Seven years, baby

Yep, as of yesterday, February 10. 2007, that’s the number of years Ed and I have been married. We celebrated with a ride to the airport at 5:00 a.m., where I said goodbye to Ed until Friday, when Mattix and I will join him in DC. Actually, we had late reservations on Friday b/c we planned to celebrate at a great seafood restaurant in town. About two hours before our reservation, Ed and I realized exactly how married with a baby we are…we were too tired from celebrating Mattix’s birthday, so we cancelled! Maybe while we’re in DC…

 So we’ve been married seven years. Sometimes it’s hard to believe it has been that long. I was pretty young when we were married. Ed was the same age I am now. (If you haven’t done any math or don’t know my age, I got married just before my 21st birthday. I wasn’t even of legal drinking age at my own wedding. Imagine how pleased I was when, after we were bumped to first class on our flight to our honeymoon, they served me champagne. The small joys. I wish that’s all it took now.)  I’ve always been older than my age  in many ways, so while I would probably have a heart attack if my daughter told me she was going to get married at 20 (and trust me, my parents did at first), it wasn’t, and still isn’t, odd to me.

Anyway, I met Ed when I was 19 and an intern in his office. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I was SO not looking for a relationship, and definitely not a serious one that resulted in marriage. When I met him, I was sitting in the back corner of the office doing a blood test. He walked in and saw me and said, “What are you doing?” So I told him and explained that I was a Type I diabetic. He said, “Huh. Want a cookie or some Pepsi?” He didn’t know anything about it, but he did know (or thought  he knew b/c he was wrong) that Type I’s can’t have anything containing sugar. I laughed and told him that although he was quite misinformed, it was nice that he wanted me to die even though he didn’t know me. It was very refreshing to get a smart ass comment as opposed to what I was accustomed to, which usually ran along the lines of “Ohhh, I’m so sorry. That must suck” or “Oh, I feel so bad for you.” If it’s not apparent yet, I have a snarky, sarcastic sense of humor. I’ve never felt bad for myself and I sure have never wanted anyone else to feel bad for me.

If I could go back and do everything over again, I would do it exactly the same way. Actually, that’s not true. I would have grown out my damn hair, lost about 15 pounds, and not worn that horrible lipstick for my wedding. Seriously. The photos? Not good. I need to upload some of those bad boys and learn how to use Photo Shop.  Anyway, I guess sometimes you’re just destined to meet that  person. I’m very much not a  typical girl in the relationship department, which is why it’s pretty crazy that I was the first of all my friends (by YEARS) to get married. I was and still am very independent. I always figured I’d get married in my mid to late 20’s if I were feeling up to it. Although I always knew I’d get married and have a family,  I didn’t have some Cinderella story fantasy of being swept off of my feet by my Prince Charming, because I really don’t believe he exists.

So I met Ed when I was 19 and he was 26 or 27 and we just hit it off. It’s strange how we’re so alike in lots of way, but so different in others. And we’re alike in all the ones that really matter – our morals;  feelings on commitment, family, money, etc; ultimate goals in life; sense of humor and sarcasm, and so unalike in the other ones where you need to be different  –  temperment; patience; ways of expressing feelings.

I couldn’t be married to someone who was sensitive to my smart mouth (obviously). I’m not totally obnoxious, but I’m pretty snarky. I LOVE that Ed is the same way. I LOVE that we can sit there and have a “conversation” that most people would think was not at all nice, while we’re just cracking ourselves up. I grew up in a great family; my parents and brother have some serious senses humor and I loved (and still love) it. Humor makes life so much easier, and given some of the cards I’ve been dealt, I’m not sure I would be in the same happy place I am now without it. That same sense of humor doesn’t work so well if you’re in a relationship with someone who constantly gets their feelings hurt.  I love that Ed just gives it right back to me.

At the same time, I love his kind, compassionate nature. He’s such a considerate person. He’s the most un-controlling, free person I know. I love how I’ve always felt supported in whatever I do. I grew up that way and to spend the rest of my life with someone who trusts me completely, allows me to be myself, doesn’t want to change me, and gives me the space that I need is a blessing. I just love that he can be such an smart ass but at the same time such a good person.

I love that Ed is always there for me, but doesn’t ever want me to feel dependent on him (in the negative sort of way). I would have really had trouble being a stay at home parent with just about anyone else because of my unfortunate need to feel in control of my life. My career plans were a difficult thing for me to give up (at least for the next few years).  Because Ed treats our marriage as a complete partnership, I’ve never felt inadequate.  (Trust me, I can make myself feel that way. It’s the way Ed is that prevents me from even thinking about it.)

I also have some health issues (maybe I’ll talk about them one day) that would make it easy for some people to slip into a co-dependent type relationship, especially if one person enjoyed that sort of control over the other.  Not once, ever, in my eight plus years with Ed, has he ever made me feel like I *need* him or I’m *lucky* to have him. I KNOW how lucky I am to have him, but not because he uses that power to make me feel it. It’s because he doesn’t use it that I know it. And I know that technically, I don’t need anyone but myself. And Ed knows that, too.

