 this evening, we were downstairs in the hotel lobby waiting to finalize our departure time tomorrow with La as well as make sure that Mattix’s Visa came in (one other family that was supposed to leave tonight couldn’t because their child’s Visa wasn’t ready). While we were hanging around the lobby, Ed was walking Mattix around and noticed the sign for the spa. He went to check things out and returned to tell me that I should definitely have a massage tonight, as a 45 minute massage was only $22. I love massages, so I was certainly game. He said he’d take Mattix to the bar area (yeah, that’s the kind of parents we are) and feed him dinner while he (Ed) had a beer. If he finished before me, he said he’d meet me upstairs. Sounded good. Who doesn’t want a massage? 

 And this is when it got interesting. A man walked me upstairs and into a room with two tables and told me to wait (I think). So I waited. And five minutes later, in walked a really tiny, really attractive young Vietnamese woman who said, “You take off clothes.” “Okay,” I said, looking around for the sheet. I couldn’t find one, so I was a little perplexed, but figured I’d just go with the flow. I stood there, patiently waiting for her to leave the room so I could undress and find this invisible sheet with which to cover myself. She looked at me and said sternly, “You undress!” I said, “Now?” and she said, “Yes!” So I motioned to my jeans and said, “Take them off?!” and she said, “Yes! OFF!” and continued to watch me. At this point, it became abundantly clear that I was going to have to strip in front of her. So off came the pants. Then I motioned to my shirt and once again said “Take it off, too?” and of course you know the answer, so off came the shirt. Now, at this point I’m standing there 98% naked when she pointed on my thong. Oh hell no. I said, “I’ll just go ahead and keep that.” I’m not sure she quite understood, but she became distracted by the canula in my stomach (where my insulin pump attaches). She pointed to it and asked, “What?” Try explaining that one with a huge language barrier! I picked up my insulin pump and showed her how it attaches, but I’m not sure that answered the question. Mind you I’m still standing there butt naked (save for a thong) in front of this 90 pound woman, feeling rather awkward. I started feeling strong regret over not bringing a pair of granny panties, but later became thankful that I hadn’t because I’m not sure I would have been able to keep those bad boys on. As it turns out, the butt must apparently be exposed.

She gave up on trying to figure out the pump situation, so she said, “Lie on table.” Oh great. I had to go face down, bare ass up, on the table. I’m trying to figure out how I can just die to avoid this whole situation when she says, “Where you from?” to which I responded “the United States.” She started to giggle. I was a little confused, so I waited a minute and then said, “America” at which point she said, “Really? You not huge and fat like all Americans. You skinny for American. Very good. That funny because most Americans big and fat.” Thanks, I think? I made a mental note to increase her tip from 20% to 40%. Finally, a Vietnamese woman who appreciates my 10 pound weight loss over the last two weeks (I’m nearly back to my pre-August adoption stress weight gain weight for Pete’s sake. It’s about time someone appreciates that, right?) She breaks out a bottle of baby oil (really, actual baby oil) and goes to town on the back end (I’m not making this up). As I lay there far more tense than I have been all week, I’m wondering if she’s still thinking I’m small for an American as she’s elbow deep in cellulite and stretch marks. However, her answer to my next question made things very clear. I figured since we were comfortable enough to chat about fat Americans, I would ask her how long she’s been doing massages. After rephrasing the question ten times (too bad Ed wasn’t there to translate because I’m sure he’s nearly fluent by now), she said, “Two years, but never woman. Always man. No woman.” And there I had it. Yeah, that’s right, compared to American men, I’m small. I made a mental note that a 40% tip was a bit high. Back to 20%.

