40/365

I had three highlights today, so despite having a lot of work to do (that I’m still doing, at almost midnight), it was a good day. The first was sitting on the couch with Molley, eating a salad. Weird, right? Matty has always loved to “pick” at my salads. For as long as I can remember, he would sit at the table with me, look through my salad, and point to (before he had words) what he wanted. I’ve always shared my salads with Matty – there’s always something in there that he wants (or wants to try). Not so much with Molley. She’s not really a picky eater, but she acts like it. I suspect her issues with food have less to do with pickiness and more to do with control, but regardless, she always acts like she wants what I’m eating, insists on a bite, and then when I go to give her one, turns her head and says, ‘No!”

Well, today, I sat on the couch and ate my salad while I worked on the computer. I had on Molley Ann T’s favorite episode of Gabba and was doing the interactive TV watching while working thing. Ed bought a salad for me, so ate it while I worked. I asked Ed to put a tiny bit of cheese on it, just in case (I’m not eating cheese on this stupid eating plan right now). As I suspected, Molley looked into my bowl and decided she wanted cheese. Except today? She ate it! All of it! And then she moved onto the chicken. She never once turned her head and refused a bite. Simple little thing, but I enjoyed it.

My second highlight occurred when Matty brought this home for me from school. ! Love it, love it, love it. He was so proud. Ed must have told him how much I was going to love it as they walked home because he burst through the door and presented me with it, full of life and excitement.

My third highlight was having my ass handed to me on a platter by my new trainer. As I said, I’m not turning 30 like this. I have seven weeks and a few days and she’s confident that we can really put a dent in my ass…literally.  I finally found a training studio, not a gym, very similar to my old one. Nothing will be the same and nobody will replace my Jen, but this is going to be great. The best I’ve found in the past two years. Let the pain begin! (Actually, it already has. I can barely walk…tomorrow is going to be brutal!)

Going back to work!

39/365: Happiness/Sadness

Tons of thoughts swirling in my head today, but I have limited time tonight. Matty’s birthday is in one week. I canNOT believe my first baby is turning three. It makes me all teary and weepy. He is growing up too quickly, but I am so, so, so happy. I’m so happy that he’s a happy, loving, smart, happy three year old. I have to stop saying it, but it blows my mind because a year and a half ago, I never, in a million years, would have guessed that he would be who he is – who he was always meant to be – by now. I’m overflowing with pride. I adore my Bug. I truly, totally adore him. He made me a Mommy, even though I wasn’t sure I was cut out for it, and he opened up my world, my life. And then I was blessed a second time…along came Molley. Her one year Family Day is coming up in two months.

However, at this time, as with every birthday or big holiday, I think about Matty’s mom. I wonder how she feels. I wonder if she’s as sad as I am happy. That makes me feel…not so great. I cannot and will not allow anything to take away from the love and happiness I feel as a result of my children, but neither can I or will I ignore the fact that someone else lost something so big, so irreplaceable, and as a result of that loss, I feel this joy.

I don’t harbor fantasies about my children’s first families b/c I don’t know enough about their situations. As I said in a comment on Paula’s blog a few weeks ago, I know what I’ve been told in their paperwork, but I don’t really *know* anything. Is it accurate? Is there more? Is it the truth? So I don’t have a clue how my children’s first families, and particularly their moms, feel. But I do know how amazing their children are and how much they are missing, and that makes me feel sad. Very sad. I wish we could share it with them. Maybe some day we can…just a little bit, even.

As Matty’s third birthday approaches, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the last two years (plus two months). My life – MY selfish life – is incredible, blessed, enriched, made whole, by my children. They are not second best, they were not last resorts, they were filling in the holes for me. They are EVERYTHING I never even knew I wanted. They have made my life, which I thought was pretty amazing before, complete. The past two years (plus two months) have been so very difficult in ways I never could have anticipated, but those have made me who I am today, and surprisingly, I like who I am now. A lot.

I have a very, very long post that I worked on a while ago; it’s nearly complete. I’ll finish it after I finish up the several articles I’m currently attempting to write, as well as a project I’m doing.