I love that Ed has made me so much calmer and more laid back. I’ve  had a pretty serious stick driven up my ass since I was a young child as far as control over my life, ambition, and goals go. I was and still am all sorts of fun, but I was very, very in control. Ed has taught me to relax and enjoy life as opposed to always trying to make life happen on my terms. Now that giant stick has been removed and a few significantly smaller ones have taken its place. A good balance. (The adoption process helped pry a few more out as well.)

I love that Ed is so close to my family, because my family is very, very important to me. I love that Ed and my dad go away on trips, that they golf a few times a week, that they just hang out. I love that my brother and Ed get along so well. And I love that he and my mom call each other just to chat.

And now that we have a child, I sincerely love Ed in a way that I never knew I could. He’s an amazing parent. I knew he’d be great, as I never would have married him if I had doubts about that, but I didn’t know he’d be THISgreat. He is an incredible father to Mattix. Ed is so unbelievably involved, so hands on, so natural. He loves that kid more than anything in the world. Watching him sit on the floor and play with Mattix is awesome, just as it’s great to watch him change his diapers, get him dressed, calm him when he’s crying. 

I love that Ed is very smart, confident but not cocky, self-assured, ambitious but very family oriented, loving, expressive, and so funny. He finds the balance. He started his MBA program during my last year of law school while he was traveling very frequently for work. That was one long year for us, but Ed’s ability to balance things made it possible.

He’s so. not. perfect. I’m so. not. perfect. I think that’s why we work well…because we’re both quite aware that nobody is perfect. Neither of us puts the other on a pedestal. Too much pressure. We’re both realistic, committed people. We argue once in a while and laugh all the time. We make all of the big decisions in life together and treat each other as equals.

Speaking of perfect, we got married at this prefect place. I’m not a big desert-scenery type person, which made choosing a wedding venue a little difficult, as so many of the nice resorts and country clubs in townprovide desert-type backdrops. After all, we do live in the middle of the desert. However, after lots and lots of searching, I found the perfect place. It was five acres of green, flowery paradise. We were married in a gazebo surrounded by pine trees and had our reception in the middle of a HUGE garden area (although it did get cold so we had to close the sides and turn on the heaters). There was a one mile English garden for everyone to explore while we took our photos, and an amazing historic house where we all got ready before the wedding.

Planning it was a lot of work, especially because Ed and I didn’t live in my hometown at the time, but everything came together wonderfully (thanks in large part to my mom). Remember how I used to be super anal? Well, I wasn’t as crazy as I thought I’d be about the wedding. I had this vision of what I wanted and we worked really hard to make it happen, but I didn’t sweat the small stuff. You know, like the fact that our photographer, after coming out to our house MONTHS in advance all sorts of nice, accommodating, with examples of awesome work, was a total and complete ASS who spent more of the day moaning about his knee and snapping at me and all of the evening eating. No joke He yelled at me when I asked him to take some freakin’ photos (as it turns out, it didn’t really matter that he spent most of my evening porking out b/c the photos he did take suck. He actually didn’t take any of the reception. Once the food was out, it was all over. Listen, I love to eat, but come on. The photos that we actually have from our reception came from the cameras we put on the tables. And even though the flashes didn’t really work and they were all really under or over exposed, they were better than most of the professional ones. Nice, huh?)  And never mind that he charged about twice the going rate. I didn’t care when our wedding coordinator stepped on my train just as I was about to walk down the isle, ripping a giant piece of tulle completely away. I couldn’t have cared less when both of the straps of my dress tore off the front, thereby making it strapless.  I was having so much fun dancing that I got a little carried away; I figured there were worse ways to ruin a dress.

Ed and I LOVED our wedding. We had more fun than I can even describe. We had around 200 guests and they all had fun, too.  My mom and dad absolutely loved their wedding and had an amazing time, and they wanted for Ed and I to have the same sort of memories that they have. Well, we do, and I cherish them. I’m grateful to my parents for hosting such an amazing day and night, given that Ed and I were totally broke back then.  What a great start to a great marriage. And I think b/c Ed and I loved our wedding so much, we became wedding whores. We LOVE going to weddings. Seriously. Love it. I think we have more fun than the bride and groom sometimes. The year before last was the Year of Weddings for us; I want to say we were guests at 11 or 12, and he was in two and I was in two. Awesome year! Now we’re in sort of a wedding dry spell.  Another friend of mine is getting married in April and we’re gearin’ up for the good time.  Can’t even wait.

Oh, and I guess that’s one important think I forgot to mention. Ed and I have so, so much fun together. I love that we can both enjoy each other’s company and have so much fun with each other doing just about anything. We’re both pretty lame (read: don’t go out and get crazy) people, but we have fun with most of the things we do in life.

I wasn’t ready to be a parent for a long while, and I’m so glad that we had almost seven years together. I have no regrets that we didn’t start the process of building our family until January of 2006. I didn’t quite know that our adoption process was  going to take nearly two years, but I love all of the time Ed and I had together.  Now we’re so excited to be in this new, amazing part of our lives.

Happy Anniversary, Ed!