Well, things just kept getting stranger. I’m used to massages at home where you’re covered with a sheet and the massage therapist only “exposes” the part s/he’s working on, then covers is up when s/he moves onto the next part. That’s not how it goes here. No need for a sheet. Sheets apparently just get in the way. I started realizing that this was actually worse than the dermatologist’s office, where I have the good ‘ol once over every three months so they can check for cancerous moles. I used to feel awkward standing there in shoes and nothing else, arms and legs spread out pat-down style, while the doctor goes over every inch of my naked body with his lighted glasses. In fact, the last time I had an appointment, I forgot about the process and wore heels because I’d just come from a lunch “date” with a few friends. I certainly wasn’t about to stand barefoot on that floor. I thought that nothing could be worse than standing in the dermatologist’s office in a thong and four inch heels, arms and legs spread eagle. To put things in context, that was starting to sound like fun by this point. I’m laying on this woman’s table while she massaged my butt (I’m not messing around here) with enough pressure to make me nauseous (that’s pretty serious, because there are plenty of layers to work through there), thinking about how I could just melt into the table, when I hear said table creak. It took me a few minutes before I realized that she too was up on the table. For the love of God, it does get worse. She’s now up on the table with me, squatted over the above-referenced naked butt, going to town on my back, arms and neck. I think I might have actually enjoyed the massage if I weren’t entirely mortified. But alas, it got worse. She then flipped around so she was facing my feet and started in on the legs. She was squatted over by back, her face only a foot from my naked butt, going after my legs. I was thinking, “How much longer?” when the table suddenly creaked a bit more. She was then standing up, draping a towel over my back (where the hell was this towel twenty minutes ago?). Before I knew what was happening, she was standing on my back. She walked up and down, from the top of my back to my ankles, for about five or six minutes, then hopped down, at which point she crossed one ankle over the other and suddenly bent my pretzeled legs up to my butt. Apparently this woman didn’t get the memo and was unaware of the fact that both of my knees have been surgically altered and put back together and therefore don’t bend so well. I was trying to tell her to stop while at the same time desperately trying not to lose consciousness when she did it again. I was fully seeing black floating stars when she grabbed both of my arms and pulled them behind my back, lifting my entire torso off the table, making my hands touch the back of my ankles. What the hell? I wasn’t aware that I was in some sort of combination S&M/forced yoga session. I’m surprised there were no spiked heels while she walked on my back. That happened two more times. I may or may not have full use of my arms for the next week. It’s too soon to tell and I don’t have the nerve to straighten them out entirely.

After the violent forced contortions, she demanded, “Over.” Fab-u-lous. ‘Cause laying ass up wasn’t bad enough. I somehow managed to flop my injured body over like a dying fish. Back up on the table she went, her tiny butt facing my head; she bent over (in her rather short skirt) and went after my legs and feet. Seriously. I’m not making any of this up. Thank goodness I was allowed to keep the towel, although she had folded it up into a tiny strip across my chest. Better than nothing. Ten minutes later, it was finally over. I need a massage when I get home to mitigate the results of this one.

I came back to the room and warned Ed, who was also considering having a massage around 7:00 (so he’d be back by 8:00). He said that because he knew what to expect (and therefore was prepared to tell her not do certain things), he was good to go. When he came back up to the room, he reported that he received an entirely acceptable massage. He was given a blanket (WHAT?), wore his boxers, and the only “different” part was the walking-on-the-back deal. I guess I learned my lesson. Apparently they don’t work on women here, and if you have the nerve to live dangerously, you will suffer the consequences. Either that, or Ed’s massage was “special” in more ways than mine was and he’s not telling me. At this point, I don’t care.

So back to the beginning of the day. Mattix broke out his 6:00 a.m. wake up call. While I would have preferred 7:00, I have to say that 6:00 beats 5:00! Once again, I woke up to a huge smile two inches from my face. Mattix is an absolute doll in the morning. I want to know where all of this happiness comes from, because I’m exhausted when we wake up. He’s getting about as much sleep as we are (negligible), so why is he so darn happy? I’m glad he’s happy, don’t get me wrong, because if not for that, I’d wake up really, really grumpy from lack of sleep. However, I just don’t get it. He’s all smiles and giggles, ready to tumble around and play with us. I feel like I’m going to vomit I’m so overtired, and yet he’s awake and happy. (I also had an extra long night because the Chinese food we had for dinner last night did me wrong. Really wrong. I’ve been here for nearly two weeks, have eaten at some places that our health department in the states would just burn to the ground because they’re so hopeless, and didn’t get sick once. Then we come to a nice, upscale Chinese restaurant and I spend my entire night regretting it. Go figure.) In Mattix’s usual fashion, once he was sure I was up, he went to work on Ed. Ed resisted quite a bit today, as he’s even more tired than I am b/c he’s working at night, so Mattix eventually gave up and rolled back over to play with me. He’s just so damn precious in the morning. He gives me his two-tooth grin and giggles up a storm.

I decided that I would just hang around the hotel room while Ed and Mattix went on the two hour sightseeing tour. I got up and helped Ed with the whole morning routine (someone tell me how adding one 18 pound child to your family results in a morning routine that takes three times as long as the old one). Ed’s gotten quite clever about these diaper blowouts, so after Mattix’s breakfast, Ed stripped him down to his diaper and set him on the floor in anticipation of the carnage. Two points for Ed, because half an hour later, the familiar stench filled the room and the contents of the diaper started to seep out in all directions. This time, we were able to catch him before he contaminated anything around the room. Very good strategy.