Speaking of Matty’s birthday, we ordered his cake today. As much as I hated to do it, I caved and ordered a Th0mas cake.  Rachel said it the other day on my post about the crazy train man, and I’m so glad she did b/c I thought it was just me – the trains in Th0mas are RUDE. It is the most boring show ever and it’s full of sassy language. We’ve not been watching the videos for that exact reason. Glad I’m not the only one. Anyway, we ordered the Th0mas train b/c his first choice, Buzz, was no longer available, whatever that means, and he is so obsessed with trains. I tried for a generic firetruck theme, but it was a no go. Oh well. He’ll love it and that’s what matters. He can love the trains without the videos!

ANYWAY. Matty was very excited about getting to blow out the candles. He tried to purchase a few right then and there. A “4″ and a “2″ – not sure what he was going for, but it didn’t work out for him. He also told me today that he wanted “the black train” from Ge0trax for his birthday. So cute. I think that’s the only one he doesn’t have, but maybe there are more. I have no idea. What I do know is that it’s really cute to hear him ask over and over for “the black Ge0trax train for my happy birthday, Mommy!” That will probably be his sole present to be unwrapped b/c we’re taking an awesome family trip for his birthday, but I think he’ll be just as happy as can be with it.

I’m off to work and get some sleep. I went to my first of many one-on-one Pilates lessons today and am exhausted. I’m so outta shape it hurts. Literally. Ha ha. Tomorrow, I have my first of many personal training sessions. I searched and searched to try to find a trainer like my old one (before I had kids) in a studio like that one. It was a small training only studio – not a gym. I think I’ve found that again. I hope so. If I have, it means that after 30 minutes, I’ll be lying on the floor in a ball, unable to get to my car. Fingers crossed my search has ended. I need for this to be it, because I turn 30 in just under seven weeks and you guys, I am NOT going down like this! There is a ton of work to be done in seven weeks…and then for the rest of my life…but I’m focusing on the present, in accordance with my New Year’s resolution and all.

You HAVE to see this! This is Molley’s FIERCE PHOTO FACE! It’s the first picture I get every single time I take the camera out. I think she needs some one-on-one time with Tyra b/c she’s clearly NOT smiling with her eyes. It’s more of a death look – like, “I’m going to stab you with my eyes!” Except that she’s honestly trying to work it for the camera. I love it. After one photo, I just tell her to stop making her photo face and she usually does. Funny, funny girl, my Molley!

Oh, my highlight today occurred when Molley went up to Matty and gave him a big hug and kiss. She does that often b/c she’s so affectionate, but it was just really sweet the way she did it today. Love my girl.

38/365 (Question for Blended Families (w/step children))

Sorry for random title, but I have a quick question. I’m writing several articles right now, one of them on integrating new step children with your children. Anybody have such an experience who’d be willing to be interviewed? If so, please email me! ourvalentinesdaytreat(at)yahoo(dot)com. Short deadline, like usual, so the sooner, the better.

I’m also writing another article on creative ways to keep families connected. If you’d like to be interviewed for that one and have great ideas that you use for your family, again, please email me! In any of these articles, I can include as much or as little identifying information as you’re comfortable with. e.g., just your first name, your first and last name, either of the above with your state, etc.

Thanks!

We had a super great, painfully lazy day today. Really, really lazy. I loved it. I got some chores done, but nothing huge. I was pleased that I finally listed several items on eBay that have been sitting in a box FOREVER, waiting for me to do. I don’t like eBay any more. I used to love listing my clothes and handbags that I’d weed out of my closet twice a year on eBay, but now it sucks. They’ve just changed it all so much. It’s not even fun anymore and is a huge chore for me. I would list some of Matty’s and Molley’s higher end clothes on there, but it’s just not worth the trouble to me. I’d rather take them to resale stores, which is exactly what I do.  I don’t have it in me to list my higher priced clothes and will be taking those to a women’s consignment store. Oh well, at least the things I wanted listed are done. And today was, like I said, a very lazy day. At least I have something small to show for myself!  In fact, I didn’t take a shower until 7:30 this evening. Sweet!

I don’t have a single highlight b/c the thing that made my day so great kept happening all day. Mattix is totally back to himself now – he feels great again and I swear, he’s overdoing it to make up for the past few weeks. I lost count of the number of times he said, “I wug you, Mommy!” or “I wug you, Daddy!” or “I wug you, Molley!” today. He would just be playing with his trains or doing a puzzle, suddenly look up, and tell one of us that he loved us. Often, he would jump up and run over to the person he was telling he loved and give them a hug.  He was so full of affection. Molley is always super affectionate and tells us that she loves us often. That is something I just love about Molley’s personality, so today was no different for her. However, she was extra special affectionate before bed. She insisted on several group hugs, versus the two or so that usually do it for her, and she held on extra long and extra tight tonight.

