My thoughts on DNA testing

I’m supposed to post Mattix Progress, Second Post (which is nearly finished, by the way) as a follow up to my post on Friday, Mattix Progress, First Post (I’m so, so clever and creative with my titles these days). However, I’ll do that on Tuesday because this issue has been weighing heavily on me.

So if it’s not obvious, I have all sorts of thoughts. All the time. Lots of opinions. I usually share them, but sometimes I keep them to myself. I didn’t blog during the big VN controversial “incidents”  over the past two years, but I followed them all and yes, I had all sorts of opinions about them.

I read VVAI all the time because I respect the women who run it and their goal very much. IMO, VVAI is a very credible source of information. The ladies behind it have established for themselves a position it the Vietnam adoption community that enables them to receive public information very early on and private information from credible sources that others are not given. I know that I myself have relied on Nicki on several occasions as a sounding board. I’ve shared info with her and asked her to keep it confidential, fully knowing that I have nothing about which to worry. Anyway, I don’t have any special information or anything. My point is that there are a lot of people – people who DO have information – that trust the women behind VVAI to disseminate it. So I’ve always trusted VVAI as an information source. Don’t worry – this isn’t one of those …but… statements. Like, I love VVAI, but…

No, what I’m going to say is that while I read VVAI regularly, I don’t comment often because it amazes me how people can take good information and run away to Crazy Town with it. Not always, but sometimes. Not nearly as often as on the Yahoo boards, but still. So I read it and absorb it and think about it, but I don’t often comment there or on the Yahoo boards.  

However, I left a comment the other day regarding this DNA testing policy that we have yet to receive any official information about, thankyouverymuch more stress, courtesy of USCIS. Thus far, it’s not a super controversial topic. I’ve been following the news since the leaked memo was posted on the BO*CH website. I’ve been trying, very hard, to keep my mouth shut and my mind open until USCIS has enough spare time to actually inform the community of this new policy, which is, apparently (based on a post on one of the Yahoo boards by a family who is being affected, in effect.

I’ve stayed off the big Yahoo boards for over a month now. Not because I don’t care, but because sometimes it’s just too much. However, after I left my comment on VVAI, I scanned the boards and found some interesting posts. Before I get into that, following is the comment I left on VVAI’s most recent information about the DNA testing:

I’ve been following the new DNA testing info (and rumors) since the leaked memo first appeared on BO*CH. I actually find it pretty disheartening. I realize that, according to the statistics, this will “only” affect about 15% of all cases. However, I think the effect it could have on those cases is profound. Simply because “most” cases won’t be affected does not mean we should not be concerned.

We are home with our son, but he was legally relinquished in a remote, poor province that was a seven hour drive from Saigon. The investigation that was conducted by the VNese officials into his relinquishment took a very long time, mostly because of limited resources and because his first mom had to be located to receive some sort of counseling and to confirm her decision. I guess this took a while. We waited nine months between referral and travel. We used an entirely legitimate agency and I believe everything was ethical. If the DNA regs had been in place at the time, I cannot even fathom what would have happened. How much longer would he have spent in the orphanage? Would it have even been possible to get his first mom to take a SEVEN hour one-way trip to Saigon? (It’s only 150 miles, but it takes seven hours.) And oh my gosh, I can’t imagine putting her through that. My heart ached when I learned, during the wait, that she had to be contacted months and months after relinquishing him to affirm that decision. To ask her to take a 14 hour round trip from her small province to a major city to undergo DNA testing, quite frankly, blows my mind. It makes me sick to think that we might not have him with us at all if this were in place at the time.

We can all agree that adoptions need to be ethical and legitimate, but I finally vocally question CIS’s latest move. Not just because it would have affected us. We were affected by the 1600 change and I kept my mouth shut. This, however, makes little sense to me. It is my opinion that the agencies that engage in unethical behavior will simply no longer have relinquished children to refer. And the relinquished babies that are referred by ethical agencies will get the short end of the stick, spending, yet again, extra time in the orphanage and possibly not being able to come home at all if the DNA test proves too difficult for the first mom.

So today I skimmed the Yahoo boards and found a post from Ethica. I truly, truly respect Ethica and their work. But I will admit I was disappointed to find a post from the Executive Director stating that this will “only” affect 15% of the cases. Once again, it’s that “only” thing. I’m not trying to split hairs over semantics, nor am I criticizing Ethica or its director. This was just a post referencing this new policy in general.  I realize that 15% is not some gigantic number. But that doesn’t change the facts. It seems that we only tend to get all riled up when it’s a sweeping regulation that affects a whole bunch of PAP and their children, not “just” a few.

Like I stated in my comment, the effect is profound. First, some provinces have relinquishment rates that far exceed 15%. I fully realize that 15% is supposedly the overall number, but it is remiss to ignore the rates on a smaller scale.  I don’t actually know the statistics for Mattix’s province, Kien Giang, but I *believe* that the number of relinquishment referrals that the agency through which we adopted him (Children’s Hope) received and continues to receive from KG is much higher than 15%. I’m going to try to contact them to ask because I am curious.

So beyond that, here’s my issue. Actually, two issues. First, it is my opinion that in the future, should VN remain open to the US or reopen after a closure, the number of abandonments are going to increase and the number of relinquishments are going to decrease. Just my opinion. I’d love to be wrong. Trust me. I’ve read the other opinions of people who are looking at the sunny side of this. I appreciate the optimism, but I don’t buy it. So I think that in the future, we just might be able to say “only”; before stating the number of relinquishments because the number will indeed be negligible.