Ed and Mattix went on their tour and I just laid low. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fall asleep, but it was nice to have a few hours of quiet time. When they returned, I did everything humanly possible to get Mattix to sleep for a nap, but to no avail. We finally gave up and headed downstairs to catch a cab. We were going back to the downtown area to buy another suitcase because we didn’t want to deal with the possibility of any of our luggage exceeding 70 pounds. I’m too tired and stressed to handle that right now. Mattix is getting better and better at sitting fairly still in the car. He sat on my lap for half the short ride and stood up and looked out the window for the other. He’s just so interested in the world that it amazes me. He really, really wants to see what’s going on. We had the driver drop us off in front of the theater where the water puppet show takes place and we walked down towards the “mall.” I believe by Vietnamese standards, this is an upscale mall. To my friends at home: you would all die. That’s all I have to say about that. It’s so bizarre and strange to me. There will be a clothing department directly next to a shop that sells refrigerators, which is directly across the isle from a stand that sells irons, blow dryers, and iPods. It’s just so different. It was four floors, and Ed and I checked out each floor, hoping to find a restaurant. Little Mattix was just rolling right along in his stroller, hanging out and taking it all in. Apparently “malls” here don’t have food courts, so we found a Highlands Coffee. I ordered steamed rice with shrimp and a plate of my first American food since arriving in Vietnam. I’m not even going to lie; the French fries were damn good. We fed Mattix his lunch (for some reason, the Veal with tomatoes and carrots that he dined on just didn’t look as good as my fries). He started to get fussy, so I got up and rolled him around for a while until he fell asleep in his stroller. It seems like the only place he’ll sleep during the day is in his stroller. Looks like I’m going to be taking a lot of walks around the neighborhood in the near future. Mattix slept just long enough for Ed and me to finish eating; on the rare occasion that he falls asleep during the day, he seems to like the little catnaps.

We then headed back towards the theater so that we could find a piece of luggage. I can tell I’m ready to go home because happy, nice, American tourist Laura has left the building. I can no longer tolerate people pushing me, trying to sell me things I don’t want, telling me how to care for my baby, and pointing out the scabies rash on his face and alerting me to the fact that my son has a rash. (Really? Cause I didn’t notice. So many people here act as though we’re somehow total morons who don’t notice that our baby’s entire face is covered in scabs and bumps.) The same woman who made me put Mattix’ hood and socks on yesterday (then tried to sell our entire group gum) approached us again today. She made all of us uncomfortable yesterday, and today I was ready to snap, especially when she grabbed my arm. As if that wasn’t enough, another lady who tried to sell me some sort of food actually had the nerve to hoist her entire setup (a really long bamboo stick thing with a basket hung on each end) onto my shoulder. I firmly said, “No, no, no” and pushed it off of me. If Ed hadn’t been there, I think she would have been the recipient of a good old fashioned fat American style beat down.

I’m finding the north to be VERY different than the south, and I don’t think it’s because we’re nearing the end of our trip and I’m ready to leave. I would have easily stayed in Saigon for another week. It’s just very different here. The only thing I like better is the cooler weather, and I’d take the hot, sweltering heat in the south any day because the people there are much friendlier and it’s a much more enjoyable place. I loved every minute of our time in Saigon. Not so much here. I feel like we’re treated very differently, and not in a good way. Our entire group feels this way. Ed said he notices it, but it doesn’t bother him as much. In the south, lots of people gave us “advice,” but it was done in a much more caring, friendly way. People smiled and were more polite. I also enjoyed the city itself more. Although I thought the traffic was out of control, I really had no idea what out of control was until we arrived here. (The pollution here is also worse.) Maybe if we had time to see more, such as Ha Long Bay and some of the rural areas, I’d feel differently. When we return to Vietnam in the future (hopefully sooner rather than later), I think we’ll start up here for a few days and make a point to visit some of the areas outside of the city that we didn’t have time to see this trip. However, I know that I absolutely loved my time in the south and there’s plenty we didn’t experience that we’ll want to do in the future. Plus, Mattix is from the south, so I’m sure I’m biased.