I’m also super pleased with what I perceive to be Molley’s growing comfort and attachment. She is going to sleep more easily again – just a hug, kiss, and tuck in with her favorite lovies. The stupid dryer buzzer woke her up. The laundry room is adjacent to Molley’s room and we have the world’s most HORRIFYING dryer buzzer. If you’ve been reading for a while, you know how that thing is the bane of my existence. It used to send Matty into hour or more long meltdowns before his sensory integration issues were worked out. Anyway, it woke her up about an hour after she went to sleep. When I heard her and went into her room, she was standing up in her bed, crying, demanding, “I get up! I get up!” I laid her down gently, told her it was safe and okay, told her I loved her, and told her it was time to go back to sleep. I tucked her back in with her lovies and that was that. HUGE progress!

Ed reads to the babies every night when he’s in town. It’s pretty awesome now that he’s in town more than he’s not. Actually, it’s even better than that – he’s in town most of the time. The kids love story time with Dad, who makes it way too much fun. Here, Ed and the kids were reading one of their favorite books: Olivia. In this one, there’s a part where Olivia is flipping her $hit b/c her favorite toy is missing. She keeps yelling, “Where’s my toy?!” Ed says it in such a way that just tickles them to death. Then they both repeat it. (BTW, Matty had just taken a shower and his hair was wet; it’s not a greasy mess!)

Molley stole my tape measure tonight and was quite pleased. Actually, Matty stole it from me, and Molley stole it from him.

How do kids do this? When Matty is running – fast – he sometimes JUMPS down on his knees like this. It makes me want to throw up. I think if I did that, I’d need a double amputation above the knee.

I wish the weekend weren’t over, but I’m starting a few new things this week that will be really good for me. Wish me luck, ’cause I need it!

37/365: Dude.

Today was an icky, gray, rainy day. Blah. I shouldn’t complain, being that people on the east coast are being hammered with blizzards and whatnot and my poor little brother’s truck is stuck in like 10 feet of snow, but still. It was pretty cold here…the high was only around 60!   We figured it was a perfect day to take the kids to the Model Train Museum.

I don’t know why, but this just cracks me up. They thought the rain cover was pretty neat.

The kids loved it, but before I move on, I’m just going to say it. I’m sorry if any of you are model enthusiasts who are extremely “protective” (read: bat $hit crazy) about your thang. Dude, some of those people are just strange. Oh my hell, I’m sorry that I announced to Matty, “Hey baby, look! Here comes a Th0mas Train!” When I said that, I was NOT inviting some old guy over to get in my face and say, “No, that is NOT Th0mas. That is actually (fill-in-the-blank b/c I can’t remember and I don’t freaking care).” Dude, I did not say Th0mas THE Train. I sad A Th0mas Train. And anyway, whatever, buddy. I know the names of all the Gabba characters, every last thing ever created by D!sney, and I’m currently learning the characters on the new Chuggington show. So, forgive me if I think the Th0mas series is quite possibly the most boring one ever created and I’ve not gone out of my way to learn each and every last freaking engine’s name. I. Don’t. Care. And also? If it’s important enough, my two year old, who is clearly more pleasant and sweet, even on his worst day, will correct me because he ALSO knows all of the trains. So, old cranky man, you’re not that special. My two year old has the same wealth of knowledge and HE’S NICE.

That guy wasn’t the only one. Some of these men were not friendly and were , um, hmmm, what’s the word? Crazy? Yeah, that’s it. Crazy. *Someone* apparently left a door wide open. We, along with about 30 other museum guests, assumed that meant we were allowed to walk through the center of one of the giant train exhibits. Apparently not. Seriously, we had no idea. It was a wide open, propped open, door. And when I say *someone* left it open, I mean *someone* who has access to that door, which means *someone* from his “club” (that’s what they’re called, I think). Everyone thought the WIDE OPEN DOOR meant it was an exhibit you could see from the inside. I’m pretty sure the guy had a small coronary while he was freaking out about all of us needing to “Clear the room! Clear the room!”  Initially, I truly wondered where there was a fire.

