Mattix and the fake

I’ve mentioned how Mattix did not produce tears when he cried for quite a while. I assume that it was because he was so accustomed to not having his needs met that his body simply shut off its tear mechanism, as tears were just a waste. It was sad, but he did begin producing tears after he had been with us for a while. I’ve also mentioned talked about incessantly his complete and total lack of needs in the beginning…how he never bothered to let us know what he needed/wanted, unless is the need was to be put back down on the floor.

Well, rest easy, folks, ’cause this kid has no problem making his needs, his wants, and his unnecessary desires known very, very clearly! Going back a few months, Mattix began dabbling in the fine are of ”the fake” while we were in DC. I will never forget the first “fake.” It was the fake laugh. I was driving the rental car and my mom was in the front passenger seat. Up until that point, Mattix had become quite used to having my mom in the backseat with him. I felt like a freaking chauffeur any time my mom was in the car with us because she always sat in the back with Mattix, “just in case he needs anything.”  However, in DC, *I* needed a navigator, so she sat in the front. This displeased Mattix greatly, as he was used to being showered with her attention. We were on our way back from an afternoon in Alexandria, VA. Mattix was sitting in the backseat (obviously) in his car seat (obviously) and he was not impressed with my mom’s apparent disinterest in King Mattix. He’s not a huge whiner, but he let out a lame whine, which we ignored. He knows how much my mom  loves his laugh and I’m telling you, this kid is smart. He busted out this ridiculous, over the top, fake laugh. Mattix has the best, genuine belly giggle. It’s infectious. Anytime he laughs, everyone laughs, whether they know him or not. But the fake laugh? Holy crap, it is SO fake. It is like one of those fake laughs in a movie, where one person if clearly patronizing the other. It was so fake and it was hilarious. My mom and I both lost it. And the more we laughed, the more he fake laughed. He would fully break out into this “Ah..hahahahah” thing, complete with exaggerated, fake facial expressions. Up to that point, it was probably one of the funniest things he had done. He kept it up for a full ten minutes. A fake laugh from Mattix, a genuine cracking up from my mom and I, followed by another fake laugh. It made the ride home great!

Well, that was just the beginning of “the fake.” Shortly thereafter, when I got really sick, he developed a fake cough. I had a horrible, nasty, TB-sounding cough that wouldn’t go away. My mom, being a typical mom, would get all worried every time I coughed. Mattix was quick to learn that a cough apparently equaled attention from Grandma. By day two or three of my nasty cough, Mattix had a full on fake cough. I would hack up a lung, then he would fake cough then wait for the attention. And of course he got it every time because we both laughed hysterically.

Well, the fake of all fakes is Mattix’s new fake cry. H developed that one about three weeks ago and ohmygosh, it is sooo funny. He has already pretty much stopped using it with Ed and I because we both just roll our eyes and tell him to cut it out, but my mom? Oh he gives it his best. He’s so good that the fake cry is complete with big, huge fake tears. The problem is that he has trouble keeping up the actual crying noise because it’s not genuine, and he sometimes forgets he’s fake crying. When he pulls it with my mom, she laughs her butt off because it’s funny. Although I also think it’s funny, there are things that Mom cannot laugh at for discipline reasons, but Grandma can. The fake cry becomes seriously problematic for Mattix because, as I’ve said a million times, whenever my mom laughs, Mattix genuinely cracks up. So, he busts out his fake cry, then she laughs at him, then he laughs, but he suddenly remembers that he’s crying, so he fake cries again, causing my mom to laugh…and the cycle continues.

We were at Sweet Tomatoes a few weeks ago and my mom got a small bowl of frozen yogurt. Of course she fully intended to share it with Mattix. In fact, I’m certain she got it solely for Mattix because I’ve never seen her get herself a bowl of frozen yogurt at Sweet Tomatoes in the past. Hmmm. Anyway, she just wasn’t fast enough because Mattix looked at her frozen yogurt and started his fake cry. Then that whole cycle I explained above began. I grabbed my point and shoot camera out of my purse and despite the fact that I missed half of the good shots, I did catch a few funny ones. These are IN ORDER and this was only part of the whole thing…I wish I had it on video.

I think Mimi had him pegged when, way back when, she said he was going to be an actor. If that’s his plan, he’d better learn to stay in character.

More photos to come…