Anyway, I got off track. We found a suitcase, and let me tell you about my name brand bargain. I’m now the proud owner of a 480,000 Dong ($30) Polo Wang suitcase. Yes, that’s right. Polo Wang. Apparently, Vera Wang and Polo Ralph Laruen got together and had a baby in the form of a very strange piece of cheap luggage. We were assured that we were getting a bargain because of the name brand and high quality. I’m going to be shocked if this thing makes it in one piece. All that matters is that it doesn’t open and spill the contents. It can lose both wheels and the handle for all I care.

We caught a cab back to our hotel and were apparently taken on the scenic route, because the cab ride home cost five times as much as the one that got us there and traffic wasn’t any worse than it was a few hours prior. Mattix was good and tired, but he’s a champ. At least one of us enjoyed the cab ride. We got back to the hotel, dropped off our new piece of name brand luggage, and put Mattix back in the stroller and walked around a bit. We walked down a few side streets that reminded me of really run down areas of Mexico.

When we came back to our hotel lobby, the other members of our travel group were a bit distressed. They were supposed to leave tonight but apparently they were having some issues with the children’s’ Visas. As it turns out, only one couple made their flight (barely) and the other will have to leave tomorrow evening. Mattix’s Visa came back just fine, so we’re leaving in the morning as scheduled. I’m a little worried, because I heard from another travel mate that La won’t be accompanying us to the airport because she’s apparently going to stay behind to work on their Visa. I’m not entirely excited about that, but I know everything will work out and we’ll be on our way home.

And there you have it. The massage incident happened next. When I got back, Ed had pretty much packed everything up. He’s now wrapping up a few work-related things and I’m going to finish up so we can both get some sleep before our little human alarm clock goes off in the morning. In his defense, we actually have to get up that early tomorrow!

Overall, this entire trip has been an incredible experience, both because of the obvious reason (we adopted our son) and because Vietnam is an amazing country. Like I said, I have not completely loved my time in the north, but perhaps I didn’t experience enough to really appreciate the good parts. Ed said he enjoyed his time here. We both truly loved everything about our time in KG and Saigon. This has been the most amazing two weeks of our lives.

Ed and I both love Mattix so much, it’s unbelievable. I thought I was really going to suck at this parenting thing because up until ten days ago, I had no parenting instincts whatsoever. In the very beginning of this adoption process, I thought that maybe I just needed a few more years before kids. If Ed weren’t sooooooo old (sorry honey) we probably would have waited a bit longer. But, because we want two kids, we felt like it was time to get going. We started the adoption process like traditional families start “trying.” We had the “it’s time for kids” discussion and started the paperwork. Up until we saw Mattix’s photo (and especially when we hit the five month wait for travel), we weren’t in a big hurry or feeling super rushed. I actually had many moments of panic because I was so worried about my (in)ability to take on the parenting gig. Well, I’m still not great (hey, my kid has a goose egg on his forehead), but many of the things I thought I’d have no idea how to handle don’t require much thought at all. Lots of it just kind of comes to me. Of course not all of it, but much more than I expected. I have waaayyy more patience than I ever expected to have. The sleeping thing is definitely hard, both because I don’t feel well when I’m so exhausted (and trust me, I’m tired – I wasn’t this tired during law school), which makes it hard to deal with a screaming baby, and because I hate that he experiences so much distress and unrest. But still, I’m much better off than I anticipated. Ed too. He’s not exactly stellar with patience when Mattix is crying, but he’s getting better every day and handles so much other stuff like a pro. We’re in a third world country, traveling around, with an adopted child that barely knows us. I think that when we get home, have some time to settle in, (hopefully) get some sleep, and establish some semblance of a routine (we have no idea what that is right now), things will just keep getting better. We’ve been blessed with an incredible baby boy that has changed our lives for the better. I often look at Mattix and can’t believe that we’re really going to raise him. I can’t get over how fortunate we are, even if we’re sleep deprived zombies.

We can’t wait for everyone to meet Mattix, but we’re going to need a little time when we get home to settle in and recover. Ed has to continue with work the morning after we get in, so my mom’s going to come stay with us for a bit to help us readjust and hopefully get some sleep. We’re very concerned about and committed to the bonding process, and as such, Mattix needs some pretty limited contact with the “outside” world for while. Because Christmas comes just a week after we return, it’s already going to be a bit disruptive. We need to spend a lot of family time at home so that he can learn that we are indeed going to be his parents permanently and that we (and only we) will be there to meet his needs. It’s important for him to learn that he can’t just go to anyone or trust anyone as though they’re the “same” as his parents. Because he has experienced so many serious disruptions in his short ten months, we need to help him realize that this is now permanent and that we’re not going away.

We’ll talk to you soon!