What.ev.er.

However, what mattered is that the kids thought it was just the most amazing thing they’d ever seen. It was very, very cool.  The amount of effort and time that must have went into building each incredibly elaborate train and exhibit is mind boggling. They stand there and operate the trains. I’ve never seen anything like it. Being that Matty is in the middle of huge train phase, this was prefect. And, of course, Molley loves whatever Matty loves, so she was all over it.

The highlight of my day was putting the Littles to bed. Ed was singing a song about poopy on the hiney to Matty (who had one for goodness only knows how long, but didn’t bother to tell anyone, so Ed discovered somewhat calcified diaper situation when he dressed Matty for bed). Matty thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I’ve not heard him belly laugh like that without being tickled in months. He couldn’t stop laughing. Mattix has the world’s best belly laugh. It made Ed and I laugh really, really hard. Molley was just a doll. She happily laid down in her bed, told me to “turn my fan on, give me doll, give me bunny, need bankee” and then was adorable. I told her I loved her and she WHISPERED, “I wug you too, Mommy! Wug you!” She smiled and coo’d and was generally adorable. Bed time with Molley has been off and on, so I enjoyed this immensely. She was still cooing when I walked out of the room. Perfect night.

None of the photos of Molley turned out today. Boo. So, here are a few from tonight. Ed brought the kids home some pretty funky shirts from Japan.

Before I forget, my kids have been saying some hilarious stuff lately. There is a ton to list, but two things for now so I don’t forget:

(1) We drove by a random building today; it wasn’t much different than your average tall building. Matty exclaimed, “Look at that! That building is A-MA-ZING!” Funny kid.

(2) When we were still at my parent’s house, we went to their new house. Matty was quite impressed with the great big jet tub. I told the kids that the next time we visit Gamma and Papa, they would be living in their new house and that they could take a bath in the new tub. Matty said, “Yes! I take a bath in that big, giant tub! It’s so big, Mommy!” We all agreed with him. After studying it carefully, Molley announced, “It’s HUGE! Huge bath!” She constantly entertains me with her vocabulary and comprehension. Huge then became the word of the month because we all got such a kick out of it. As of today, “huge” is the most overused word in our house. To Matty, everything is “a big, huge, giant ___” and Molley announces, “It’s HUGE” when she encounters anything that’s bigger than her.

Ed brought me flowers today for no reason. Gerbera daisies, my favorite. It made me smile. I’m not a big Hallmark Holiday girl. I love the small things, like flowers for no reason. I’m happy today.

36/365

Ms. Molley has insisted on feeding herself for several months now. She could not possibly fathom being treated like a baby. If I try to feed her, she usually say, “‘Poon, Mom! I do it!” Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Surprisingly, she isn’t all that messy. This morning, she ate an entire cup of yogurt and this was the extent of the mess. (By the way, that’s yogurt under her nose, not snot!) Not bad, right? The only stuff in her bib was the cottage cheese curds she carefully separated out in her mouth and then not-so-politely ejected. The girl doesn’t love cottage cheese, but I’m going to find a way. And plus? She may have eliminated some of it, but she ate a lot more than she knew!

My goofballs, just before Ed took them out this evening.

I love this look on Matty’s face. He was giving Molley the, “What the hell?” look.

Seriously, she poses like nobody’s business when she wants to turn on the Top Model charm.

Ms. Molley Ann T loves her “pretty coat,” as she calls it.

Two highlights today. This morning, I went in to get Matty out of bed and was greeted by my sweetie! The sickness has left the Bug . (Thank goodness). The first words out of his mouth: “I wug you, Mommy!” I knew it was going to be better today. The second was Ed taking the kids out this evening so I could have some alone time. I still feel icky and am worn out, so those three hours of quiet were priceless. I took a nap this afternoon and then another one when they were out.

Off to bed!

35/365

The highlight of my day today was competing our t@xes. I’m OCD in some areas, as if it’s not obvious, and this is one of them. I usually begin really early and then add information as I accumulate it. There was an issue this year that I needed to better understand. I spent at least 30 hours researching the applicable t@x law and finally figured it out. Ugh. I hate to admit it, but I found it all sort of interesting, and this is coming from the girl who dropped my t@x law class on the first day during my last year of law school because five minutes into it, I determined it would make me want to hang myself with my laptop cord. Truthfully, it probably still would, but I found what I was looking for and was able to finally understand it after a lot of research. But now I’m done with it for now, thankyouverymuch.

