Things are changin’

First, a little whining because I’m still sick. However, Ed is on baby duty, so I’m sitting in bed with a cup of hot tea and the laptop. Not too bad, although it’s after 1:00 a.m. and I can’t sleep because my throat is on fire! Also, a new development tonight. Because Ed has been going way above and beyond as far as picking up the slack goes since I got sick, I decided to put Mattix to bed tonight so he could go to the driving range to try out his new clubs (there’s one near our house that’s open until 10:00 p.m.! Crazy golfers). No good deed goes unpunished. I rocked him and rocked him and rocked him, all the while holding my breath to contain my coughing fits. Mattix was having none of it. However, it was unlike his normal refusal to sleep; he wasn’t agitated or fitful. He was just plain wide awake and happy. He SO was not going to sleep, so after half an hour, we got up and sat on the floor with a few basic toys and had fun playing calmly. Thirty minutes later, I decided to try again. By this time, it was 8:30. Well, another 30 minutes of rocking and we were in the exact same place. Happy, smiley, giggly Mattix was not interested in sleeping. I decided to set him in his crib. I didn’t know what else to do, and I realized that he would probably cry, thus requiring me to take him out and start over, but I was stuck.  Imagine my surprise when I stood outside his door, waiting for it, waiting for it, waiting for it…but it never came. I went into our room and retrieved the monitor, then proceeded to listen to him babble, coo, and play with his stuffed animal for 20 minutes. Then it got really, really quiet. Of course my first thought was, “Is he still breathing?” because I STILL obviously have some serious issues. Another 10 minutes later, I opened his door to peek in and what did I find? Mattix, sound asleep on his tummy. Holy crap. I almost passed out from the shock. I am in no way, shape, or form considering this a turning point with falling asleep at night because we all know that it’s highly unlikely. But I’m really excited that he was able to fall asleep on his own tonight. With any luck, he’s getting comfortable with his bed, his room, and knowing that we will indeed be there in the morning for him. In fact, as of right now, he hasn’t woken up yet.

 More importantly, things are definitely changing around here, and while this news isn’t earth shattering, it is going to bring some adventurous times for our family. Ed has accepted a new job, which is the exciting part I referred to in my last post. The scary part is that his new job requires him to spend at least six, and maybe twelve, weeks out of state. The first six will be in Washington, D.C. Yikes. We’ve been home for just over six weeks, so we’re obviously concerned about “upsetting” Mattix’s stability and world right now. With the exception of sleeping, he is doing so incredibly well that we’re both very worried about changing things up this early on in the game. In no way to we want to disrupt his comfort level with us/our home and attachment process. And after he fell asleep on his own tonight, I was particularly ambivalent. He’s clearly becoming more comfortable in his home.  However, we feel that for our family, this new opportunity is one we can’t pass up. Besides the fact that this job is right up Ed’s alley and he’s very excited about it, the new company offers nearly five weeks of vacation annually from the date of hire. In an ideal world where Vietnam adoptions aren’t shut down, should we actually be able to complete a second adoption in a year or two, that would be great b/c we both refuse to spend less than three or four weeks in VN the next time we get back. Even if Vietnam adoptions close down, which I pray won’t happen, we still plan to return in a year. Obviously FMLA doesn’t apply to leisure trips, so it would be hard to ask for four consecutive weeks off a year after being hired. Their generous vacation package makes that a non-issue.

The company appears to be very family-oriented. They were very excited about hiring Ed, but were concerned that the six to twelve weeks away from home would be a “deal breaker.” Obviously, it could be, but because they are so accommodating, they are willing to fly Mattix and I back and forth during Ed’s time away from home. Ed could of course return home for the weekends, but because we literally live on the opposite side of the country, there’s little point in him getting on a plane each Friday evening, coming in after midnight, and leaving again Sunday morning. Plus, we feel like a day and a half a week is not at all adequate for Mattix to spend with Ed for six to twelve weeks. Ed actually asked, “Would he forget me?” and I couldn’t answer him honestly because I don’t know. Mattix has known us for less than two months. To only see Ed one day a week for at least six weeks would obviously not be a great thing for our attachment process. Therefore, Mattix and I will be traveling - by ourselves - to DC on at least a two or three occasions, staying for a week or two each time. And then maybe doing the same thing again between home and San Francisco. Now that’s the really scary part.