AND THAT MAKES ME VERY, VERY ANGRY. I am forever grateful that we have Mattix’s first mom’s information. I’ve felt grateful for that since we received his referral. I’m well aware that this might not happen for a future child we adopt, and that breaks my heart. When we first received his referral, I’m not sure that “only”; 15% of referrals were relinquishments. It may have been higher because it was over one year ago. But either way, I was grateful. Grateful that one day, my son might be able to meet his first mom, if both he and she so choose. And to think that 15% of children adopted from Vietnam in the future – who could have that information - most likely will not, breaks my heart.

Oh, but here’s where I get really, really upset. Thus far, I’ve spoken about the future. What about the current cases? What about the ones where the first mom did indeed relinquish? What happens when the first mom cannot or will not travel to either Saigon or Hanoi to have the DNA testing conducted? What then? Mattix was born in a remote, difficult to reach province. Although we understand that it is somewhere between 120 and 150 miles from Saigon, it took somewhere between seven and eight hours to travel there. Long, long ride. I was anxious about it for months before we finally traveled. It turns out that it was an incredible experience, but I didn’t know that while I was having anxiety about it. I don’t know much about Mattix’s first mom, and what I do know I’m not going to share, but given what I saw when we were in Kien Giang, it is a poor place. Very poor. My guess is that it would be quite a burden to ask a woman to take two days – and I’m assuming weekdays, as I’m *guessing* the labs are not open on the weekends – to take a ride to Saigon for a DNA test.

And that’s just the technical aspect of it. Never mind the emotional and societal aspect. As I noted in the comment I left on VVAI, I felt sick when I learned what the VNese side of the investigation into a relinquishment case involves. Not sick in a selfish way. Not worried that his first mom would change her mind. I felt sick that she had made what had to have been an incredibly difficult decision and then had to revisit it months later with strangers who came to her house or place of employment.

I’ve said it over and over, but I was embarrassingly naive going into our adoption. I learned a lot along the way. I’m stating this so that you understand why this new “policy” (quotes because we don’t actually know, officially, if it’s a policy) upsets me so much – why my anger is not a result of selfish desires to “get that baby home, no matter what.”  As Ed and I learned the ins and outs of the process, while we were waiting it out, we had a lot of serious discussions. One of them involved what it means for a first mom to change her mind during the process. See, we had NO idea what the investigation into a relinquishment entailed. I’m speaking of the VNese investigation, as we rec’d our referral in March of 2007, well before USCIS changed the I600 policy. We were caught up in that as well, but not until later. We had NO idea that the first mom was contacted by the VNese authorities, months and months and months after the relinquishment in Mattix’s case, and that she had to affirm her decision, supposedly after receiving some sort of counseling. No idea. When I learned that, apparently that part of the investigation had not been conducted in Mattix’s case. It immediately occurred to me that Mattix’s first mom could change her mind. But I didn’t ask. After I talked to our coordinator and learned all this, I called Ed to explain to him where things were at that time, as we were well past the five month post referral, should-have-traveled-by-now date. Ed’s first thought – and question – was, “Can she change her mind?” I assumed so, but I told him I didn’t ask. He wanted to know. So I emailed our coordinator and was told that yes, indeed, a first mom may change her mind up until the G&R is completed. Our coordinator did say that it was unlikely, but that it was always possible. That made total sense to me. I recalled that early on in our wait, a family had “lost” a referral while they were waiting for travel because the child’s first mom returned to the orphanage for him. So, Ed and I had yet another long talk.  

 We were both emotionally invested in Mattix more than I can convey to you. At that point, we’d been looking at his photos for over five months. We’d watched him grow – through photos – from a little baby into an adorable six month old. We wanted him in our arms so badly. But NOT at any cost. We both agreed that if his first mom changed her mind – if she decided that she could parent him – we would grieve our loss but be happy for him, happy that he could stay with his family. After all, adoption isn’t the first best choice for all kids. We also talked at that time about another case we’d heard of – one where the first mother showed up at the G&R and wanted to raise her child. We talked about how, even if the possibility were so remote it was negligible, that happened, we wouldn’t be angry, wouldn’t be mad. We would be heartbroken, but we would handle our own loss because, again, another woman gave birth to him. Now that he’s my son, you’d have to kill me to take him. Kill me.  (Yes, I’m well aware that there’s nothing anyone could legally do to take him from us at this point. My point is that there is no way in hell anyone could take Mattix from me.)

So Ed and I are not the kind of people who would turn a blind eye to get our son home. But we are the kind of people who would never get over NOT being able to bring our son home because USCIS demanded a DNA test that was, for some reason, impossible for Mattix’s first mom to take, when every bit of information we have indicates his adoption was ethical. Maybe I’m being hypothetical. Well, obviously I’m being hypothetical because Mattix is home and it’s a non-issue.  But maybe I’m being hypothetical about this being a problem. Maybe this will all play out in the most perfect way possible - unlike many things thus far – and USCIS won’t even require a DNA test in the “clean” cases. Maybe only the “unclean” ones will, and in those cases, the bought, stolen, and trafficked babies will be reunited with their first families. It’s possible, I suppose.  I don’t believe USCIS investigated our case, as we were in that first group of nine families to receive I600 approval after the change. I think there were only five or so business days between our receipt of acknowledgment and our approval – or something like that – so it’s highly unlikely our case was investigated. So maybe USCIS wouldn’t have required a DNA test in Mattix’s case. Or maybe they would. We don’t know, as there’s no official policy yet.

Either way, I’m upset for all the kids – even though it’s “only” 15% of them – that are going to either spend extra time in the orphanage because of this new policy or maybe, hopefully not, but maybe, never going to make it home because of this new policy. And I’m upset for the future kids – “only” 15%, who may lose out on their first family’s information because of this new “policy.”  

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And that’s what I have to say about that. This is just my opinion, at the current time. It could change. I do that a lot – change my opinion.  Ask Ed. But I feel pretty strongly about this right now. Hopefully more information and statistics will be forthcoming.