Poor Ms. Molley is still under the weather, as am I, and Matty’s not quite back to 100%. This thing is nasty. The headaches are almost unbearable. I nearly flipped my $hit today b/c the kids were being so loud and I was on the verge of a migraine and I wanted everyone to just shut up! When Matty was really sick, he kept telling me that his head hurt. I always gave him M0trin, but now that I know how bad it was, I feel even worse that my babies have been so sick.

{Matty’s standard heading-off-to-school pose}

{Despite both of us feeling icky today, Molley and I had fun while Matty was at school. The few hours of alone time each week are so great for both Molley and me. We’re enjoying them, even when we do chores like laundry!}

Did Grey’s traumatize anyone else? Waking up during surgery is on of my most unreasonable fears. The first time I had knee surgery when I was 15, I woke up. They had NOT began surgery, but I had been moved to the surgical room and they were ready to go. They quickly knocked me back out and that was that – no big deal. I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until I was 18 or 19 that I learned people actually fully wake up during surgery. It was a 20-20 type special and the poor girl had woken up during major surgery. Holy hell, I can’t even imagine how traumatizing that would be – not being able to move or communicate, but being awake and feeling everything.

When I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy several years ago, I was told that I was quite difficult. All I remember is waking up and making a very valiant effort to forcefully remove the endoscopy tube because I felt like I was choking to death. I didn’t even realize where I was or what was happening, but just felt like I was being choked. They don’t use anesthesia for those procedures, so as a result of my “combative” efforts, my 5′7″, 125 pound self was given “enough drugs to knock out a 300 pounds man.” As long as it make their job easier. I’m still super appreciative of that, as I slept for three solid days after the procedures and it took a full month before I didn’t puke every morning, sometimes more often. Anyway, that scared the crap out of me and that wasn’t surgery. I know it’s uncommon, but when I had another real  surgery after I knew that it could happen, that was the only part that freaked me out ahead of time. I know the odds are incredibly low and statistically, it won’t ever happen to me, but it still freaks me out. So, Grey’s had me rocking in the corner.

{The kids were all sorts of crazy and goofy before bed. May or may not have had something to do with Ed chasing them all over the house and tickling them…They were cute and silly tonight.}

Mattix has been saying some hilarious and precious things lately. I want to write some of them down…hopefully tomorrow. I’m off to bed.

34/365

Thanks so much for the cooking ideas. As soon as I feel better, I’m going to look into every option. I need all the help I can get.

Today was blah for me. I have what the kids have and I now understand why they’ve been making efforts to murder each other. I feel so lousy it’s not even funny. My poor babies. I cannot tell you how many times I wiped giant chunks of foulness off of her face as it dripped out of her nose. I’m not exaggerating when I say that there were times when I’d literally have to wipe her green, chunky, runny, icky snot every two or three minutes. I used five ounces of hand sanitizer today. Ew.

I was a less-than-stellar mom today. The kids may or may not have eaten crackers, cheese, and yogurt for breakfast. And milk. Lots of milk. I don’t feel proud of this, but I had a hard time this morning really getting going.

This is where they ate their breakfast:

The Littles played a bit better together today, thank goodness, because I couldn’t have handled much more. Matty is already feeling a million times better and it shows in his behavior. He’s being a little stinker here and there, but he is getting back to his sweet self.

{Here, Matty announced he was going to do a somersault and Molley yelled, “I help you!” then ran up and did this. Not sure how she was helping, but that’s cool.}

{Molley always gets in position, but never pushes over.}

{Matty Bug pulled out the dolls today and fed his for a solid half an hour. No idea where the little nurturing streak came from, but I loved it. So did Molley! }

{Ed made pho for dinner. I love watching Matty eat pho. He absolutely insists on using the chopsticks. Ed gave him a fork, but Matty pulled it out of his bowl, set it down on the table, and said, “No, Daddy! I use chop-ticks. Please get me chop-ticks.” Love that.}

My photos of Molley were blurry and that makes me very, very sad because the highlight of my day was watching Molley devour the pho! She’s usually not a big fan and just sort of takes a few bites, pushes it around, and then dumps her bowl if we don’t remove it in time. Today? She asked for seconds! there might just be something to feeding your kids crackers and cheese for breakfast…they seem to appreciate a real meal more. She yelled, “Num num NUM!” several times as she ate. She was very sweet at dinner, which made up for the unholy mess she created!