Pre-Vietnam, I would have been freaking out about the idea of traveling back and forth across the country with a one year old by myself. Of course, pre-Vietnam, I wouldn’t have had a one year old to travel with, so that really wouldn’t have been a concern. Okay, so that didn’t make much sense. What I’m trying to say is that after our entire two-year adoption experience, I feel much more confident in my ability to let go of SOME of the things over which I have no control. I am obviously nervous. First, I’m going to be going it alone during the nights that we’re home, and that, my friends, is frightening. I know single parents do it all the time and I truly respect you; I probably sound like a wus, but this is taking its toll on me. I’m not doing well with the very limited amount of sleep I’m getting, so the idea of being “on” every night is very scary. However, my mom is insistent about staying with us while Mattix and I are here. That, of course, leads to the issue of allowing someone other than Ed or I to meet Mattix’s needs. I have a lot to say about that b/c it’s a topic that has occupied my thoughts a lot, so I’ll get to it in another post in a few days.

Another BIGGIE is flying across the country with Mattix. While things are VERY different than they were when we flew home from VN, when Mattix still REFUSED to allow Ed or I to even hold him without freaking out, arching his back, and screaming, I’m still afraid. When we left VN, I was scared to death about the flight home b/c Mattix still would have none of being held. He was fine in his stroller, but that was it. Obviously we couldn’t take his stroller on the plane! We dealt with it by dosing him with Benadryl a few times (I don’t even care if that makes me suck – we did what we had to do). We were seated in bulkhead for the long haul, so Mattix was in the bassinet, but b/c he doesn’t sleep well, it was a pretty tedious flight. He stayed in the bassinet for most of the flight b/c he was lethargic from the Benadryl, but the first hour and a half required Ed to basically keep his hand firmly on Mattix, not allowing him to get up, even though he wanted to. I cried a lot during that first hour and a half. It was really hard for me.

Anyway, back to the present. Mattix likes to be held, but he does NOT like to hold still. At all. Ever. Period. He has more energy than I could have imagined. Even when we’re holding him, we pretty much need to be in constant motion. Which is good, unless you’re flying across the country! And of course, because I’m a planner, I’m already trying to figure out how I’m going to juggle a stroller with the kid, a piece of large luggage, and a carry-on from the airport parking lot, onto the shuttle, through the airport, through security…you get the idea…all by myself. While I would LOVE to put Mattix in a sling or carrier b/c that would eliminate a lot of my concern, he’s not a big fan. We’ve tried a lot since coming home, but he does not appreciate being confined in that way. I think I’m going to try to take night flights so that *maybe* he’ll suddenly realize that nights are for sleeping and he’ll just sleep the whole time. Ha, ha, ha, says the sleep deprived mom.

So, that’s it. Nothing crazy or life altering, but definitely something new for us. In the near future, I’ll be posting from DC, which, by the way, excites me! Of all the places I’ve been, DC is not one of them. And of all the places I’ve wanted to go forever, DC is definitely at the top of my list. I’m super stoked about exploring with Mattix (and with Ed on the weekends). At this moment, I’m quite grateful that Mattix is a stroller champ b/c he’ll be rolling around in his little umbrella stroller quite a bit in the near future!

Here are some of the photos I kept promising…

  

Scavenging…

“There must be something nasty under here that I can put in my mouth…”

“Ah ha! A lint ball. In a moment, it shall be mine! Good thing mom forgets to clean under here. I know it will be delicious!”

“WHAT? What do you mean I can’t eat lint balls?!?! No way! Why? WHY???”

“I’ll just hang out here all casual until she looks away. THEN I will retrieve the lint balls and eat them, all of them!”

“Is this where they keep all the food?!”

And finally, my favorites…the box pictures. We were having a great time. I was snapping photos, my mom and Ed were cracking up. Mattix was eating it up. Then he face planted on the tile. Oops. He recovered fairly quickly and we have some really cute photos to show for it, so no harm, no foul, right? Right?

“This box is pretty cool!”

“Heeeeeyyyyyyy-ooooooooo. Wazzup?!”

“What? You’ve had enough of the right arm? No worries! I can give my shout out with the left one, too. And I can dance and make a funky face while I do it.”

“Okay, this box is wearing me out.”

“At least I’m not alone any more…”

Mattix: “There’s no way out, Slinky. We’re stuck for good.”

Slinky: “I know. It’s just too far to the ground. We’ll never make it if we jump.”

And no, I did not know that he was going to face plant at that point. My mom and Ed were standing on either side of him and nobody saw it coming, although I take the least amount of responsibility, as I was the one holding the camera.  And of course I didn’t take a photo. What kind of sick person do you think I am?!”