Remembering Dec. 6th and I SERIOUSLY went to a Zumba class today

December 6, 2007. We went to the airport! I couldn’t believe it was time to go leave. I put THIS post up on YouBelong (it’s short and boring). It almost seemed unreal. We got to the airport so early that they bumped us to an earlier flight. Like that’ll ever happen again!  We paid for our overweight luggage, handed it over, and crossed our fingers that it would make it all the way to VN. The flight to San Francisco was a little less than two hours, then we had a long layover – maybe five-ish hours, in SF. We were thrilled to be heading out to meet our Mattix.  I can’t explain the excitement I felt all day. After nine months – four of them pure agony – it was really going to happen. I’ve never liked to fly – in fact I used to hate it – but that day, I was so damn excited that I didn’t care.

It was in the SF international airport at some cruddy restaurant that we finally met Karen and Andrew for the first time. It was so exciting! It was that night that I knew Karen and I would be friends forever. Our plane departed at 12:05 a.m. I was taking a handful of my meds just before we boarded the flight to Hong Kong. Karen looked at me and said, “You have to be the only almost-adoptive parent worried about taking her birth control pill.”

I love you Karen and I always will!

And then we flew – for over 12 hours. I’ll post the rest tomorrow!

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Okay, seriously, guys, I went to a Zumba class at the gym today. ZUMBA. Do you KNOW what Zumba is? Have you SEEN the infomercial for the home videos? Please tell me you know what I’m talking about. If not, you can check out their website HERE. But note that I look nothing like those fit, skinny, muscular bitches on their web page. Stupid whores. I just want you to note that so you have an accurate picture in your mind when I explain this to you.

Okay, wait, first I’m going to cop to buying the original Zumba videos in ‘02 off an infomercial. It was my first year of law school and I was up studying at some abnormal early morning hour and the infomercial was on and I was tired and thinking that while I didn’t have much time, I could certainly fit in those AWESOME videos a few times a week…blah, blah, freaking blah. I opened one, put it in the DVD player, promptly took it out, put them at the back of the shelf, and donated them to Good Will a few years later.

Okay, so I’ve made my disclosure. Now I’ll tell you about my first live Zuma class today.

Actually, here, take a look at this:

Okay, so yeah, except our instructor had smoked a pipe full of crack before class and she was hopping around like some super freak, going at double time, screaming, “ARE YOU READY?? ARE YOU READY???”

Ready for what, bitch? You haven’t stopped moving since the class started twenty minutes ago!

But it was awesome. Most humiliating sixty minutes of my life. It pretty much topped my month of embarrassing gym experiences.

Let me just tell you how sexy I felt while my ass did its own dance during the full on rap video big booty ho dance moves. All I’m sayin’ is that in another month, I’ll be fully trained to be a rap video whore. The good news is that I’ve already got the goods and the goods shake. A lot. The bad news is that there is nothing sexy about my a$$ jiggling all over the place while I stumble around shaking it up and down.

Actually, our instructor had her some a$$, too, but man, could she make it move. That woman had it shaking up and down, left and right, round and round. She was really good, but I wondered how long you’d have to do that before you were totally cool with doing it in a room full of 30 woman.

Except she also kept yelling, “ARE YOU SWEATING YET?”

And I’m in the back thinking, “Am I sweating?! I just slipped in a puddle of my sweat and almost broke my ankle. The cramp in my right side has actually moved up into my shoulder and neck and I’m beginning to look like a stroke victim. I’m seeing those sliver dots and my ass is bouncing and my hips are on fire and I’m sweating from my boobs for the love of God, and you’re asking me if I’m sweating?”

Mind you Kedra and I got there really early so we could stake our claim to the back corner of the class, which was all well and good until she ran to the back and told us to turn around, thus putting us in the front row. Freakin’ awesome. ‘Cause I’m sure all these ladies wanna watch that $hit shake.

But it was good exercise and I burned somewhere between 600 and 1000 calories (according to the instructor) and my legs feel like they’re on fire eleven hours later and I almost fell in the toilet when I tried to sit down to pee tonight. So I’ll be back next week for more.

Stay tuned. Cardio strip tease on Thursday. (Yes, I’m serious.)