Matty was very sweet to me today while Molley slept. Molley took a record FOUR HOUR nap. She’s never done that, which just goes to show how cruddy she must feel. Matty wasn’t into a nap, despite my best efforts. He did spend an hour kicking it in his bed, so I got to sleep for an hour. I woke up to hear him counting in his bed. It was cute, but then he was over it.  He hung out in my room with me while I laid in bed. He was very sweet and concerned. He felt my forehead several times and said, “Mommy’s sick. Go to the doctor, Mommy. Get some med-a-tin.”

I’m going to bed. I don’t feel confident tomorrow will be better.

33/365: Help me learn to cook!

If you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re not supposed to say anything at all. And because we’re talking about my precious children here, well, I just won’t say anything. I’ll state that they are both sick and are NOT themselves at all. I’m not sure Ed and I could handle one more full on knock down drag out fight. Shortly before bed, I watched him literally pry them apart, nearly get taken down, and then drag them each down the hall for some “alone” time in their respective rooms. Fun stuff.

The highlight of my day was seeing Ed down on the floor on his hands and knees, scrubbing calcified PB&J off of the tile. If you are curious why that’s the highlight, I won’t leave you wondering what the hell is wrong with me and whether I’m hitting the red stuff (which, in fact, I am not, thanks to the pressing need to lose the last ten pounds) a little too hard.  I *expect* my spouse to do these things, to be an equal parent (when he’s not working), and to participate in all of the parenting duties, good, bad, and ugly. I wouldn’t be married to someone who wasn’t on board and I certainly wouldn’t want to raise a family with someone who didn’t pull his “family” weight. However, just because I expect something doesn’t mean that I don’t sincerely appreciate it. I appreciate it very, very much. We’re both pretty worn out by these little alien life forms that have taken over our children’s bodies, but Ed has been making a great effort to do even more than his part b/c he knows how exhausting things are right now and they are sucking the life out me wearing me out a bit during the days. Anyway, I am grateful for everything he does for our family, from his career and the effort he puts into it so that we can have me home for as long as I want to be/the kids need me to bed, to the equal parenting. And so that’s why my highlight was seeing him scraping crusty ass food off the floor – it reminded me that I have a great partner.

I took some super cute pictures of Matty taking a bath in the sink this morning which were quite adorable, but I’m too pathetically lazy to download them from the memory card. I did not take a single photo of my poor snot nosed Molley today, so all I have is this horrifying Crackberry photo that we took in Costco tonight, which I was able to email to myself, thus minimizing any effort on my part. I didn’t realize how blurry it was until I pulled it up. Oh well. They can’t all be winners, can they?

Do not let this pseudo hug fool you. Someone got punched and someone else got scratched immediately after the photo was taken. If they were in physical contact today, someone was screaming.

Anyway, the point of my post title: HELP ME LEARN TO COOK!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s no secret that I do. not. like. to. cook. I’d rather go without eating than cook. Me! The girl who lives for food. When I was in law school, I used to skip enough meals that I’d often lose five pounds when Ed would leave town for a week. And I didn’t need to lose any weight at the time.  I hate it that much. Before I had kids, when I ate healthy and felt good and looked like it, I ate a ton of raw stuff – nuts, fruit, veggies, and simple things like salads with grilled chicken or turkey, egg white and veggie scrambles, etc. I didn’t have to cook them and I liked them.  We ate a ton of grilled fish and veggies and salads for dinner. Unfortunately, kids aren’t into most of foods. As a result, I’ve gotten into some pretty bad habits myself with eating that accommodates the kids. They don’t eat crap or anything at all, but we I always go back to easy staples that are good for the kids, but not so much for me (e.g., brown rice, which isn’t a bad food, but my sad body doesn’t process dense carbs).

Ed does the bulk of the cooking, but that doesn’t happen every night, nor should it. Plus, when he’s out of town, we’re out of luck. I want to learn to cook simple but good meals with lots of veggies (cut up super tiny so my picky little ones will eat them!) that we’ll want to eat and that won’t make me want to off myself during the process. My goal is to actually make dinner (and by “make,” I don’t mean reheat leftovers from a dinner that Ed already made) myself two times a week.  I keep thinking that if I change my attitude and focus on learning something and making it fun rather than a chore, maybe I’ll undo 30 years of disdain?!

Anyone have any ideas? We don’t eat red meat. The only red meat I eat is my once-a-month in N Out splurge. I know there are all sorts of great things you can probably make in a crock pot with red meats, but we’re not red meat eaters. At all. In fact, the kids have NEVER eaten ground beef, nor will they for several more years, and have probably only eaten bites of high quality cuts of red meat at nicer restaurants a handful of times. Ed and I really don’t like it, save for my monthly In N Out burger, and it’s so much healthier. Ed and I both have FREAKISHLY low cholesterols. I mean really low. My HDL – the good cholesterol – is significantly higher than my LDL. That’s not common, especially in someone who has been a Type I diabetic for over 20 years. And my triglycerides are very, very low. Whenever my labs come back and a new doctor is reviewing them, they have to look a few times to make sure they’re reading them correctly. No reason to undo all of that, especially because it doesn’t take any effort. So, no red meat! (I also don’t eat trans fat or much saturate fat, but I believe it’s the lack of red meat that really makes the difference.) (I’m also painfully iron deficient because of this, but we’ll not talk about that…)

Ed and I love veggies, but the kids think they’re laced with arsenic, so we need additional creative ways to hide them. We all love fish, though. Matty thinks salmon is amazing. And, of course, I can’t eat anything with gluten. Also, I’m likely to chop off a finger or end up with third degree burns if things get too complicated, and while I can multitask in normal life in a way that isn’t even human, in the kitchen, I have trouble operating the oven and boiling water on the stove at the same time.

Difficult, right? I’d just really appreciate any ideas on where to start. I’ve got to do something here, both to share the cooking load with Ed and to actually feed my kids real meals when Ed is out of town. I’ll take any advice or suggestions – cook books, websites, recipes. Just help me!

32/365: Make. it. stop.

Make the sickness stop. Please. Make it stop. I’m not sure if we can handle these sick little people much longer. I’m forgetting how crappy I feel b/c I can’t focus on much else besides the constant whining, yelling, crying, bickering…you name it. I’ve wiped snotty noses at least 200 times today. I can’t possibly use any more hand sanitizer. My poor babies must feel just horrible and I hate that. The 45 minutes we were in the doctor’s office just about did me in. thank goodness they are so nice and know us!

If I’m being honest, it’s probably not that bad. I’m used to my sweeties who are just so easy to be around, so any change in personality this drastic really grates on both Ed and me. Matty even knew how unruly he was being; I guess Ed and I were no longer hiding our frustration by the end of the day. As I was carrying him to his crib, he called for Ed. He had already said goodnight. Ed came in and Matty hugged and kissed him and said, “I’m sorry, Daddy. I love you.” He then did the same with me. What a sweetie.  He was sincere for the first time all day.

The highlight of my day occurred tonight when both kids took their boatloads of medication so easily. Yes, you know that it’s been *that* kind of day when the highlight is about taking meds. They took more droppers of prescriptions than I could list. Matty only started to waiver on the last quarter of the last dropper. I simply put the gum on the table directly in front of him so that he could SEE the incentive, which gave him the nudge he needed to suck down the last bit of nastiness.Poor little guy actually shuddered as he did it.  I can’t remember who said something about gum for potty training, but I literally owe you my life right now. THANK YOU. I mean it. You guys don’t even know what we had to go through up until two weeks ago to get these kids to take medicine. Molley doesn’t actually get gum because she’s too young, but I’m not sure she cares. She watches Matty take all of his meds and then says, “I get gum!” while she sucks hers down. When she’s done, I explain to her that she’s too young for gum, but that I’m so proud of her. That seems to suffice.  She is so obsessed with doing every last thing that Matty does (and I mean that…literally everything, even if he gets in trouble for it) that she couldn’t possibly be left out of the medicine ritual, even if the stuff is nasty. This is the kid that used to spit her meds on me like a freaking camel. Oh my gosh, do you remember what we went through when she was on the giardia meds? She would gag herself until she projectile vomited them back up. And Matty? Up until two weeks ago, more medicine would get into his lungs than his stomach b/c Ed would have to hold him upside down over his lap and choke the crap down his throat. All it has taken is one lousy piece of gum every night. That’s it. My whole life has improved! Really, it has.  Matty has been obsessed with gum for a full year now. Whenever I chew gum, he practically pries my jaw apart, demands, “Open it!” and then, with a little devilish smile, “Gum!” I have some!” It got to the point where he’s beat me to my line. He would announce, “But I have it when I’m five!” Yep, that was my rule, up until I realized what a wonderful bit of bribery gum could be.

I forgot photos. It has not been a fun day. I ran into their rooms right after they went to bed. I only remembered b/c Ed dropped one of his nice, expensive lenses on the tile. I was all, “Oh! I forgot my photos for the day!” and he was all, “Oh! I think I just ruined a really nice lens!” Priorities and all. (The lens was okay, by the way.)

{It had only been about five minutes since I put Matty to bed. It was pitch black in his room. I told him I had to take a photo of him b/c I forgot to take one today. He said, “Okay! Just one!” and then apparently cheesed. I couldn’t see anything until I snapped it. He lied, b/c he stayed like that for a second photo, then asked if I would take yet another on my way out of his room. }

{This picture of Molley is sweet, but it also makes me a little sad. Reminds me of many of the photos we received of her while she was waiting for us in Ethiopia. Just laying there, looking a little sad. I loved all of the photos, but when she was lying down in them, looking sort of blank, I used to think about what she was missing. She doesn’t look sad here or anything; it’s just he position.}

31/365

The highlight of my day of watching Green Day’s performance of 21 Guns on the Grammy’s. I love that song anyway, but it was just awesome tonight. If you missed it, you can see it (in not-so-great quality) HERE. I unfortunately missed a lot of the Grammy’s, but I’m so glad I saw this part! I used to be a big Green Day fan back when I was like 12, but not so much for the past ten plus (a lot of) years. However, this song really does it for me, so maybe I’m coming back around.

I have the blahs. I miss my mom terribly. Even though I’ve seen her for at least a week (usually more) out of every month since we moved, it’s not the same. I knew this wasn’t going to be any easier than the last time I moved out of state, but I didn’t expect it to be this much harder. I’m used to hanging out with her whenever we want – meeting for lunch, stopping by with the kids, her stopping by our house, dropping one or the other off for a few hours, even running errands together. This is really hard for me and I don’t anticipate it getting any easier. I really, really miss my mom. I know she’s struggling, too. Finally, I took my friend Laura to the airport this afternoon and that’s making me a little sad, too.

And for the icing on the cake, both Littles are very, very sick. They’re going to the doctor first thing in the morning.  Matty has been sick for well over a week and Molley for about three days now. However, it’s moving into their chests. The hacking coughs are almost disturbing. Matty picked this up in school. Ick. Just the first of many. I’m just catching the viral part now, which means it’s going to be a long week. Based on how sick they are, I think I’m in for it. I realized that this will be the first time Matty has needed antibiotics for an illness. He took them one other time when one of his acropustulosis  bumps got infected and grew into a HUGE, nasty, oozing situation on his hand, but that was it. And Molley’s only been on them twice  for an ear infection. Me? I couldn’t being to count how many times I’ve been on antibiotics in the past two years. It think it would scare me, especially b/c some of them have been incredibly strong. Although the littles have had their fair share of viruses, but this takes the cake for infections. Ick.

I’m off to finish up some chores and get ready plant myself on the couch to watch my shows. I totally checked out yesterday and today and therefore have a whole list of chores to take care of, like laundry, unpacking and cleaning up. I already cleared out all of the kids’ summer clothes that didn’t fit earlier today and put away a bunch of the new ones I’ve been working hard at purchasing for them the past few days. But other than that, the past few days have been production-less for me. I couldn’t even be bothered to put dishes in the dishwasher. Sad and lazy.  Ed has been so awesome about picking up my slack and then some, although he says he’s happy to do it after not being around us for nine days. I’ve got an awesome hubby.

Once again, I’ve got nothin’ for photos. They really are sick. Matty, however, turned on the ham when I asked him to hold still for a photo. He position himself over Mr. Prog just so, closed his eyes, and coo’d. For five minutes. When I finished taking photos (about 15), he opened his eyes and asked, “All done? Need any more?” Oh for the love.

How can I get my kids to stop closing their eyes and making the most ridiculous cheese faces ever, please let me know. 95% of my photos look like this (Molley snuck in, by the way):